A pat on the back from the Citizens of Moronica

There will be times when the Kingdom of Moronica board of recognition actually does want to congratulate someone on a job well done. This time is the case. This man, despite repeated nominations for Moronica Hall of Fame status by the Gates Democratic party, has persevered through one of the toughest stretches in Gates town history. Back in 2001, when Kodak left Gates, he was dealt with, using Texas Holdem vernacular, a two and a seven and did not fold his cards. He did what was necessary to keep services in this town at the level maintained prior to the shutting down of the Kodak facility in Tech Park. This move by Kodak cut incoming tax revenue into the town of Gates by a large amount so the town went through some leans years when taxes did not meet expenditures and the town rapidly used up its surplus and then some. He tightened belts and made the necessary adjustments, though it took a while the he has finally put Gates back into the black again. This man deserves our continued support and he will get my vote as long as he continues to run for office. This man deserves his "Get out of Moronica free" card. This man is Gates Town Supervisor Ralph Esposito. He didn't quit when times were tough and we should be happy that he didn't. We have a top notch police force and town services that can compete with anybody and these did not suffer during the dark times. If you see Ralph, please let him know that the Kingdom of Moronica heartily congratulates him and wishes him many more years of public service.

Second member of the Moronica Hall of Fame

Its been brought to my attention that there may be some good candidates to join Steve Donner as members of the Moronica Hall of Fame. Candidates included Ed Hochuli, The astronaut that lost the tool bag in space, sports super agent Scott Boras, but the newest entry into the Moronica Hall of Fame is none other than Dick Jauron, coach of the Buffalo Bills. His decisions at the end of the Buffalo-Cleveland game rank right up there in moronica. Lets set up this honor clinching scenario.... Buffalo gets the ball back, down two points with about 2 minutes to go at around their 45 yard line. Trent Edwards completes a pass, with authority no less, down the middle to get into outer field goal range with plenty of time left on the clock so what does Mr. Mind do? He has the best kicker in the league from 40 yards on in. Ryan Lindell has not missed from that range in almost 50 trys (he currently has the longest streak active streak from that range in the NFL) so instead of getting into that sure shot range he calls three running plays which the Browns stuff. This ends up with Lindell attempting a kick from 47 yards out. Now, in Ralph Wilson Stadium this time of year you are pressing your luck with trying kicks from outside of 40 yards but does Mr. Mind care? No. And it cost us the game. The fourth quarter has been Trent Edwards's best quarter all year.....why not let him try to get the touchdown, or at the very least into point blank field goal range where Lindell could have kicked it in with his schmeckel????
The second credential that has impressed us here in Moronica was his oh so decisive heave of the replay flag on a play in which the Patriots completed a long pass but the receiver's second foot was certainly out of bounds. Does Mr. Mind heave it like a man out into the middle of the field?? No, he drops it on the field like Mr. Wimpy and, of course, it fails to draw the attention of any official and the Patriots end up running the next play and wind up scoring later in the drive. The Venus de Milo could have heaved the replay flag farther onto the field than he did. Sounds like a man with a firm grasp of decisiveness.
The third credential that was submitted for our review was the placement of Angelo Crowell on injured reserve for what was to be a four to six week recovery period for his knee surgery. Boy, wouldn't Angelo look good out on the field at this time, eh?
While having the personality of a rock on the sidelines is not a credential we look at for induction into our Hall we see it as a testament to the fomenting of moronica in Mr. Jauron's mind.
Based upon the submitted credentials in which our board has reviewed, and based upon his past "work" with other teams in the league we have has selected Mr. Jauron as our newest member of the Moronica Hall of Fame. Lets all welcome Dick Jauron into our Hall and please give him a hearty congratulations when you see him for the honor that has been bestowed.

Hard Times

With the upcoming holidays I decided to try to get some inside information on economic conditions. Thinking hard I finally decided on who best to call...Santa. Normally this time of year it is very hard to get a hold of him, not this year as he picked up after the second ring.
"Hello Santa, Its your friend Dinglefritz, How is business up there? The world would like to know."
"Oh Dingle, its always good to talk with you but this year is not going well for old Santa."
"Whats happening up North?"
"As you know I have over 4,000 elves working for me and I can't keep them all busy. Too many orders have been shipped to India and China and now I am in a bind. I may have to let go half of them. I offered buyouts to them but very few took them. I guess they feel being elves would hamper them in trying to find other work. I even heard Keebler may not be hiring."
"True, but continue."
"I am trying to short shift them in order to keep as many of them as possible but I am looking at laying off half of them. It hurts me badly Dingle as I love them all"
"Thats a good chunk of your help Santa."
"Thats not all. I am cutting half of my reindeer force as I won't need all of that reindeer power to do my job this year. Comet and Dasher are going to retire as they were smart and invested their money in precious metals, which is fine, but I am going to have to cut Blitzen and Donner this year as they are lowest in seniority and if I can get away without using Rudolph he will be off this year too. Hugo and Stinky were looking forward to taking the retiring reindeer's place but they are not going to be able to work either."
"Rudolph??????"
"Yes, even Rudolph. I am trying to get a small piece of the government bailout but not being located in the United States, well thats is proving to be damn near impossible."
"Santa, this is troubling. I just cannot put it into words how badly I feel for you."
"Dingle, thanks for the sympathy but even I, Santa, was thinking about retirement after this year but with all of my savings in the stock market this old man is going to be working for many more years. I have almost nothing left after the last six months. I had purchased a retirement home in Florida last year but now it looks like it will be going into foreclosure as its either trying to keep as many elves as possible or paying the mortgage on it. Its killing me."
"Santa, I just...."
"Dingle, I know what you are going to try to say but I will survive. I will try to make as many kids happy this year as I can but its going to be hard. Its been great chatting with you Dingle but I have to get back to work, what little there is of it for me to do. Give me a call again next year as it looks like I may even have more free time to chat. Take care and good bye."
"Bye Santa"
We can only hope the economy gets turned around fast enough because it affects everyone. No one is immune...not even Santa.

First member of the Moronica Hall of Fame

From time to time I will enshrine new members into the Moronica Hall of Fame. For our first member lets look at the Rochester Americans hockey team. At the present time they are 1-10 and drawing flies into the Blue Cross Arena. Not a very good record for a team that is so rich in history so we need to answer a few questions.
Is the mess the new owners fault? No. He has done a yeoman effort to keep hockey alive in this city. The team would not be playing right now if it was not for him.
Is it the Florida Panthers fault? Not really as they supplied us with what they had. They could have tried to obtain more veteran help for the team but they are a team that needs help too. They were handicapped by the state of flux the Amerks were in until Mr. Styres took over the team and negotiated the lease.
Is it the coach's fault? No. This man can coach! All one has to do is to look at what he has done with his past teams and you know it is not his fault. He is trying his best with the cards he was dealt with. Having two sieves for goalies does not help either.
So, then who's fault can it be??? Well the answer is simple and this man is our first enshrinee into the Moronica Hall of Fame. This man is Steve Donner. He has single handedly nearly killed off two local sports teams. This man turned off the Buffalo Sabres so much that they moved their farm team to Portland and they are now one of the better and more entertaining teams in the league. Those players should be here entertaining us.
He disgusted the City of Rochester and Mayor Duffy so much that they would not even deal with him in regards to the lease to the arena, which led to Florida not having the time to be able to obtain a few veterans for the team as there was a good chance they would have had to share a team elsewhere as the Amerks were close to being put into suspense for the year. The heads of the City demanded that Steve Donner, still a minority owner, have absolutely no day to day control for them to even discuss the lease with Mr. Styres.
I won't even discuss the unpaid bills and the $500,000 loan from the City to the Amerks that are still outstanding.
Then there are the Rochester Rhinos. Thanks to Rob Clark we had a team this year. They weren't quite the mess the Amerks are presently but they almost certainly could have folded this past year. Nearly having your stadium foreclosed on is an excellent credential for enshrinement on its own. Putting the arena in a blighted area with horrible traffic access was a mistake as I personally found out the day the stadium opened. It put such a bad taste into my mouth that no amount of Listerine has been able to remove. The arena should have been put in Gates as it would have had much better access to major highways like 531 and 490. Try getting out of Paetec after a game...When I go to a game I try to leave early to avoid the mess. Well, we also have David Gantt to thank for that too and he may be a future nominee, but not at this time.
The Rhinos went from being the leagues bellweather franchise to being on life support in such a short period of time that it may be a world's record for bad management.
So we congratulate Steve Donner. He is the first member of the Moronica Hall of Fame and this "honor" is well earned. When you see Mr. Donner please congratulate him on the honor that has been bestowed upon him. Thank goodness he is not in the position anymore to keep up the bad work.

If you have nominees for the Moronica Hall of Fame please let me know who they are and their qualifications. The Moronica board will examine them and maybe who knows, your nominee could join Steve.