"Time off" for your King???

Well I had some paid time off to burn or else I would lose it. That would have been a sin as it is rather quiet now at work....before the expected oncoming storm, so it gives me a chance to clear my mind and prepare for it. You think I would rest and relax but NOOOOO!!! As I am lying in my bed Sunday night I look at the walls and ceiling of my Royal Bedroom and they reminded me of what a Royal Dungeon should look like. Grungy! So on Monday I raided what was left of my depleted Royal Treasury...well what do you expect the treasury to be just past Christmas, and bought some supplies. I went to Home Depot and bought some paint and accessories to make the Royal Bedroom look royal again. To make it fit for a King again, so to speak. I did a bit of trim work Monday afternoon so I could blast it with the roller today. Well it has turned out to be a royal pain in the ass. Too much taping, too much covering, too much moving crap around and too much paint not doing what I want it to do. I must have forgotten how much I actually hated painting but it came back to me in a sudden rush as I commenced my project.
After a bit of work, finishing the trim for what I wanted to get done today, I reached a point where I had to stop and take a break before I could continue. So I went out and got my newspaper to read and went to Bill Gray's for lunch, you know for personal reasons that I would never go to Burger King, for a couple of burgers which I assimilated quickly as they were very tasty. You cannot go wrong with a Bill Gray's burger unless you do not have a coupon. If you don't have a coupon a stop at the local bank for a quick withdrawal would be a good idea. They may be the world's best cheeseburgers but they are also the world's most expensive cheeseburgers but I digress.
I then went back to work and finished about 80% of the project leaving the balance for tomorrow which I dread as it involves moving my bed. That will pretty much suck as I may as well make my appointment with my Chiropractor right now. This is your King, awaiting his expected bad back with impunity, wishing you a pleasant evening.
PS: The Governor of Pennsylvania is an idiot because the NFL did the right thing in moving the game to Tuesday. Besides giving us something to watch on a usually crappy night of television what a mess it would have been with 70,000 fans trying to get home through the blizzard at midnight. I would rather be a nice, warm and safe wuss than a cold, trapped in a snowbank, football fan trying to get home. I wonder if Governor Moron had tickets to the game. If he did not he should keep his big yap shut as fan safety is paramount.

Merry Christmas

This is King Dinglefritz, Royal Monarch of the Kingdom of Moronica, wishing all of you a Merry Christmas. I hope that Santa fulfills all of your wishes.
I will try to give him a call afterwards, that is before he leaves for his Bahamas vacation, to see how he is doing and how his trip around the world went. Feel free to track him @ Noradsanta.com even though he is not keen about having that tracking device attached to his sleigh. Though I do hear he is compensated quite handsomely for it.
Hopefully he will answer my call as the last I knew he was still recovering from the Secret Service incident at the White House.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

Ruminations from your Royal Monarch

1) I was checking out the weather section of today's paper and I happened to come across the snowfall totals for the region. What I see leads me to believe that Lakes Erie and Ontario should be filled in. Of course seasonal wind direction plays a big part in this but these totals are interesting as of yesterday:
Buffalo - 29.9"
Rochester - 46.1"
Syracuse - 71.7"
Albany - 4.2"
Toronto - 3.8"
What stands out the most is Toronto's total of only 3.8 inches so far. With their location, even though they are right on the lake, they almost never get any lake effect snow. We would be right on par with Toronto if Lake Ontario was filled in.
2) Well we got our tax bill signed despite the best efforts of the GOP to keep this stalled until their millionaire and billionaire buddies got their cuts too. This bill also had relief for the unemployed as it extended their benefits but the GOP held out. Here is an 'interview' with Senator Mitch McConnell-R, Kentucky courtesy of the Moronica AP:
"Senator, why are you holding up the bill for tax relief from the poor and middle class and assistance for the unemployed?"
"We are not supporting this bill until they include tax relief for my millionaire and billionaire supporters. Those poor souls need it too."
"But Mr. McConnell, what about the poor and unemployed who really need this relief to survive?"
"Are there no prisons? Are the workhouses out of business?"
"Sir, the prisons are full of convicted criminals and all of the workhouses are now in India and China."
"Harrumph. This interview is over."
He then stormed away from our reporter. Senator Harry Reid was heard mumbling as he walked by: "At least we now know what GOP stands for: Greed Over the Poor." (Remember, my GOP friends, that this is just a blog of moronica)
3) It is now only a week before Christmas and, lo and behold, I have seen the first vestiges of Valentine's Day candy now making their appearance at the local Wegmans. It was just a small little display but c'mon, Valentine's day is in February. We still have two weeks of this miserable month to get through. Let us at least make it to the new year before we start seeing valentine candy. Jeez.
4) I do not know what is more moronic, T.O.'s mouth and TV show or Ryan "Grizzly Adams" Fitzpatrick's beard. We have come to expect anything from T.O. as his team stinks and he is not afraid to place the blame where it belongs. I will give T.O. a break on this for now but that beard of Ryan's has to go. My god, from what I have heard the beard even has a twitter account. If he lets it grow any longer he can dye it white, put on a red suit and be a department store Santa. It is beginning to get comical to watch his interviews from week to week just to check on the beard. He is supposed to shave it off at the end of the year but he may have to put that on hold as a pair of robins have built a nest in it.
Well it is almost time for my weekly torture of watching the Bills play and lose again at the last minute. This is your King wishing you a pleasant day.

Fifteenth Inductee into the Moronica Hall of Fame

Continuing the tradition that your King has created in the Kingdom of Moronica of enshrining those who go over and above the call of duty when it comes to being a moron we now have our historic fifteenth inductee into my MHOF. This inductee has a cushy job as an assistant coach of an NFL team. This boob instructed the inactive players to line up as close to the sideline as possible in order to possibly get in the way of the gunners of the team punting the ball. This moron actually took the step of kneeing, and injuring an opponent, as he was heading down the sideline to cover a punt. My new inductee is none other than the Strength and Conditioning Coach of the New York Jets, Sal Alosi. This boob sets back sportsmanship fifty years and puts the evil eye on the coaches who are above him in the Jets hierarchy.
Going back in time I remember watching old time NFL videos where players along the sideline would half in jest stick their foot out when an opponent would run by but there is one instance where a player came from the sideline and actually tackled the guy. This was ages ago and my thinking is, in this day and age of video scrutiny, that this stuff was a thing of the past but no. Sal Alosi has brought back those 'fine' memories of the lack of sportsmanship.
According to his players, inactive tight end Jeff Cunningham in particular, he has had them line up all year along the sidelines during a punt just as they did against the Dolphins this past Sunday. This time he took it one step further by actually sticking out his knee and sending Dolphin's gunner Nolan Carroll flying and Nolan ended up being injured on the play. At first the Jets suspended Sal for the rest of the year when they thought this was just an isolated incident but when they found out that the players were actually instructed by this moron to do this he was suspended indefinitely without pay and fined an additional $25,000. This guy must be a complete idiot figuring that he could get away with this without big brother catching it. I was watching the game and just shook my head in disbelief when they showed the replay of him taking Nolan Carroll down with his knee. I tell you cameras are everywhere in an NFL game. They even caught Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez wolfing down a hot dog, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, during a game last year while he was sitting on the bench. I guess when you are hungry you have to eat and since he was a number five draft pick last year I guess he could afford to buy a concession stand hot dog. I wonder where he was hiding his cash...
Because Sal Alosi has proven himself to be a total moron he was unanimously inducted as the fifteenth member of the MHOF so if you see Sal Alosi please let him know of his enshrinement and the honor of which that has been bestowed upon him.
This is your King wishing you a pleasant evening!!

Fine Print Moronica Spotted from the Royal Observatory

Well, your King went out to get today's mail from the old box. It had one thing in it and that was the regular monthly Valupak envelope of coupons for me to peruse. I got to the coupon for Palermo's Subs and Pizza shop and I just had to shake my head after reading through it's various offers. Among the offers they had a coupon for a large pizza with unlimited toppings for $9.99. As always these coupons have the dreaded fine print and the fine print for this one stated "additional toppings extra". I am trying to figure out what more I can put on the pizza besides the unlimited toppings. What additional toppings are there to include on the pizza after you have already told them to load it up with the unlimited toppings? Maybe I should call them and find out what the additional toppings are that need to be charged for when I ask for an unlimited topping pizza. Maybe it is the cheese and sauce that need to be added on to the charges. I can imagine the conversation going thusly...
"I would like to order the large pizza with unlimited toppings please for $9.99."
"Would you like everything on it?"
"You bet I would, you can't beat the price of $9.99 for a loaded pizza."
"Would you like sauce and cheese included on your pizza?"
"Most certainly!!"
"Your total will be $26.99 and you can pick it up in 30 minutes."
"$26.99???? What happened to $9.99????"
"That is the price when you include the sauce and the cheese. If you look at the coupon it says 'additional toppings extra'."
"Huh?? What??? Isn't that included already?"
"C'mon, what do you expect for $9.99?? On this pizza the sauce and the cheese are extra."
"Please cancel my order..goodbye."
Oh man. The fine print will get you every time.
It is now time for your King to watch the Sabres get their collective butts whipped. Have a pleasant evening.

I Did Not Know Ricardo Montalban was Japanese

Well, part of this blog was to be devoted to things that I determine to be moronic. I have deviated a bit from that theme but today I have something to write about that I found to be highly moronic. Ages ago Hollywood had this thing about oriental actors...They did not want to use them. Look at the old Charlie Chan movies and you will see this. Warner Oland and Sydney Toler both played Charlie Chan and neither of them was a bit Chinese. This leads me to this bit of total moronica that caused me to write this nonsense.
Yesterday I watched an old Hawaii Five-O episode from season one(1968) called 'Samurai", it was about this Japanese man who was targeted by the Bushido because of something he did during World War Two. I will not delve into this but I found it highly moronic that this Japanese gentleman was played by Ricardo Montalban. He did not sound a bit Japanese and you could almost hear his soon to be famous words 'rich Corinthian leather' rolling from his lips. The makeup department did their best to make him look the part but there is only so much stuff you can put around the eyes without them looking comical. Well they exceeded that level and Ricardo looked just plain moronic playing this part. His acting was fine but how can you cast that man, with that trademark voice, as a Japanese character???? He was always a pleasure to watch act but this part was not him. And, of course, Steve McGarrett(Jack Lord), who is my hero, saved the day again. That old series was a classic.
The new version of the series does not interest me as it just flies by to quickly. The decrease in the amount of story time as the result of the increase in the number of ads takes so much away from the story development nowadays. Just compare the old with the new and you will see that. This is your King wishing you a pleasant evening. Have a happy!

Kibbles & Bits from your King

1) Can there be any happier person right now than Channel 10's meteorologist Kevin Williams. Since the beginning of this month we have received over 23 inches of snow. That is after getting nothing but a flurry in November. Now, as I have said before, Kevin would have a smile on his face even if he was reporting that the glaciers were advancing on New York State. This goof even had a snow making machine in his back yard for some reason a while back. This man just enjoys the snow and the cold. He must be ready to go nuts over next Monday's forecast of a huge storm. If that happens there will be no containing his giddiness.
2) In my last muse I wrote about the 'Hands of Clod', now I have to write about the 'Foot of Clod'. I was watching the UEFA Cup game between Dutch team FC Twente and the Tottenham Hotspur. Well the dutch goalie came through with a fine ESPN moment that will most certainly be on their year end blooper reel. It seems that the fullback for FC Twente needed to get rid of the ball under pressure and what better person to pass it to than his unmolested goalie. Well, he passed it back and the goalie took a swing at it with his foot to clear it and WHIFF, the ball kept going backwards. You can guess where it ended up. Now, he may have barely touched the ball but he swept at it with his foot instead of getting behind the ball. Now the ball may have taken a little bit of an unexpected bounce but still the goalie needs to get the meat of his leg behind it just in case. He didn't and the home crowd were not happy with the result. He is now known as the 'Foot of Clod'.
3) I had a dentist appointment today in Geneseo but I never made it. My appointment was at nine so I left at twenty of eight to give myself plenty of time but after twenty five minutes and not getting more than 2 miles from my home I decided to throw in the towel. It was not pretty out there. The expressway was a parking lot, Spencerport Road was backed up to the Big M (and that is over two miles of backup). It was slippery and still snowing like a banshee so I decided living was better than having cleaned teeth. I ended up spending the day keeping my driveway cleaned. My afternoon appointment decided it was smart to stay home so my day off was pretty much a waste. Well, I have the time off available and I will lose it if I do not use it.
4) Our Bumbling Buffalo Bills laid one hell of an egg this past Sunday. It started out with promise and then the chicken came to the coop and sat on the nest. Leodis 'Toast' McKelvin was buttered badly. Most of the O-Line ended up in the infirmary and I was looking for the channel selector. Unfortunately the other game on was just as bad. At least I caught a little bowling for a change which leads me to.....
5) Obviously, after my performance yesterday, I did not learn anything watching the Pros. My evening at Bedrock Lanes was totally mundane. For the most part I did not miss the pocket but I could not carry the hits. Ten pins and seven pins were my bane and when the lanes finally broke down in the last game the split bug showed up. I just feel like I am ready to explode for a huge series but I keep coming up with duds. I will say this though I will trade in everything to bowl a huge series next week when we bowl the most annoying team in the league. What I would not give to stick a 780 up their collective hind ends.
6) Sixty nine years ago today was the day that President Franklin Roosevelt declared would be the 'Day that would live in infamy'. The Japanese decided it would be a good idea to launch a sneak attack on us and bomb Pearl Harbor. While it seemed like a good idea at the time for them after they finished it turned out to be a big mistake. After we cleaned their clocks at the battle of Midway the momentum was ours and slowly we drove them back and finally in August 1945 they surrendered. So if you have a moment bow your heads and give a few moments of respect to the American military personnel that gave theirs lives in Hawaii on this day.
Well, that is enough for today. It is now time to watch the Sabres tonight. They have won the last couple of games with Ryan Miller pitching shutouts in both. Lets hope he, and the team, keep that egg on the scoreboard and not lay one on the ice. This is your King saying I may not always drink beer, but when I do I prefer Labatt's Blue. Stay thirsty my friends!!