Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Mumblings From a Moron...I mean From Moronica

1) I had to laugh tonight. I was watching the Weather Channel and they had a commercial for some kind of show that they were going to present about the Titanic. The narrator of the commercial actually said that 'the scientists were going to send a sub down to find out what happened to the Titanic after it hit the iceberg'. They should have come to me first as I could have saved them a lot of time and effort....it sank.
2) Join with me and picture this. I am talking about the proposed mating of two TV personalities, one local and one national. They are Rachel Barnhart for Rochester's channel 13 news and Sheamus from World Wrestling Entertainment. Now these two are two of the whitest white people I have ever seen with the reddest hair on this planet. They are literally human jars of mayonnaise with red caps. If these two mated I swear their kids would be neon white with hair as red as a flashing police light. The sun would not be their friend.
3) Is there a commercial funnier than the Travelers Insurance commercial with the rattlesnake and the bunny. You hear the snake, you see the poor bunny and then the bunny starts laughing it's ass off. You see the rattlesnake was in an accident and lost its rattle and had a sub par part put on (a baby's rattle taped on with duct tape). The bunny's friends come out to see what is so funny and they start laughing at the poor snake. The snake looks at his crappy rattle and soon hides his face with the rattle going completely limp....brilliant. I give a close second place to the Geico commercials with pitcher Randy Johnson.
4) Please let me know if there is a football player more greedy than the Jets #24 Darnell(?) Revis. What he is asking for is a crime. While he is very good the money that these guys now demand is a sin. Hey, its just a game. If worse comes to worse they can do without you. He has three years left on the contract he happily signed a couple of years ago. Honor your contract and report for work you greedy slug.
5) Your King was nearly assassinated, please no cheering, at the Deerfield golf course on Friday the thirteenth. It was our last hole in the tournament and all of a sudden we hear a distant "FORE". Well, the golf cart that your king had just gotten out of was bombed by a ball. This was one bad shot, I mean really bad. It was forty yards left of and about fifteen yards deeper than the green he supposedly was aiming at. It had to be a assassination attempt as no one is that bad, not even your King. Speaking of this tournament your King had probably more than his fair share of brilliant shots during it. My seven wood from 210 yards out on the par 5 18th hole to within a foot of the cup was the talk of the clubhouse. Well, not really but it should have been. It was the easiest eagle putt I ever made.

Well, while I am in the mood to write more, my mind just is not producing like it should. I am sure it has to be a disappointment to all of my royal subjects of Moronica that I do not opine more often. Well, what I need is a long vacation on a nice beach with a cooler full of beer and a cute beach bunny at my side. Yeah, right as we all know THAT is going to happen. While I am dreaming I may as well wish for a pony as I have a better chance of getting that. Until my brain, and will to write, returns to normal my writings will be a bit sporadic but, my friends, please stay thirsty for my written droppings. Your King wishes you a pleasant evening.

No comments: