Milton once said that golf is a great walk spoiled. In my case he is wrong because as King, I ride the cart. After getting married I stepped away from one of my favorite games for the most part which has turned out to be a mistake on my part. Like George Bush, I really do not like to admit making a mistake so we will call it a lapse in judgment. Now, I really enjoy the game but now that I am back playing weekly again I now realize how much my game has deteriorated since I stepped away from it. It is amazing how a little white, or in my case yellow, piece of garbage that lies so temptingly on a tee taunts you to no end. It just sits there asking to get spanked and usually what happens is that it has the last laugh. Now, make no mistake, I can launch a ball off the tee. I can out drive most people who use a driver with a three wood but that still does me no good and it does drive them nuts. Whats the use of drilling it 280+ yards w/ a three wood when your wedge butchers your next shot? As they say drive for show...... I did see a tip on the Internet while surfing that I have adapted that has helped cut some of the nonsense out of my wedge game. I actually hit some brilliant chips last Sunday though they were few and far between but there is hope as it sure beats not hitting any nice chips at all. Improvement is being shown.
But, what is really breaking my heart is my putter. What is the use of improving your wedge game when you cannot finish it off on the green? I used to be a fairly efficient putter but the time away has killed that part of my game. I used to be able to hit some bombs with my putter, but now the only time I bomb is when I am sitting on the royal "throne". I stand over the ball on the green not knowing if Jack Nicklaus is about ready to putt or will it be Magilla Gorilla or even Alice that shows up. Most times its Magilla. Lets take #8 at the Livingston Country Club this past Sunday for example. I had a mid length downhill putt for birdie and I stood over it KNOWING that I did not have to strike the ball hard to get it to the hole, but what happens???? King Kong shows up and knocks it 15 feet past the bloody hole and what really irks me is that Jack Nicklaus showed up on the par putt and I ram that home. Of course Jack could not have showed up one shot earlier. Then on #9 I had another birdie putt but who shows up this time??? Alice shows up and I leave it 7 feet short as I was gun shy after my adventure on #8. Then, of course, Jack shows up again for the par putt. Its stuff like this that can drive someone absolutely bonkers knowing the ability is there but suffering through the lengthy retraining of the muscle memory for putting. I cannot blame the putter as it is a top of the line model and I know it works. Its just the moron holding it.
I used to normally shoot between 88-92 but now my average is about 97, which may be an 'A+' in school, but on the course it is royally unacceptable. I leave too many strokes out on the course and it costs me in more ways than one. I have maintained decorum and respectability by not spazzing out after turning a routine par into a butcher job double bogey. I am proud of that but it is becoming an all too common occurrence putting a definite strain on my sanity. Though many people have said there is nothing left to strain in that aspect. Putting is tough to practice as the greens at Livingston are one of the fastest in the area so you just cannot go to some place with slow greens and expect to cure the problem, though, it may reduce the appearances of Magilla making Alice a featured guest on the green. Never up, never in.
Maybe its time for your King to give Tiger a call for some advice, but then again after watching him putt at the US Open maybe not. Your King has not been blessed with an overabundance of patience but it is something I have pledged to maintain out on the course but doing that makes my drive home a 35 minute mumble and grumble session as I try to relieve 4 hours of frustration. But who knows, maybe the next time out the real me will return and I will shoot an 85, but then again, while I am wishing I may as well wish for a pony as I have a better chance at getting that.
Until next time, your King, Dinglefritz the First, King of Moronica says, quoting one of my favorite weather personalities Bob Mills, "Have a Happy".
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