It has been requested by a reader of my blog of moronica that the King should expound some of his moronic wisdom on the topic of the Native Americans and their travails with the State of New York. I have given this much thought and, not being an expert on the subject, I decided that I should give my good friend Chief Raininthepuss of the Ungadunga Tribe of South Central Lower Upstate New York a call for his valued opinion. The chief and I go way back and I always look forward to chatting with him.
"Hello, may I speak with Chief Raininthepuss please?"
"Ugh, this Chief Raininthepuss speaking. Who this?
"Your friend, King Dinglefritz of Moronica."
"FRITZY!!!!Its good to be speaking with you my friend! At least now, knowing its you, I can dump that stupid phony native American accent everyone expects from me. What can I do for you?"
"I don't know why you ever use that accent but hey, that is your choice. I called to get some of your thoughts on you and your fellow tribes battle with New York State."
"Fritzy, I will be honest with you, We will try to get every last cent, piece of land or whatever we realistically can from the state and or federal governments. They started screwing us from the moment they stepped off the boats onto Plymouth Rock. And the screwing got worse the farther west they spread and we just want to rectify it. We know we can't get it all back but we just want a fair shake. I mean they took our land, killed our buffalo and expected us to just sit back and smile. All we want to is to live and operate the way we choose to on what little territorial lands we have left and have them honor whatever treaties there are that actually give us a break."
"Peacefully, of course?"
" Of course. The Seneca and the Oneida tribes are doing their best at taking the 'white man's' money through their casinos."
"Even then you had to sign deals with the State to give them a piece of the action in order to build these on YOUR lands."
"Another screw job perpetrated upon us by the State Government. Our only worthwhile weapon is depriving the State of tax money through the untaxed sales of goods in our stores located on our territorial lands."
"Especially cigarettes, eh?"
"Yes, especially them. It was our plan to provide cheap smokes to all of the non-natives and get them all hooked on them. This would cause population reductions from the diseases the smokes would cause so we could take over our lands again. The stupid plan backfired as most of my tribe's people ended up puffing away."
"The best laid plans my friend.....and now the State wants you to start taxing your smokes."
"Yes Fritzy, We were going to fight that the best way we can using the Seneca's plan of about twenty five moons er years ago. We were going to put tires across the State Route 798 that runs through my tribe's land and burn them in protest."
"What happened to that plan?"
"Well, its hard for it to be effective when the only cars that use that route are my fellow tribes men's cars."
"Figures. Well you know the Kingdom of Moronica fully supports all Native Americans in their efforts to realistically reverse the screw jobs of the past. The US Government forced you off your native lands and put you onto tiny, crappy reservations. And then if they found something that they liked on those tiny, crappy reservations, like gold, they booted you off them too into crappier reservations."
"Our ancestors tried their best in keeping what they could but we could not continue to fight the unending resources of the US Government. They forced us to sign one sided treaties and even now when an old treaty gives us a half of a leg to stand on they try to deny it. The State does the same thing. Its no wonder we natives have such a big problem with 'firewater'."
"The various levels of governments in this country have driven many a person, natives included, to drink my friend. Its also a shame that the State tries to constantly interfere with you and your fellow tribes in the business that you do. Whatever help my Kingdom of Moronica can provide to you in your peaceful battles with Governor Paterson's State of Taxation I will try to provide but my resources are very limited too. "
"Thanks Fritzy. I appreciate all of your support. If worse comes to worse your scalp will remain safely attached to your head."
"Thanks, I think."
"On June 15 my Ungadunga tribe is having a, well, powwow celebration and we will have representatives of all other New York tribes present. At the end of the celebration we are going to borrow an idea from the Arabs and throw moccasins at a statue of the governor. You are invited."
"I will try to make it, but as I do want to try to maintain somewhat cordial relations with the State of New York, I will have to refrain from throwing either shoes or moccasins. Its good chatting with you my friend! Good luck in your battles with the state!"
"Thanks Fritzy and as my ancestors would say..'May the bird of paradise, when flying overhead, not poop on your car'. You are a good friend my fellow chief."
Take care Chief!"
2 comments:
Dear Moronica, what a wonderful blog on the state of the Indian Affairs of NY. As you are so happy to assist the Indian's with their affairs, I am wondering whether you are willing to assist any other heritage in obtaining their lands back from the US or any other country where individuals have been affected. This would appear to be a worthy cause, however, it may have a detrimental effect. I assume that we will be giving the Eskimos back Alaska and Hawaii back to the Hawaiians. Also we may have to give Mexican's back part of California although they may have stole some from the Indians or their Aztec friends. Although the drug lords may have control over Mexico, in order to provide the white man with their drugs. You may also want to support the Indians north of the border in Canada as the French and then the English stole their land too. For that matter you may want to give the Confederates back the South as they lost the Civil War. We could go on forever with this especially world wide. I think you should also give back Australia to the Aborigines. It appears that the English have taken much more then the Americans have. You may also have a number of issues with Russian and the number of countries they have swallowed up by their regimes. To quote my Indian friend, Chief Speaktomuch “Don’t drink downstream from the herd”.
Realistically is the key word. The King knows that the history book cannot be turned back to page one. The King supports all realistic efforts by our native friends to try to fix some of the wrongs put upon them in the past. Their tribe's territorial lands are just that....THEIRS! And if they happen to want a small piece of land where it just so happens that your house is on, well the King supports that too! These native territories are small areas within our State of Taxation where the Natives can control thing almost like the way they used to. The State is trying to change that and it is not fair. If the natives do not want to charge taxes they should not have to as its THEIR land.
In regards to your other points the King would like to point out that the word 'eskimo' may get you blubberized in the Great White North as the Inuit abhor that word as it means 'dog eater' in their language. The Canadians have treated their natives much more fairly than we have. The Canadian Inuit even have a large chunk of land I believe called Nanuvut or something close to that in Northeastern Canada that has been devoted to them by the Canadian Government. Its not some tiny chunk either.
Anyways, we beat up the Mexicans after General Santa Ana laid siege to the Alamo and that really irked us. To the victor, in this case, went the spoils.
There is an island in Hawaii that is dedicated to the natives there and you have to be of Hawaiian blood to live there. I think its Lihuii but I may again be wrong. Besides the Confederates stink, the Australians stank, even though the government of Australia has recently taken some small steps to recity past wrongs,and the Russians stunk so we will leave it at that. By decree of the King of Moronica so let it be so.
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