Friday, December 10, 2010

I Did Not Know Ricardo Montalban was Japanese

Well, part of this blog was to be devoted to things that I determine to be moronic. I have deviated a bit from that theme but today I have something to write about that I found to be highly moronic. Ages ago Hollywood had this thing about oriental actors...They did not want to use them. Look at the old Charlie Chan movies and you will see this. Warner Oland and Sydney Toler both played Charlie Chan and neither of them was a bit Chinese. This leads me to this bit of total moronica that caused me to write this nonsense.
Yesterday I watched an old Hawaii Five-O episode from season one(1968) called 'Samurai", it was about this Japanese man who was targeted by the Bushido because of something he did during World War Two. I will not delve into this but I found it highly moronic that this Japanese gentleman was played by Ricardo Montalban. He did not sound a bit Japanese and you could almost hear his soon to be famous words 'rich Corinthian leather' rolling from his lips. The makeup department did their best to make him look the part but there is only so much stuff you can put around the eyes without them looking comical. Well they exceeded that level and Ricardo looked just plain moronic playing this part. His acting was fine but how can you cast that man, with that trademark voice, as a Japanese character???? He was always a pleasure to watch act but this part was not him. And, of course, Steve McGarrett(Jack Lord), who is my hero, saved the day again. That old series was a classic.
The new version of the series does not interest me as it just flies by to quickly. The decrease in the amount of story time as the result of the increase in the number of ads takes so much away from the story development nowadays. Just compare the old with the new and you will see that. This is your King wishing you a pleasant evening. Have a happy!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Kibbles & Bits from your King

1) Can there be any happier person right now than Channel 10's meteorologist Kevin Williams. Since the beginning of this month we have received over 23 inches of snow. That is after getting nothing but a flurry in November. Now, as I have said before, Kevin would have a smile on his face even if he was reporting that the glaciers were advancing on New York State. This goof even had a snow making machine in his back yard for some reason a while back. This man just enjoys the snow and the cold. He must be ready to go nuts over next Monday's forecast of a huge storm. If that happens there will be no containing his giddiness.
2) In my last muse I wrote about the 'Hands of Clod', now I have to write about the 'Foot of Clod'. I was watching the UEFA Cup game between Dutch team FC Twente and the Tottenham Hotspur. Well the dutch goalie came through with a fine ESPN moment that will most certainly be on their year end blooper reel. It seems that the fullback for FC Twente needed to get rid of the ball under pressure and what better person to pass it to than his unmolested goalie. Well, he passed it back and the goalie took a swing at it with his foot to clear it and WHIFF, the ball kept going backwards. You can guess where it ended up. Now, he may have barely touched the ball but he swept at it with his foot instead of getting behind the ball. Now the ball may have taken a little bit of an unexpected bounce but still the goalie needs to get the meat of his leg behind it just in case. He didn't and the home crowd were not happy with the result. He is now known as the 'Foot of Clod'.
3) I had a dentist appointment today in Geneseo but I never made it. My appointment was at nine so I left at twenty of eight to give myself plenty of time but after twenty five minutes and not getting more than 2 miles from my home I decided to throw in the towel. It was not pretty out there. The expressway was a parking lot, Spencerport Road was backed up to the Big M (and that is over two miles of backup). It was slippery and still snowing like a banshee so I decided living was better than having cleaned teeth. I ended up spending the day keeping my driveway cleaned. My afternoon appointment decided it was smart to stay home so my day off was pretty much a waste. Well, I have the time off available and I will lose it if I do not use it.
4) Our Bumbling Buffalo Bills laid one hell of an egg this past Sunday. It started out with promise and then the chicken came to the coop and sat on the nest. Leodis 'Toast' McKelvin was buttered badly. Most of the O-Line ended up in the infirmary and I was looking for the channel selector. Unfortunately the other game on was just as bad. At least I caught a little bowling for a change which leads me to.....
5) Obviously, after my performance yesterday, I did not learn anything watching the Pros. My evening at Bedrock Lanes was totally mundane. For the most part I did not miss the pocket but I could not carry the hits. Ten pins and seven pins were my bane and when the lanes finally broke down in the last game the split bug showed up. I just feel like I am ready to explode for a huge series but I keep coming up with duds. I will say this though I will trade in everything to bowl a huge series next week when we bowl the most annoying team in the league. What I would not give to stick a 780 up their collective hind ends.
6) Sixty nine years ago today was the day that President Franklin Roosevelt declared would be the 'Day that would live in infamy'. The Japanese decided it would be a good idea to launch a sneak attack on us and bomb Pearl Harbor. While it seemed like a good idea at the time for them after they finished it turned out to be a big mistake. After we cleaned their clocks at the battle of Midway the momentum was ours and slowly we drove them back and finally in August 1945 they surrendered. So if you have a moment bow your heads and give a few moments of respect to the American military personnel that gave theirs lives in Hawaii on this day.
Well, that is enough for today. It is now time to watch the Sabres tonight. They have won the last couple of games with Ryan Miller pitching shutouts in both. Lets hope he, and the team, keep that egg on the scoreboard and not lay one on the ice. This is your King saying I may not always drink beer, but when I do I prefer Labatt's Blue. Stay thirsty my friends!!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The "Hands of Clod" Redux

The pressure is now off Robert Green, England's goalkeeper in the last World Cup, who let that oh so fine shot by Clint Dempsey bounce off his hands and into the goal. He was honored with the title "Hands of Clod" by the British media. As all good Futbol fans know that name originated when Maradona, many moons ago, put his fist up next to his head and used it to put a cross from an Argentine team mate into the goal. He was so deft at it neither the referee nor the linesman caught it but the replays sure did. It became known afterwards it as the "Hand of God" goal. Robert Green's botched goal was given the title of the "Hand of Clod". After this past Sunday, at Ralph Wilson Stadium in Orchard Park, NY, we have a new honoree now to be known as the "Hands of Clod" and that would be Bill's wide receiver Steve Johnson.
Just a little background for this presentation to Steve. The Pittsburgh Steelers took a 13-0 lead in the first half and the Bills fought back and tied the game at 13. Pittsburgh then took a 16-13 lead and with 2 seconds left the Bills tied it sending the game into overtime and setting the stage for that special moment. For the most part the Bills dominated the overtime. They should have won it on the opening kickoff but Leodis McKelvin managed to trip over a team mates foot just as he was about to pull away from the pack. He would have scored and the game would have been over but no, these are our Bills, the lovable, luckless Bills. After an exchange of punts the Bills drove down to approximately the Steelers forty yard line and then it happened. Ryan Fitzpatrick called the signals, the ball was snapped, he dropped back and threw one of the best passes I have ever seen. The cameras then focused on Steve Johnson..two yards clear of any defender.. the ball sailing perfectly into his hands...your King roaring with excitement and then it happened. At first I did not know he dropped it until they took a shot of a very depressed Fitzpatrick, not thinking a drop could be possible my first thought was "Oh no, a $*$%#& holding penalty" but that was not the case. They then cut to Steve Johnson sitting in the end zone not moving and then they showed the replay. He, now of Hands of Clod fame, dropped a perfectly thrown ball. He dropped the *%^&$#* ball. Of course this could only happen to the Bills and it set up what I certainly expected was going to happen next. The Steelers then took the ball and drove it down the throats of the deflated Bill's defense to kick the winning field goal. This could have been a statement game for the Bills yet it will forever be known as the "Hands of Clod" game.
The Bills are an improving lot. They have been much more entertaining these past six games than they were in their first five games but in order to take that next step they need to win a game like this. Unfortunately they 'dropped' it into the Steeler's lap.
It will now be interesting to see what happens to the career of Steve Johnson after this. Will he suck it up and work even harder or will he let this dog him throughout the remainder of his career. He took a good first step by stepping onto the podium and taking the blame but then his tweet afterwards showed a certain level of immaturity. You can't blame God for dropping the ball. You may as well spread the blame by naming Buddha, Confuscious, Allah and whomever else you can name. They had nothing to do with it. His having a case of butterfingers did and that was evident all day as he had five bad drops, one which led to a Steeler interception at the goal line when the Bills were driving late in the fourth quarter. I have easily gotten over this game as I expect this from our lovable Bills but it sure would have been nice to see Fitzpatrick carried off the field on the shoulders of his team mates for leading this team to a much deserved victory. Your King is getting tired of saying "Maybe next game".
Oh well, have a nice evening.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Senator Kyl Sets a New Low

It is time for my one national political rant for the rest of the year as I reserve the right to complain about New York State's Government at any time of my choosing. Senator Jon Kyl, the senate's number two republican, has turned the Senate Republicans ban on earmarks into a short lived joke. He managed to slip into a bill a 200 million dollar earmark to get water to the White Mountain Apaches. Now, while I have nothing against the Apaches getting their water, this goes against everything the GOP has been saying lately. Now Senator Kyl is claiming that this is not an earmark but if it walks like a duck, smells like a duck and quacks like a duck then it is probably a duck. This is a duck...I mean earmark. At best, per Senator Leahy of Vermont, Kyl's project would help the White Mountain Apaches "make snow at their ski resort, improve water flow to their casino and build fish hatcheries to improve local fish production". I guess it is good for the fish. But then again Senators Max Baucus, D-MT and Senator Jeff Bingaman, D-NM also joined the earmark fun can got their prizes into the bill too. I guess it is time for everyone to get their requests into their favorite Senator because it is open season again for earmarks.
Now Senator Kyl is the same Senator who is single handedly holding up the new START Treaty from discussion in the Senate. Why is that??? Other START Treaties of this ilk have passed the Senate with 90+ votes each time so why the hold up on this one. From what I have read if this Treaty is not passed by January first then it has to be negotiated again. What is this man trying to prove? Just because it is the Obama Administration behind it?? My god man this is not a "Seven Days in May" scenario and Obama is NOT Jordan Lymon. Put the treaty before the Senate and get it discussed and passed before the end of the year. Stop being selfish about it and put America first for a change and not your party and your hatred of the President. Jerk.
Also in the 'jerk' category is Senator McConnell from Kentucky. He has vowed to do whatever that he can in his power to prevent President Obama from getting re-elected. It sure sounds like this clod is going to put America first when it comes to getting things done in the Senate. Again, as I have said before, when is the 'White Knight' going to ride in and unite this country like it needs desperately? This schism between the left and the right is getting ridiculous and it only hurts we Americans.
It was good to see that Alaska came through and re-elect a common sense republican in Lisa Murkowski. Jim Miller, a devout Palinite, is a radical conservative and even with the GOP's backing, since he won the primary, could not beat Murkowski even though she had to be written in on each and every ballot cast for her. Now that is amazing since it has been over fifty years since anything like this has happened. It proves that Alaskan brains are not deep frozen and they will do the right thing when it counts.
Why does nutcase Nancy Pelosi insist on keeping her job as minority leader of the House? One of the things that lead to the GOP romp in this year's election was the GOP's focus on her. She should have done the right thing and passed the baton and put a fresh Democrat as the minority leader. It will just give the GOP another election to focus on her again.
Again your King is so sick of politics and the games that they play in Washington that I am about to puke. Is this what our forefathers intended for our government to become? I highly doubt it. Maybe it is time for "General James Matoon Scott" to lead a revolt.

PS: Hey everyone we, in New York, have for the most part re-elected the same bunch of clowns that we had in the legislature before. We deserve what we get....another two years of broken promises to reform the place. Albany still needs a massive dose of Drano to clean out the feces that currently govern this state. Unlike Alaska we do not have the common sense to do the right thing.
'Nuff said. Your King wishes you to stay thirsty my friends.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Turning the Corner...I Sure Hope So

This year's edition of the Buffalo Bills has told me many things. The first thing is that Chan Gailey is one heck of a coach. He has this team of ridiculously little talent playing their guts out every week. I cannot recall a single issue where I was thinking "What in hell is running through this coach's mind?". With a little luck this team could be 5-5 right now. Even though they stink they are putting on a good show, especially the last six weeks where every game was close.
Could Ryan Fitzpatrick be the future quarterback of the Bills? Sometimes you think, yes he is the guy and then he does something stupid. Last week against Cincinnati he did his stupid stuff in the first quarter and then played like Otto Graham for the rest of the game. Makes you wonder.
He got rid of Trent Edwards and Marshawn Lynch for good reason and he has managed to find a few useful spare parts to plug into the offensive line. While the line is not the Great Wall of China it does have its moments where it looks halfway decent. Unlike last year when they resembled a revolving door.
Mr. Mind is gone and we have a great replacement in Chan Gailey. Bill Cowher tooted Gailey's horn when he was hired by the Bills. I guess Bill does know what he is talking about. I am willing to give the new regime a chance to put a team together that will hopefully put Buffalo back on the map again. While they still need an infusion of talent, and after seeing what they can do with the lot they have now, I look forward to a few smart drafts and a few serviceable free agents. Who knows but I hope it does not take long.

The Lanes that Time Forgot

Well, Your King now has an aching shoulder and a desire to rant like a raving maniac. A while back I wrote that I was talked into bowling this year at Spencerport Lanes. There was talk of new this, new that and the new other things. Well, what was true is that they did get a new oiling machine but, after so many weeks, still don't know how to use it. I finally found out a couple of weeks ago that they finally decided to read the manual. I wonder what gave them that idea that reading the manual might help. Still the shot there blows. After last night's fiasco my shoulder feels like it needs a transplant. All I want to do is to be able to throw a ball nice and easy, give it the proper fingers and watch what happens. I would rather not have to, at my age, heave the piss out of it. I hurt my shoulder five years ago pitching fast pitch softball and it took months for it to feel better and it is getting to the point where I would like to be able to use it normally for another 30 plus years. After having it ache like it did today maybe I had better rethink my desire to get back to be the bowler I was back in 2003.
Walking through the doors at Spencerport is like walking into the Time Tunnel and going back into time. Back to the time of Bedrock where Fred and Barney heaved their 'balls' down the lanes with pterodactyls resetting the pins after each shot. That is exactly what we have here. The place even has Fred and Barney type bowlers too but, then again, every place has them. The pterodactyls are still very ornery and only work when they want to. Nothing like watching the clock tick away as they try to get the bloody thing back to work again. Oh well.
The place has sapped my desire to play this silly game. I used to look forward to my three games a week, now I dread them. My will to excel is usually gone by the end of the first game but yesterday it was gone by the middle of practice. The ball either skated or reacted early. I tried moving outside a bit, then inside a bit, changed the speed a bit but in the end I ended up just heaving the bloody thing. Ugh.
I was hoping to bowl elsewhere this year but that fell through much to my chagrin. That was too bad as I know at the other place I could have rolled the ball nice and easy, still giving it the proper amount of lift, and scored well. But noooo, I must be a glutton for punishment. I must hate myself. Maybe I should check myself into the R-wing at Strong and have them run some tests, but then again if I do they might not let me out.
I miss the days when I used to bowl in Geneseo and Caledonia with my friends. I had a good time. Even when Kenny put out a crap shot I still had a good time because even though the shot was crap you had to work hard and make the proper adjustments and you could still score. The thing is that I never had to heave the ball. I miss the trips to the ABC Bowling Tournament that one of my friends would schedule every May. It was a week of fun. Maybe now that the Queen is with the Burger King I might try to get back into that yearly trip...that is if I do not need a new shoulder by that time but only time will tell as I look forward to next week's trip to The Lanes that Time Forgot.
Have a nice evening! Your King.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

More Thoughts from your Favorite King

1) Thank goodness the election season is finally over. No more commercials. No more mailings. No more of listening to one candidate telling us how bad the other one is. I hope that in the next few hours we find out that we New Yorkers have flushed that toilet known as Albany and all of the little previously elected turds that have resided there are having their asses swirling down the drain. Everyone needs to go. Only a boob would vote for returning anyone back into Albany after the past couple of years of garbage. In my district I only had one choice for my Assemblyman and, since I cannot stand the fool, I left his little circle blank and did not cast my vote for him. I should have written in Santa as we probably would have had a better job done.
2) While the Bills have been more entertaining lately they still blow. Poor Chan Gailey has nothing to work with on defense and not much more on offense. They would need to have about 15 picks in next year's first round to become competitive anytime soon. But, glutton for punishment that I am, I still watch them, hoping that a miracle happens and they win that first game. Until then I keep picking their opponent in my survivor pool #2. Figures in pool #1 the first time I deviate from picking their opponent I get boned. (Thanks to Carson Palmer handing the game to Tampa Bay...the louse)
3) Well your King is back on the lanes again. I have been remarkably consistent as my series scores have ranged from 595 to 635 for the year. I just have a feeling one week soon I will explode like Mount Merapi and have a big 700 series but only time will tell. The conditions are much better this year but the bowling is way to slow. I like to keep a good pace but when you have to wait and wait until its your turn again because people are flapping yaps, on their cell, or hiding in the doorway smoking its enough to drive you batty.
4) There should be a law passed that anyone who is participating in an anti- Tea Party rally next to tea partiers must be forced to wear a hockey helmet so that when you get your head stomped on you are protected from getting hurt. And another law that forbids Tea Partiers from wearing baseball cleats when stomping....just in case they are coming from their ball game to a rally.
5) I see that 'witch' (LOL) Christine O'Donnell has lost in her bid for the senate seat vacated by 'Mr. Mouth' Joe Biden when he became the Vice President. The GOP lost a slam dunk win when the voted for her in the primary of her foe Mr. Castle. Also it looks like Vince McMahon will have his wife back running the WWE after she got spanked in Connecticut trying to become a senator. Maybe she can return to the airwaves on RAW and get RKO'd by Randy Orton or maybe even she can join the Nexus, like your King has, and see what happens being in that group. Only Vince knows what is going to happen next.
6) One bit of good news is that I have taken Moronica off the real estate market. Your King's campaign to keep Moronica where it is has been successful so far(I just do not want to take a financial bath selling this place). The Real Estate market blows and I may be here for quite the while. I really do not mind but I won't be going on any expensive trips anytime soon. The Moronican budget is balanced for the moment but anything unforeseen and I am 'scarewwwed".
Time for me to head back to the couch as 'Mantracker' is on. I need to be at this more often to see who I can irritate out there in the real world. Moronica needs to be heard from more often than once in a blue moon. I will be mumbling and grumbling again soon. Until then stay thirsty my friends!!!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Mumblings from the King of Moronica

1) As King of Moronica I was invited down to the Village of Geneseo to be the Grand Marshall of the Alzheimer's Foundation Walk. Too bad I forgot about it.
2) I had my telescope out last night and had a good view of Uranus. But you closed your curtains and I put the scope away...Actually I did locate Uranus for the first time. It was just a small green dot but still I found it. Also saw Jupiter, its belts and its four big moons. Always a pretty sight.
3) I think I finally figured out what is wrong with me. I was listening to the radio and it had a commercial for the menopause drug Amberin (I am not sure if this is right but it is close) and they asked the typical questions that if you answered yes to any of them then you have it. Well, I answered yes to all of the questions and I guess I have menopause. I guess that would probably surprise no one that knows me well.
4) The Bills continue to baffle me. They bench Edwards and put Fitzpatrick in at QB. Now, if it was me I would have put in Brian Brohm to see what I had. Fitzpatrick will ALWAYS be a second stringer and Brohm may have some potential. Hey he was good at Louisville and he was expected to be a good NFL QB. But Chan Gailey is now starting to remind me of Mr. Mind. He looked good as a coach during the preseason but the team has looked sad during their first two games.
5) You know TV is sad when I have a zillion channels to chose from and I have a baseball game on right now. As they once said 'Television is a vast wasteland' and boy that guy must have read the TV guide for tonight. I will most certainly be looking for a movie after I finish my diatribe for today.
6) It is election season again and it is time for the 5 billion attack commercials that we will be subjected to that demonize the person's opponent. I already know who I am voting for in this stupid state that Moronica is a part of. Whoever is in is out. The bums had their chance and screwed up and now is our chance to finally flush that toilet in Albany and send them down the drain. I do have to congratulate the people in the Bronx for voting out that Moron supreme Pedro Espada in the democratic primary in his district there. It leads you to believe that we can make a different choice other than status quo. May Pedro find a nice place to retire, hopefully in a nice cell after he is found guilty of swindling his company.
7) Well, I got a phone call yesterday from someone looking for a bowler for his team. Well, since my previous team disbanded due to the pain and suffering of bowling in Spencerport, I was available and he asked me to bowl. Moron that I am, and actually dreaming of a nice year off to recuperate, I said yes but with conditions. There were only three teams I would bowl for in that league and I would not bowl for anyone else let alone be a part of a team building project. I have bowled long enough to be entitled to a few perks. Part of the sale job from him included the fact that they resurfaced the lanes and purchased a new oiling machine along with a few other changes. Those were pluses until he said he really did not have a clue as to how to program the thing to put out a good pattern. I gave him the name of a guy who is brilliant in that area and I hope he calls him. It could make it fun to bowl there so I will give him the benefit of the doubt and do it. I guess that is why I am the King of Moronica.
Time for me to find a good movie so I say good night from the Palace.

Monday, August 30, 2010

As The Moron Turns

This was on my home web page today:
"Purse, cocaine not hers, Hilton told Vegas police (AP) - 1 hour ago
AP - Paris Hilton had an explanation for police: The rolling papers, $1,300 in cash and several credit cards were hers, but not the purse they were in."

I read this and nearly gagged in disbelief. Who does Paris Hilton think we are...a bunch of dumb clucks like she is? Does she really believe that the public will swallow this horse crap? Maybe her fans will but anyone with a shred of intelligence will just recognize her for the dough head she is. Hey, maybe that will be Roger Clemens' excuse...'Well the syringe was mine but what was inside it was not.'
These days far too many 'celebrities' get away with all sorts of stuff that the average Joe would be in jail for a long while. Look at that skank Lindsey Lohan. She barely spent enough time in her jail cell to get her bed warm AND THEN she manges to get out of rehab long before her scheduled release date. Will this encourage this skank to shape up? No it won't. Slaps on the wrist only leads them to believe that they can get away with anything because of their celebrity status. She will continue her spiral downward until she meets an early end and you know what? I won't give a damn. Besides, I wouldn't touch Lindsey, let alone Paris, with Mr. Ed's wiener. I can hear poor Mr. Ed now..."Oh Wilburrrr...I itch down there Wilburrrr....Call me a Vet Wilburrr! Get me some Penicillin Wilburrr!' OK, I am getting a little disgusting but so are the lives that both Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan lead.
These so called celebrities are horrible role models for today's youth. It is sad that they get as much press as they do as they are walking advertisements for partying, drugs and unlimited sex. Its bad enough that today's youth are growing up to be the laziest generation that we have ever produced but to add this list of nonsense to it is very worrisome. With my generation if we wanted something we worked for it. We earned the money to get what we wanted. Not today. Today is the I want it now and you had better get it for me generation and you know what. They usually get it without lifting a finger. What did Paris Hilton do to earn her status? NOTHING!!! She was just born into the right family, that is all. And look what she has become. A walking mound of useless, oxygen wasting, trash. Most people have to work their butts off just to get anything, Not Paris as she just bonks her butt off.
What your King would like to see is less focus on the skank whores of the world and more on the hard working people who keep this country running. But will we see that? No. Skank sells newspapers. Skank generates ratings. Skank sells magazines. Heroes don't. When was the last time People magazine featured our soldiers in action? How many times have you seen 'Soldier of Fortune' in the rack near the cashier? You know the answer to those two questions.
That is enough pontificating for tonight my friends. Please tune in again soon when your King presents another episode of "As the Moron Turns"!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Mumblings From a Moron...I mean From Moronica

1) I had to laugh tonight. I was watching the Weather Channel and they had a commercial for some kind of show that they were going to present about the Titanic. The narrator of the commercial actually said that 'the scientists were going to send a sub down to find out what happened to the Titanic after it hit the iceberg'. They should have come to me first as I could have saved them a lot of time and effort....it sank.
2) Join with me and picture this. I am talking about the proposed mating of two TV personalities, one local and one national. They are Rachel Barnhart for Rochester's channel 13 news and Sheamus from World Wrestling Entertainment. Now these two are two of the whitest white people I have ever seen with the reddest hair on this planet. They are literally human jars of mayonnaise with red caps. If these two mated I swear their kids would be neon white with hair as red as a flashing police light. The sun would not be their friend.
3) Is there a commercial funnier than the Travelers Insurance commercial with the rattlesnake and the bunny. You hear the snake, you see the poor bunny and then the bunny starts laughing it's ass off. You see the rattlesnake was in an accident and lost its rattle and had a sub par part put on (a baby's rattle taped on with duct tape). The bunny's friends come out to see what is so funny and they start laughing at the poor snake. The snake looks at his crappy rattle and soon hides his face with the rattle going completely limp....brilliant. I give a close second place to the Geico commercials with pitcher Randy Johnson.
4) Please let me know if there is a football player more greedy than the Jets #24 Darnell(?) Revis. What he is asking for is a crime. While he is very good the money that these guys now demand is a sin. Hey, its just a game. If worse comes to worse they can do without you. He has three years left on the contract he happily signed a couple of years ago. Honor your contract and report for work you greedy slug.
5) Your King was nearly assassinated, please no cheering, at the Deerfield golf course on Friday the thirteenth. It was our last hole in the tournament and all of a sudden we hear a distant "FORE". Well, the golf cart that your king had just gotten out of was bombed by a ball. This was one bad shot, I mean really bad. It was forty yards left of and about fifteen yards deeper than the green he supposedly was aiming at. It had to be a assassination attempt as no one is that bad, not even your King. Speaking of this tournament your King had probably more than his fair share of brilliant shots during it. My seven wood from 210 yards out on the par 5 18th hole to within a foot of the cup was the talk of the clubhouse. Well, not really but it should have been. It was the easiest eagle putt I ever made.

Well, while I am in the mood to write more, my mind just is not producing like it should. I am sure it has to be a disappointment to all of my royal subjects of Moronica that I do not opine more often. Well, what I need is a long vacation on a nice beach with a cooler full of beer and a cute beach bunny at my side. Yeah, right as we all know THAT is going to happen. While I am dreaming I may as well wish for a pony as I have a better chance of getting that. Until my brain, and will to write, returns to normal my writings will be a bit sporadic but, my friends, please stay thirsty for my written droppings. Your King wishes you a pleasant evening.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

King Vs. Lost Liberties

In the past month or so, in the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle newspaper's 'Letters to the Editor' section, I have read with amusement the 'tennis match' involving readers writings in regards to 'liberties being lost' thanks to the Obama administration. The letter by a young lady in Canandaigua in today's, Saturday, August 14, paper has finally spurred me to chime in on it because it was a complete joke.
The title of the letter is "Lost Liberties are adding up" and just the title of which makes me laugh out loud. Let us look at this letter paragraph by paragraph and see what adds up.
1) The first paragraph talks about the administration's takeover of the auto industry and the resulting forced closure of 'thousands of profitable dealerships'. First of all this had to do with the bankruptcy aspect of GM and Chrysler. To emerge from bankruptcy they had to 'trim the ship'. Part of trimming the ship was to cut back on the unprofitable dealerships across the nation. It is true that some weakly profitable dealerships also met their maker, or made changes in order to survive, but the dealerships that survived are now stronger because of it. The vast majority of the dealers that closed were unprofitable and yes some jobs were lost but with the increased sales at the surviving dealerships some jobs were created.
2) The second paragraph paragraph states that GM and Chrysler shareholders saw their investments confiscated by the government in favor of the UAW. This is a crock of Hee Haw. GM and Chrysler would no longer exist if it were not for the government's bailout. The government did not confiscate investor holdings. First of all the stocks for both companies were nearly worthless anyways prior to the bankruptcy and when their bankruptcies were filed that finished off the stock. Now tens of thousands of auto industry and auto industry related jobs were saved thanks to the government bailouts. Companies that were dinosaurs and would not have survived much longer are now leaner and meaner and for two quarters in a row now GM has posted a profit. I have not seen Chrysler's numbers. The state of Michigan would have become a welfare state if not for government intervention. Even though Michigan is not in a pleasant state right now can you imagine what it would be like without the auto industry being saved? It would be pathetic.
Notice how I have not addressed any liberties that would affect you or I personally.
3) The third paragraph states that the administration is ignoring their own scientists recommendations by imposing a moratorium on offshore drilling resulting in huge job losses. This statement is another crock of Hee Haw. First of all it is only a six month moratorium on deep sea drilling. In other words the government wants to take a time out to research what happened and to possibly take steps to prevent this from happening again. When the space shuttle disasters happened did NASA keep on flying? No, they did not. They declared a moratorium on flights until they were able to research the problem and effect proper safeguards to prevent the same disaster from happening again. The companies that drill in the North Sea have much tougher guidelines to adhere to in order to be able to deep sea drill that will prevent what happened in the gulf from happening there. They have much better oil leak prevention technologies in place. Damn those socialist governments and their regulations!!! This paragraph also says that this moratorium has also resulted in huge job losses in Louisiana, I would like to see her figures on this as I would bet that the job losses created by the spill will create many more and longer duration job losses than this six month moratorium ever will. The tourism industry and the fishing industry and their dependent companies have lost many jobs. Jobs that will not return after six months.
The letter finishes by stating that "while these examples may may not impact you, but a government powerful enough to destroy livelihoods is powerful enough to do the same to all citizens". OK, first of all the letter does not state a single example of a liberty that has been infringed on. Auto industry livelihoods were saved by the government's auto industry bailout. People are still at work making cars in this country for GM and Chrysler instead of being on unemployment or welfare and this includes all of the other industries that depend on GM and Chrysler for their work. If this did not happen all that really would have been left was Ford and all of the foreign companies.
What would happen if we let the oil industries regulate themselves? I cannot, nor would I want to, imagine what our world would look like. Government regulations keep them in line and they need to be made tougher. Hey, when these companies make five to ten billion dollars in profit per quarter they can afford to make each well safer. The technology is there and they should be forced to use it. A lot of people want pristine areas opened up for drilling. At this time that would be a joke unless future gulf like disasters can be prevented completely. The Obama administration was willing to open up more areas for exploration but this has made them rethink this.
Losing these 'liberties' allowed the government to save American auto industry jobs and will help prevent future environmental disasters. I guess the letter writer would have preferred that hundreds of thousands of auto industry, and their dependant companies, workers be out of work and the Gulf of Mexico to be akin to the floor of an auto repair shop.
Your King has spoken.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Mumblings from Moronica

1) So New York State finally has a budget. Big deal. Time for New Yorkers to get soaked again. They increased the bloody thing by another 7+%. It sure would be nice sometime to see it remain stable or reduced but that will not happen in our lifetimes. Not with the current band of idiots that we elected.
2) With the current real estate market it looks like Moronica will remain where it is for the foreseeable future. It has until October 31st to sell before I take it off the market for the winter. I would prefer to keep it off the market but the payments are a lot more than 40% of Moronica's net income. Ideally it should be around 30%. I am holding my own though and that leads me to wonder what the former Moronican treasurer did with all of the funds in the treasury. Your King has learned a valuable lesson, never, NEVER let the wife control the finances.
3) Well, BP has finally capped the well. Only after many months of leaking that has turned the Gulf of Mexico into the floor of an auto repair shop. They are still cleaning up in Alaska after over twenty years since the Exxon Valdez disaster. This leak, even after they figure in all the oil that was collected and or burned off, is still many times worse than that. Lets hope BP puts on a better face than Exxon as Exxon is still fighting to avoid paying for their mess. At least BP seems to be manning up for the time being.
4) How about our Rochester sports teams? The Rhinos put us to sleep and the Red Wings should be put to sleep. I do not know what it is about D-2 soccer but, and believe me I love the sport, they play the most boring brand of futbol you can imagine. I have watched the Rhinos play a few games on the telly and I think I have seen them score one goal. SNORE!!! At least the Red Bulls are on the telly. I will give the MLS credit as for the most part the games are a lot more entertaining than the Rhino games even though there is the occasional clunker. In regards to the Red Wings, the less said the better.
5) My hats off to Spain. They are the 2010 World Cup champions. Despite the attempts by the Netherlands to hack them to pieces they managed to get the game winner late in the game. At halftime it was obvious that the Netherlands did not go into the locker room to devise some strategy but to sharpen their spikes. The third place game between Germany and Uruguay was much more fun to watch.
6) One more bit of soccer fun. Poor Robert Green, the goalie for England whose 'Hand of Clod' moment gave the United States a tie with them, is feeling the heat getting ready for the upcoming Premier League season. He plays for West Ham and everyone knows that wherever the team plays this year he will hear it from the fans. It is said that his own team mates are trying to toughen him up by insulting him during practice to get him ready for it. Only in England.
7) The Town of Gates is finally getting a new library. Sue Swanton, a democrat whose main platform while trying to unseat Ralph Esposito as supervisor was to get a new library must be happy. The town board voted 4-1 for it. What is funny is that the lone vote against the new library was cast by the lone democrat. Go figure.
Sue Swanton does have a good point about the building plans for the new Library. They are planning to build a two story facility for it. She says a good library should only be one story and I side with her on this one. They should rethink it and build a proper library. Do it right the first time.
Well, That is it from Moronica tonight. Stay thirsty my friends.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Time to Play Name Association!!

Again it is time for me to provide a name and its relevant association or wish:
Lebron James - Jerk for abandoning Cleveland
ESPN - Fools for giving us an hour of LeBron
Captain Phil Harris - Gone too soon. May all of your crab pots be full upstairs.
BP's Tony Hayward - From CEO to the Gulag
King Dinglefritz - A new queen and a stable Moronica.
Moronica's Ex Queen- An allergy to whoppers
The Royal Mutt - seriously missed
Repoman - a return from his summer break
Mr. Bill - an end to his vow of silence
NY State Legislators - Brains and courage. They will never have a heart as it will reject them. And there is a better than average chance that the brains will too.
Santa - A speedy recovery from his adventure.
Kevin Williams Ch. 10 meteorologist - A transfer to Thule Greenland so he can enjoy snow and cold year round.
France - 23 new national soccer players to replace the ones that are spoiled rotten. (And they got exactly what they deserved in South Africa - A quick trip home as they did not deserve to be there.)
Ghana forward Gyan - A good hiding place after missing that penalty kick in the last seconds of overtime that eventually resulted in Ghana being ousted by Uruguay.
Jersey Shore - A quick death
Christina Applegate - King Dinglefritz's phone #.
Okay, After that I guess enough is enough. Have a pleasant evening.

Addendum
Did I say Christina Applegate??? What I really meant to say:
Susanna Hoffs, lead singer of the Bangles - King Dinglefritz's phone #, address and anything else to get her to Moronica.
What I wouldn't give to have a Time Tunnel and go back to 1986 and have a front row seat for a Bangles concert. OMG is she HOT!!!!!

Your King's Break is Nearly Over

Well, I have rested long enough. Sometimes you just have to step away for a while and let the creative juices recharge. And sometimes while there may be something interesting to write about the desire is just not there. I could write about England's goalkeeper and his hands of stone. I could write about the Mali Referee who singlehandedly almost screwed the United States. I could write about our beloved New York State Legislature and their goal of going an entire year without a budget. I could even write about my ex queen and her new beau the Burger King. But I won't.
I will keep this update short. My golf game is coming around as I finally seem to be playing like my old self again after many years of forced retirement. Lately I have been averaging between 86-94 with three of the last five rounds in the eighties. That sure beats the 95-100 that I was averaging last year. I can at least look forward again to maybe, just maybe breaking eighty again. I am fifty one and can still crush the ball and if my short game continues to improve, well who knows.
BP, which I guess stands for British Pinheads, has finally capped the gushing well. Now if they can plug it up permanently that will make the folks in the Gulf region feel better but it will be many years before that area ever returns to normal. Maybe they will start drilling wells with better anti leak measures like they do in Europe now. Again, I doubt it.
The World Cup is over and once again Ghana has knocked us out of contention. Maybe the U.S.A. should declare war on Ghana and annex them into our country before the next Cup. Hey, if you can't beat them, absorb them. It worked for Landru. Just ask Captain Kirk.
I hope Governor Paterson gets his wish and gets the soda tax enacted. That may be the way my slightly over sized belly of mine will finally return to a more normal state. But then again I am not fat, just big boned. It will be a good incentive for me to end my Coke (a-Cola) addiction. I won't buy soda anymore if the tax does go through just to spit in New York State's eye. (I will stock up before tax day however).
I have always liked Hillary Clinton and after reading an article about her in today's paper it seems that her fan base is growing. World leaders respect her and even some members of the right (GASP!!) seem impressed by her stances. The leaders have more respect for her than they have for our current president. It seems that we elected the wrong democrat to lead us. She is a strong Secretary of State and it looks like she was Obama's best appointment so far. Still I think she would rather be living in that big white house somewhere in Washington D.C. instead.
Thats enough garbage for this edition. Its good to be back. Stay thirsty my friends!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Moronic Tidbits from your Favorite Monarch

1) For some reason I seem to enjoy watching women's college softball on ESPN. It is not like they are dressed scantily like gymnasts but I played a lot of modified fast pitch softball when I was younger, Watching last night's game between Arizona and UCLA brought back memories. Bad memories. Arizona had UCLA by the throat with two out in the top of the seventh when a blunder by the outfielders led to UCLA evening the score and then winning in extra innings. It brought back bad memories when I pitched for some notoriously bad fielding teams. We would get two quick outs and then clank, an error and before you know it the other team has six runs up on the board. Your team's pitching is only as good as its fielding. I was not a bad pitcher but in a modified fast pitch league the ball is VERY hittable and I needed good fielding. On most of the teams I played for whenever the ball was hit it was an adventure but I did get to pitch for a great fielding team for about six years. We ended up winning three championships until everyone went their separate ways and we disbanded. It is too bad as we had a lot of fun.
2) Well, Memorial day Sunday was one for the books on the golf course. I finally played a round like my old self. A good consistent round for a score of 87 ( I had a +9 in the modified D'Aprile scoring system) and I still left about 5 strokes out on the course because of stupidity. Still your King won for the second time this year. I felt bad for the poor sap in the group ahead of us that finished +8 and was counting his cash until I showed up. I made sixty dollars. It paid for a round of drinks and it filled up my gas tank and then it was gone. Oh well. I was going to golf this past Sunday but when I woke up and looked out the window I saw an old man in a wooden boat in the stream next to my house loading up animals by the twos. I decided it was a touch too wet to play and went back to sleep. It figures since I was finally rounding into form that mother nature would stick it to me.
3) How about that 'great' call by umpire Jim Joyce the other night boning that poor pitcher from Detroit of his perfect game. Well, I have issued a Royal Order declaring that the game is to be recorded as perfect and reversing the umps call. At least Galarraga has a perfect game per Moronica. The ump gets points for his admission of his botch and Galarraga gets points for his demeanor after the call. The only loser is that slug Bud Selig for not doing the right thing and reversing the call. He is a jerk.
4) The Queen is almost totally moved out. Just a couple of big ticket items and that is it. She is the Burger King's problem now. I cannot wait until it is over. I will chill a bottle of champagne and open it when the house is completely empty of all of her crap. And I do mean ALL of her crap. I hope she feels that she made the right choice by fooling around on your King and then leaving him but hey, I am looking forward to not seeing the finances going into the toilet because of her bad management. I have learned a valuable lesson. Never trust a woman with the checkbook!!! PS: The house has never been cleaner.
5) The World Cup is almost upon us and your King will be watching as many games as he can. Hopefully everything will go smoothly for the games down in South Africa and with a bit of luck the USA will move on. What a shock it would be to the world if we could win the bloody thing. If we can get into the knockout round anything can happen. Go USA!!
6) Your King is still trying to sell the present site of Moronica but since the tax break ended on April 30th I have only had one person be shown the kingdom by the realtor. Looks like I will have to batten down the hatches for the long haul. It will be a lot of extra work and stretching of the dollar but I am looking forward to it. Eventually I may have to sell it to satisfy the Queen but who knows....There could always be a rogue meteor....LOL
Your King wishes you a good night from Moronica....before I get myself in trouble.