Last week I had the chance to fly down to Long Island, by invitation, and spend some time with executive dignitaries down there. It is not too often your King gets a chance to take a royal trip away from Moronica but when the opportunity comes I cannot pass it up, especially since my trip to Myrtle Beach to visit the Hungarian Ambassador to South Carolina was postponed this year. It was my first real trip down to the Island and I was quite lucky to make it back alive, but more on that later. The dignitaries treated your King like a King. I had a chance to go to Peter Luger's Steak House in Great Neck and it was just like what I had seen on the Travel Channel's 'Steak Paradise' show. The steaks were absolutely delicious and the wait staff treated all of us like kings. I had a shrimp cocktail to start off and believe me, if there were shrimp that used steroids these shrimp were it. They were not shrimps as they were HUGE. It was a meal in itself. The salad was gigantic and then the steak for four came out. WOW! The steak did not stand a chance as it was eaten in record time. We also had a bottle of an Oregon Pinot Noir wine that I found to be the best wine that I ever had. Then we got the bill. Luckily the dignitaries paid the bill as I would have had to sell my Kingdom to pay for it. It must be nice to have an expense account.
The next day I was treated to a round of golf at a course near Coram, the name of which escapes me at this time. The course had lots of sand and trees. My ball found lots of sand and trees. The front nine was a debacle but on the back nine I played a little bit more respectably. As Walt Whitman once said "I never met a divot I didn't like" or was that a man...geez, I cannot be sure but I definitely left my mark on that course. Next time I am packing a chainsaw.
Flying down was my first experience on jetBlue airlines. It wasn't too bad except the TVs were dead on the flight home and, of course, I had prepared myself and had a pair of earphones ready to enjoy it. Oh well.
All in all my trip down to Long Island was a great success as diplomatic relations between Long Island and Moronica are at an all time high. Unfortunately, so was my golf score.
Oh, in parting I must say that to drive in Long Island you must be registered as insane as your King's chauffeur had to do some fancy driving to avoid getting us killed by idiots that just do not know how to drive. Luckily I had my trip planned out to be the reverse of rush hour. As I was headed for JFK for the flight back to Moronica the expressway out of Queens was a parking lot. Thank goodness the traffic here is nowhere near as bad as that. Even during the normally slower traffic times there were still plenty of vehicles on the road. The quiet times were equivalent to rush hour up here. UGH!! I could never live down there as I would go crazy behind the wheel. Crazier than I already am and that is saying a lot.
That is it from Moronica tonight. Have a happy!!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Thirteenth Inductee into the Moronica Hall of Fame
Well, Roger Goodell finally made his decision. He has suspended our next inductee for the first six games, with two off for good behavior, for this upcoming season. This man, who is going to be the star in Moronica Pictures production of "Free Willy II" has set a standard for disgusting behavior that will be hard to top. This man had the world as his oyster but could not keep his willy under control. Luckily for him there was not enough evidence for Fred Bright, a Georgia District Attorney, to consider pressing charges, though I am sure he would have loved too. This is the second time he has been accused of sexual assault and he is pressing his luck. This is the same guy who, a few years ago, was so moronic that he decided he did not need to wear a helmet while on his motorcycle and promptly nearly ended his career when he crashed it. Maybe he scrambled his brains a bit when his head hit the pavement? Only his doctors can answer that question. The new inductee into my Moronica Hall of Fame is none other than Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.
Mr. Goodell decided, even though charges are not forthcoming, that Big Ben has violated the personal conduct code of the NFL and was worthy of a lengthy suspension. Ben has showed repeated stupidity for a man of his standing. It seems that this guy thinks that just because he IS an NFL quarterback he can do anything he wants to do and get away with it. Well, not any more Big Ben. The NFL has now placed you under double secret probation and you had better find a way to keep willy under control. It is time that he thinks with the head that sits upon his neck and starts to mature a bit.
The Steelers are now going to be without their star player for probably four games this year. And thanks to Big Ben they may have one hell of a hole to try to climb out of to get into the playoffs. The NFL season is short enough where four games really does matter. I just heard today on ESPN that if a top ten draft pick were to be offered for him he would be traded. Even though Big Ben is a moron I would hope that the Buffalo Bills, with pick #9 in the draft would consider trading it for him. They would have to address their offensive line with a pick or two also as Ben is not the most mobile of quarterbacks in the league. Big Ben is a sure thing, since if they decided to draft Jimmy Clausen out of Notre Dame with that pick he would be a big question mark as Notre Dame QBs are big time hit or miss projects. He could turn out to be the next Joe Montana or possibly be the next Rick Mirer. Only time will tell for that young man. But so far only the Bills and the Rams have said no to Pittsburgh's overtures for a trade. I guess the Bills figured they were so deep at the position they did not need his services. Wow, I cannot wait for another year of Trent Edwards but I digress.
Now, in conclusion, with the consistent pattern of moronic behavior exhibited by our friend Ben Roethlisberger it leaves me no choice but to induct him into my MHOF. So, if you happen to see Ben Roethlisberger please let him know of his enshrinement and the honor of which that has been bestowed upon him.
Mr. Goodell decided, even though charges are not forthcoming, that Big Ben has violated the personal conduct code of the NFL and was worthy of a lengthy suspension. Ben has showed repeated stupidity for a man of his standing. It seems that this guy thinks that just because he IS an NFL quarterback he can do anything he wants to do and get away with it. Well, not any more Big Ben. The NFL has now placed you under double secret probation and you had better find a way to keep willy under control. It is time that he thinks with the head that sits upon his neck and starts to mature a bit.
The Steelers are now going to be without their star player for probably four games this year. And thanks to Big Ben they may have one hell of a hole to try to climb out of to get into the playoffs. The NFL season is short enough where four games really does matter. I just heard today on ESPN that if a top ten draft pick were to be offered for him he would be traded. Even though Big Ben is a moron I would hope that the Buffalo Bills, with pick #9 in the draft would consider trading it for him. They would have to address their offensive line with a pick or two also as Ben is not the most mobile of quarterbacks in the league. Big Ben is a sure thing, since if they decided to draft Jimmy Clausen out of Notre Dame with that pick he would be a big question mark as Notre Dame QBs are big time hit or miss projects. He could turn out to be the next Joe Montana or possibly be the next Rick Mirer. Only time will tell for that young man. But so far only the Bills and the Rams have said no to Pittsburgh's overtures for a trade. I guess the Bills figured they were so deep at the position they did not need his services. Wow, I cannot wait for another year of Trent Edwards but I digress.
Now, in conclusion, with the consistent pattern of moronic behavior exhibited by our friend Ben Roethlisberger it leaves me no choice but to induct him into my MHOF. So, if you happen to see Ben Roethlisberger please let him know of his enshrinement and the honor of which that has been bestowed upon him.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
King vs. Cricket
Being too bloody cold and rainy outside this morning your King had the opportunity to watch his very first Cricket match from India compliments of DirecTV(unpaid plug). That was because golf for me was out of the question as I am allergic to cold and rainy weather. The match featured Decca vs. Dehli and was part of some kind of tournament. I sat on the couch wondering what the hell was going on as you had some guy running up and heaving the ball into the ground and a batter trying to whack it somewhere. I spent most of the time trying to figure out the scoring but I am sure of one thing and that is if you hit a homer you get credited for an automatic six runs. In our game of baseball if you hit a homer you can score up to four runs. I guess in India the exchange rate credits you with two extra runs.
As I sat there in stark amazement at the goings on I saw one of the batters hit a grounder and then two guys, the batter and someone opposite from him, start running at each other like madmen carrying their bats with them. I was sort of hoping they would using the bats on each other but I guess they were on the same team. I did not see any bases so that left me wondering what they were running for...I figured being in India they were running for their lives but that was not the case here. Behind the batter there were three wooden posts sticking out of the ground. Methinks the thrower is trying to hit the sticks and the batter is trying not to let him. Sounds logical.
One thing that I did figure out is that if the batter hit the ball and it was caught by one of the fielders he was out and someone else took his place and started swinging but the funny thing is that if he hit a homer he still got to keep swinging. There wasn't any slow trot around the bases like we have here as the umpire just put up both arms looking like he was signaling a touchdown. As the thing was worth six points I guess that it is a touchdown.
The game has divisions called overs and for the life of me I could not figure out what constituted an over. Here an inning is three outs for each team but an over?? Each team got 20 overs and got them consecutively. No on and off the field after three outs or whatever an over constitutes. I have a hunch that it is a certain number of balls thrown at the batter(literally AT the batter), but that is only a hunch. Speaking of 'at the batter' the batter has to wear pads, a helmet and big mombo gloves on his hands. The guy is better protected than a hockey goalie and for good reason as he, sometimes, has to swing the bat in self defense.
A funny thing about all of the fielders is that none of them wear mitts. They field everything bare handed and that does impress your King. I have never held a cricket ball so I do not know how hard or soft the thing is but I guess it still has to hurt if you field a hot liner back at your face. One of the keys to this game, and I still do not know why, is that if a hit ball rolls past the ring boundary you get, I believe, four runs added to your total. Four runs for a hot grounder that eludes the fielders??? That seems a bit much to me.
After the game was over I sat that wondering what the heck I just saw. I could google cricket to find out the rules of the game but what fun would that be? My imagination of what the rules could possibly be is a lot more fun than learning what the real rules are. Besides, that may be the only game I may ever see, though DirecTV (another unpaid plug) is showing the end of the tourney next weekend, if I am lucky enough to forget that it is on, and again only if I am lucky enough to get rained out of golf again but that wouldn't be cricket. Knowing the weather patterns that we have in this area during the spring and summer months on Sundays I am sure there will be a good chance I may be able to see the silly game again. Glancing at the clock I now see that it is tea time and I must end this written mess. This is your King hoping that the rest of your day does not find you getting into a sticky wicket.
As I sat there in stark amazement at the goings on I saw one of the batters hit a grounder and then two guys, the batter and someone opposite from him, start running at each other like madmen carrying their bats with them. I was sort of hoping they would using the bats on each other but I guess they were on the same team. I did not see any bases so that left me wondering what they were running for...I figured being in India they were running for their lives but that was not the case here. Behind the batter there were three wooden posts sticking out of the ground. Methinks the thrower is trying to hit the sticks and the batter is trying not to let him. Sounds logical.
One thing that I did figure out is that if the batter hit the ball and it was caught by one of the fielders he was out and someone else took his place and started swinging but the funny thing is that if he hit a homer he still got to keep swinging. There wasn't any slow trot around the bases like we have here as the umpire just put up both arms looking like he was signaling a touchdown. As the thing was worth six points I guess that it is a touchdown.
The game has divisions called overs and for the life of me I could not figure out what constituted an over. Here an inning is three outs for each team but an over?? Each team got 20 overs and got them consecutively. No on and off the field after three outs or whatever an over constitutes. I have a hunch that it is a certain number of balls thrown at the batter(literally AT the batter), but that is only a hunch. Speaking of 'at the batter' the batter has to wear pads, a helmet and big mombo gloves on his hands. The guy is better protected than a hockey goalie and for good reason as he, sometimes, has to swing the bat in self defense.
A funny thing about all of the fielders is that none of them wear mitts. They field everything bare handed and that does impress your King. I have never held a cricket ball so I do not know how hard or soft the thing is but I guess it still has to hurt if you field a hot liner back at your face. One of the keys to this game, and I still do not know why, is that if a hit ball rolls past the ring boundary you get, I believe, four runs added to your total. Four runs for a hot grounder that eludes the fielders??? That seems a bit much to me.
After the game was over I sat that wondering what the heck I just saw. I could google cricket to find out the rules of the game but what fun would that be? My imagination of what the rules could possibly be is a lot more fun than learning what the real rules are. Besides, that may be the only game I may ever see, though DirecTV (another unpaid plug) is showing the end of the tourney next weekend, if I am lucky enough to forget that it is on, and again only if I am lucky enough to get rained out of golf again but that wouldn't be cricket. Knowing the weather patterns that we have in this area during the spring and summer months on Sundays I am sure there will be a good chance I may be able to see the silly game again. Glancing at the clock I now see that it is tea time and I must end this written mess. This is your King hoping that the rest of your day does not find you getting into a sticky wicket.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Twelfth Member of the Moronica Hall of Fame
The more and more I hear about what is coming out about our ex-congressman, Democrat Eric "Tickle me Elmo" Massa (Elmo), the more and more I burn up inside. We, the members of the 29th Congressional District of New York, are at present without representation in the Federal Government because of this dingleberry. This man was in the military, fought a courageous battle against cancer, was happily, or so we thought, married and seemed like a honest forthright man and a good candidate for election to Congress. Boy were WE fooled.
It is hard to believe that he did not do any of his fruity type antics prior to running for election and that they did not come out. Did getting elected to Congress affect this man's brain? Did the ability to hire young male staffers affect this guys thinking patterns? What made him think that young men liked to get 'tickled'??? Thanks to him we now have the, Florida House Representative, Foley mess right here in our back yard due to this nimrod. Didn't anybody dig into this guys background prior to his running for Congress?
Now a bigger question, one that dogged former representative Tom Reynolds of New York during the Foley investigation, is who knew what and when did they learn about it. Nancy Pelosi's camp is sending out mixed signals about the time frames of discovery. It will be interesting to see if anythings happens as the result of this search but now, since Elmo is history, that search probably won't be as vigorous as it should.
What can go through a man's mind, knowing that he is under the public's eye 24/7, to do such silly and moronic things? He tried to explain himself on the Glen Beck show and the Larry King show but pretty much said nothing. Glen Beck apologized for wasting an hour of America's time interviewing that idiot. That pretty much says it all.
Governor David Paterson now has a dilemma in his hands thanks to Elmo. He needs to call a special election but only a few months after that election that seat will be up for grabs again. What does he do? Does he call the election, forcing counties to spend money that they really do not have, or wait until fall? Mayor Tom Reed of Corning is going to be our next representative from this district no matter when the election is held and who the Democrats put up to run against him. Holding an early election will give Mr. Reed a few extra months of seniority over any new people elected to Congress this fall. And in Congress seniority means a lot and it could mean something to the people in our district. Because of this a special election should be held as soon as possible.
Now, back to Elmo. Being an ex-military guy he surely did not put up much of a fight when all this came out. He mumbled a few possible reasons and then resigned. Good bye and good riddance. So now when you see Elmo, I mean Eric Massa, please let him know of his enshrinement into the Moronica Hall of Fame and the honor of which that has been bestowed upon him. He is a true moron perfectly fit for enshrinement for leaving us without representation.
It is hard to believe that he did not do any of his fruity type antics prior to running for election and that they did not come out. Did getting elected to Congress affect this man's brain? Did the ability to hire young male staffers affect this guys thinking patterns? What made him think that young men liked to get 'tickled'??? Thanks to him we now have the, Florida House Representative, Foley mess right here in our back yard due to this nimrod. Didn't anybody dig into this guys background prior to his running for Congress?
Now a bigger question, one that dogged former representative Tom Reynolds of New York during the Foley investigation, is who knew what and when did they learn about it. Nancy Pelosi's camp is sending out mixed signals about the time frames of discovery. It will be interesting to see if anythings happens as the result of this search but now, since Elmo is history, that search probably won't be as vigorous as it should.
What can go through a man's mind, knowing that he is under the public's eye 24/7, to do such silly and moronic things? He tried to explain himself on the Glen Beck show and the Larry King show but pretty much said nothing. Glen Beck apologized for wasting an hour of America's time interviewing that idiot. That pretty much says it all.
Governor David Paterson now has a dilemma in his hands thanks to Elmo. He needs to call a special election but only a few months after that election that seat will be up for grabs again. What does he do? Does he call the election, forcing counties to spend money that they really do not have, or wait until fall? Mayor Tom Reed of Corning is going to be our next representative from this district no matter when the election is held and who the Democrats put up to run against him. Holding an early election will give Mr. Reed a few extra months of seniority over any new people elected to Congress this fall. And in Congress seniority means a lot and it could mean something to the people in our district. Because of this a special election should be held as soon as possible.
Now, back to Elmo. Being an ex-military guy he surely did not put up much of a fight when all this came out. He mumbled a few possible reasons and then resigned. Good bye and good riddance. So now when you see Elmo, I mean Eric Massa, please let him know of his enshrinement into the Moronica Hall of Fame and the honor of which that has been bestowed upon him. He is a true moron perfectly fit for enshrinement for leaving us without representation.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Your King Comments on Some 'Ax' Wielding Morons
My blog description states that I will comment on things that I find highly moronic and, believe me, the guys that I am about to write about qualify. Two years ago the History Channel gave us the first season of the reality TV series "Ax Men" featuring the adventures of four different logging crews. I found it somewhat interesting but I dismissed it as being only a one year show as I really could not see it coming back. You could only take so much of Melvin Lardass, I mean Lardy of Stump Branch Logging, as the Pihl crew found out in season three but I digress. I watched it as I was interested in how the loggers went about their dangerous jobs but after the series' season was over my appetite for this was pretty much sated. Curiosity led me to watch season two as I wondered what they could do to make the show more interesting. Well, boy did they ever come through. They added the adventures of 'S & S Aqua Logging' to the crews that they follow. I can only call these guys 'D & D Aqua Logging'...D & D as in Ding and Dong Aqua Logging. This is a father and son operation that was so dysfunctional it was hilarious. The father is a nitwit whose every other word had to be bleeped and treated his son like crap. The son, well he tries his best, but can be just as tempermental as his dad, and as we have now seen from season three he can do the job well, but I will discuss that later.
'D & D, I mean S & S Aqua Logging' made the show watchable again and they did make some adjustments to how they showed the returning crews that they followed to increase my interest level but I watch the show just to see the antics of these aqua loggers though the antics of the Rygaard crew are highly entertaining too.
In the second season S & S was based on the Hoquiem River in their home state of Washington and and their job entailed pulling out logs from the river bottom that were cut years ago and never made it to the mills. Over the years the water cured this wood and made it more valuable. Jimmy Smith, the father, is a foul mouthed nitwit who his poor son James has to deal with all of the time. No matter what James did it was always wrong and boy did he hear from his dad about it. Their misadventures in that second season could fill a book. The best time was when the father could not steer his boat, because he had a big log tied to it, and ended up putting a hole in it by ramming a log. He made it to a place where he could fix it, and of course, pissed off the guys whose dock he infested. Unfortunately, by being on the show, the state of Washington found out about their business and shut them down as they did not have the proper permits. It does not surprise me that that big moron Jimmy would forget to do that. But did that stop them??? NO! It was not the end of the line for these two goofballs.
In season three they traveled down to the Suwannee River in Northern Florida and joined forces with Collins River Logging (CRL). During their trip down their 30 year old truck died a few hundred miles into the journey and they had to fly the rest of the way down. That should have been a harbinger of things to come. After a few weeks you really felt sorry for the owner, Joe Collins, of CRL as you could just see the exasperation in his face as he was being interviewed. He knew he made a big mistake in bringing Jimmy Smith into the fold. On one episode it was Jimmy versus the alligator, I was rooting for the gator but they brought in an expert who bagged the gator. Too bad. In one of the latest episodes Jimmy was having trouble finding his own logs and decided to bag one of the logs that CRL's other crew had marked for a later pickup and got called for it by the boss. What a ding dong! The next day he decided he had enough and slept in at his hotel. His son James, however, showed up for work. He got paired with one of CRL's other loggers and actually looked like he was enjoying himself for the first time ever. He was finding logs and seemed to be getting along well with his co-worker and even had a little bit of fun. It was amazing to see the transformation with the removal of his fungus father from the picture for the day. The last episode is this Sunday and I hope that they ship Jimmy back to Washington and keep James down there. It would be the best thing that could ever happen to that young man. But if they do that then season four will not be fun to watch. Ding & Dong Aqua Logging has made this show a must see. I never thought a show on logging would be fun to watch but Jimmy Smith, who should be in my MHOF, makes it so. As Bugs Bunny would say "What a Maroon!!!"
4/21/2010
An Addendum to this blog.
In the season finale of this series my prediction came true. Joe Collins offered young James Smith an opportunity to stay on and continue working with them. James did impress them when he had the chance to work with one of CRL's other loggers when with his pickle puss father decided to sleep in. Joe Collins sent his father packing, and of course Jimmy was mumbling and cussing about THAT. To James credit he accepted CRL's offer of continued employment and stayed in Florida while sourpuss dad Jimmy headed back to Washington. Unfortunately the show has ended for this year but I would sure like to know how James fared working a few extra months with CRL. I take my crown off to you James and hope you decide to stay in Florida and continue working with them if possible. You really needed to get away from your pickle puss father and move out on your own.
4/22/10
An additional addendum.
I have just found out the James Jr. did not stay with CRL like the end of the show depicted. He left soon after and that is a shame as that was what he really needed....to get away from that possum puss father of his. He had the chance of a lifetime and turned his back on it.
'D & D, I mean S & S Aqua Logging' made the show watchable again and they did make some adjustments to how they showed the returning crews that they followed to increase my interest level but I watch the show just to see the antics of these aqua loggers though the antics of the Rygaard crew are highly entertaining too.
In the second season S & S was based on the Hoquiem River in their home state of Washington and and their job entailed pulling out logs from the river bottom that were cut years ago and never made it to the mills. Over the years the water cured this wood and made it more valuable. Jimmy Smith, the father, is a foul mouthed nitwit who his poor son James has to deal with all of the time. No matter what James did it was always wrong and boy did he hear from his dad about it. Their misadventures in that second season could fill a book. The best time was when the father could not steer his boat, because he had a big log tied to it, and ended up putting a hole in it by ramming a log. He made it to a place where he could fix it, and of course, pissed off the guys whose dock he infested. Unfortunately, by being on the show, the state of Washington found out about their business and shut them down as they did not have the proper permits. It does not surprise me that that big moron Jimmy would forget to do that. But did that stop them??? NO! It was not the end of the line for these two goofballs.
In season three they traveled down to the Suwannee River in Northern Florida and joined forces with Collins River Logging (CRL). During their trip down their 30 year old truck died a few hundred miles into the journey and they had to fly the rest of the way down. That should have been a harbinger of things to come. After a few weeks you really felt sorry for the owner, Joe Collins, of CRL as you could just see the exasperation in his face as he was being interviewed. He knew he made a big mistake in bringing Jimmy Smith into the fold. On one episode it was Jimmy versus the alligator, I was rooting for the gator but they brought in an expert who bagged the gator. Too bad. In one of the latest episodes Jimmy was having trouble finding his own logs and decided to bag one of the logs that CRL's other crew had marked for a later pickup and got called for it by the boss. What a ding dong! The next day he decided he had enough and slept in at his hotel. His son James, however, showed up for work. He got paired with one of CRL's other loggers and actually looked like he was enjoying himself for the first time ever. He was finding logs and seemed to be getting along well with his co-worker and even had a little bit of fun. It was amazing to see the transformation with the removal of his fungus father from the picture for the day. The last episode is this Sunday and I hope that they ship Jimmy back to Washington and keep James down there. It would be the best thing that could ever happen to that young man. But if they do that then season four will not be fun to watch. Ding & Dong Aqua Logging has made this show a must see. I never thought a show on logging would be fun to watch but Jimmy Smith, who should be in my MHOF, makes it so. As Bugs Bunny would say "What a Maroon!!!"
4/21/2010
An Addendum to this blog.
In the season finale of this series my prediction came true. Joe Collins offered young James Smith an opportunity to stay on and continue working with them. James did impress them when he had the chance to work with one of CRL's other loggers when with his pickle puss father decided to sleep in. Joe Collins sent his father packing, and of course Jimmy was mumbling and cussing about THAT. To James credit he accepted CRL's offer of continued employment and stayed in Florida while sourpuss dad Jimmy headed back to Washington. Unfortunately the show has ended for this year but I would sure like to know how James fared working a few extra months with CRL. I take my crown off to you James and hope you decide to stay in Florida and continue working with them if possible. You really needed to get away from your pickle puss father and move out on your own.
4/22/10
An additional addendum.
I have just found out the James Jr. did not stay with CRL like the end of the show depicted. He left soon after and that is a shame as that was what he really needed....to get away from that possum puss father of his. He had the chance of a lifetime and turned his back on it.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Olive Branch of Peace Extended to Bikini Bottom by Moronica
Today I offered Mr. Pacifica the olive branch of peace to end this war of words. See comment four in my previous blog. In the spirit of bipartisan cooperation I hope he accepts it. I will be more than happy to have open discussions about our differing points of view without the insults if he will. Mr. Pacifica and I should stop acting like Congress and more like respectable human beings. I would enjoy reading about what he believes in and why as long as he keeps it to the point without drifting to comments about my belly size and IQ. I get along with people of both sides because I respect their views. There are reasons people have differing views and I understand that and dialogue should be encouraged, not discouraged. I believe Mr. Bill is alluding to the fact that you can best represent your side when you can discuss things civilly and not be insulting to each other and he is right. Sometimes a civil discussion between differing sides can alter certain points of view and maybe a middle ground on certain things can be reached. Insults just harden one's stance.
I am hoping that today will be the beginning of a new understanding between Bikini Bottom and Moronica. Moronica stands for peace. Moronica stands for civility. Moronica stands for cooperation between people of all races and beliefs. Maybe Bikini Bottom and Moronica can set an example for others to follow going forward. As of this moment I declare that Moronica will now observe a cease fire in the war of words towards Bikini Bottom. I pray that in the near future I can announce that a treaty of peace exists between our two nations and the stain of this nonsensical war will soon be a memory. We can only hope.
I am hoping that today will be the beginning of a new understanding between Bikini Bottom and Moronica. Moronica stands for peace. Moronica stands for civility. Moronica stands for cooperation between people of all races and beliefs. Maybe Bikini Bottom and Moronica can set an example for others to follow going forward. As of this moment I declare that Moronica will now observe a cease fire in the war of words towards Bikini Bottom. I pray that in the near future I can announce that a treaty of peace exists between our two nations and the stain of this nonsensical war will soon be a memory. We can only hope.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
War Declared upon Moronica by Bikini Bottom
It is a sad duty that I have to perform but I have to announce that on this day, a day that will live in infamy, war has been declared upon Moronica by the nation of Bikini Bottom, namely by its mayor Pacifica. A war between nations has always been dreaded. But, to the eternal credit of the peoples of Moronica history shall be able to proclaim loudly and justly that in this war between Bikini Bottom and Moronica, Bikini Bottom struck first. Bikini Bottom, its life form truly unknown and unimaginable; Its way of thinking unpredictable.
In a comment early last fall, that I had to delete because of its vulgarity, the Mayor of Bikini Bottom sent the first salvo into the Kingdom of Moronica. In that comment, which disgusted me thoroughly he insulted me and my Queen. Though I believe in freedom of speech I could not let this comment remain and disgust other people that may chance upon it and be burnt by its radiation.
What is really funny is that Pacifica has called me a hater of the Constitution, of which I am not. The main thing about the Constitution is that it protects the freedom of speech. It is something that our founding fathers thought was so important that they made it #1. It is something that the supposed Constitution lover, Mr. Pacifica, wants to deny me. He wants me to shut up and crawl into my pod and never be heard from again. Does that sound like someone who loves the Constitution and and would defend other peoples rights?? No. It is obvious to everyone that has read my writings and replies to this moron that I have actually defended, to my eternal credit, HIS right to free speech and have tried to encourage sensible dialogue between Bikini Bottom and Moronica. Unfortunately he continues to espouse hatred and stupidity. My efforts at maintaining peace between Moronica and Bikini Bottom have failed.
So, taking all that has been thrust upon your King, and in response to the anonymous commenter that encouraged me to admit Pacifica into the Moronica Hall of Fame, I do that right now. I find it quite easy to enshrine Pacifica, as the eleventh member of the MHOF, as he talks out of his butt instead of his mouth. To throw the constitution at someone and then try to deny that person its rights is truly a moronic quality. I wonder how many other blogs this guy has done his hit and run insults on. But, again, that is his right. I still back freedom of speech no matter how stupid and moronic it may make the person seem as long as it does not foment violence. Pacifica may have to check the dictionary to find out what 'foment' means, that is if he can read. So If you happen to see this Pacifica please let him know of his enshrinement and the 'honor' of which that I have bestowed upon him.
I look forward to battle with Bikini Bottom. I will defend Moronica to my last breath. Moronica will rule! Moronica will reign supreme! Your King is not a coward and I will not run and hide in my pod despite Pacifica's wishes. Your King is not fat, a tad overweight maybe and my picture does do me an injustice, but not fat. He calls me stupid but I have a degree from one of the finest colleges in the country. I am sure that the only degree that Pacifica has is one in Fahrenheit.
So, Mr. Pacifica you have thrown down the gauntlet and I have picked it up. The challenge is accepted. Are YOU up to it? I truly look forward to it as I have a lot of pent up tension and you are the perfect vent for it. It will be great therapy for me and I am actually feeling great as I write this. What is really, really funny is that I am defending Moronica from a moron. How ironic is that?
PS: To all of my faithful readers, it you wish to send this moron a message here is his site: http://pacifica-mayorofbikinibottom.blogspot.com
He hasn't said too much on it as it takes him a while to look up the words so that he can write them down with some semblance of coherence. That is if no one is around to help him. If you do comment it may be a while before he responds if there is no one around to read it and explain all of the big words to him.
I will write on the beaches, I will write in the trenches, I will write in the streets and I will never surrender to a picklepuss like Pacifica.
This is your King wishing you a good day and warning you to avoid the stray radiation that Pacifica is sure to use.
In a comment early last fall, that I had to delete because of its vulgarity, the Mayor of Bikini Bottom sent the first salvo into the Kingdom of Moronica. In that comment, which disgusted me thoroughly he insulted me and my Queen. Though I believe in freedom of speech I could not let this comment remain and disgust other people that may chance upon it and be burnt by its radiation.
What is really funny is that Pacifica has called me a hater of the Constitution, of which I am not. The main thing about the Constitution is that it protects the freedom of speech. It is something that our founding fathers thought was so important that they made it #1. It is something that the supposed Constitution lover, Mr. Pacifica, wants to deny me. He wants me to shut up and crawl into my pod and never be heard from again. Does that sound like someone who loves the Constitution and and would defend other peoples rights?? No. It is obvious to everyone that has read my writings and replies to this moron that I have actually defended, to my eternal credit, HIS right to free speech and have tried to encourage sensible dialogue between Bikini Bottom and Moronica. Unfortunately he continues to espouse hatred and stupidity. My efforts at maintaining peace between Moronica and Bikini Bottom have failed.
So, taking all that has been thrust upon your King, and in response to the anonymous commenter that encouraged me to admit Pacifica into the Moronica Hall of Fame, I do that right now. I find it quite easy to enshrine Pacifica, as the eleventh member of the MHOF, as he talks out of his butt instead of his mouth. To throw the constitution at someone and then try to deny that person its rights is truly a moronic quality. I wonder how many other blogs this guy has done his hit and run insults on. But, again, that is his right. I still back freedom of speech no matter how stupid and moronic it may make the person seem as long as it does not foment violence. Pacifica may have to check the dictionary to find out what 'foment' means, that is if he can read. So If you happen to see this Pacifica please let him know of his enshrinement and the 'honor' of which that I have bestowed upon him.
I look forward to battle with Bikini Bottom. I will defend Moronica to my last breath. Moronica will rule! Moronica will reign supreme! Your King is not a coward and I will not run and hide in my pod despite Pacifica's wishes. Your King is not fat, a tad overweight maybe and my picture does do me an injustice, but not fat. He calls me stupid but I have a degree from one of the finest colleges in the country. I am sure that the only degree that Pacifica has is one in Fahrenheit.
So, Mr. Pacifica you have thrown down the gauntlet and I have picked it up. The challenge is accepted. Are YOU up to it? I truly look forward to it as I have a lot of pent up tension and you are the perfect vent for it. It will be great therapy for me and I am actually feeling great as I write this. What is really, really funny is that I am defending Moronica from a moron. How ironic is that?
PS: To all of my faithful readers, it you wish to send this moron a message here is his site: http://pacifica-mayorofbikinibottom.blogspot.com
He hasn't said too much on it as it takes him a while to look up the words so that he can write them down with some semblance of coherence. That is if no one is around to help him. If you do comment it may be a while before he responds if there is no one around to read it and explain all of the big words to him.
I will write on the beaches, I will write in the trenches, I will write in the streets and I will never surrender to a picklepuss like Pacifica.
This is your King wishing you a good day and warning you to avoid the stray radiation that Pacifica is sure to use.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Upcoming Features from Moronica Pictures
A while back Twentieth Century Beaver and Moronica films merged to form the Kingdom's present film company known as Moronica Pictures. It is that time of the year to announce the upcoming movies to be released by Moronica Pictures over the remainder of the year. Here, in brief, is a listing of the movies, their major stars and a brief synopsis. Moronica Pictures is hoping that they all become blockbusters!
1) Ocean's Fourteen - Starring Robert Morone as Dan Ocean. Dan Ocean and his band of fourteen stooges form a plan to ransack a county's treasury.
2) The Mouth that Roared - Starring Joe Biden - Its about a man, who has been placed under a curse by a witch, who cannot say anything that makes sense.
3) Five Came Back II - Starring Nancy Pelosi as the lone female of a small group of Democrats who are returned to Congress after the 2010 elections.
4) Free Willy II - Starring Ben Roethlisberger - It is about a man whose willy keeps escaping from his pants and wrecking havoc among an unsuspecting population of female barflies.
5) Porky's III - Starring Michael Steele - Its about the adventures of a group of Republicans who revert back to their teenage selves and have fun at the local strip clubs using money from unsuspecting donors.
6) Creepshow III - Starring Eric Massa - Its about a man who has a fantasy about getting the last 'Tickle Me Elmo' doll available.
7) They Were Expendable II(Working Title) - Starring Barack Obama - About a group of men who change their votes at the bequest of their leader to pass a controversial bill and the havoc that ensues (Possible final title 'Armageddon II')
8) Freak Show II - Starring Congress - description unavailable at this time but I am sure whatever we can imagine will be even scarier than the movie.
9) The Miracle Worker II(Working Title)- Starring David Paterson - Its about a poor blind man who has a vision of leading a dysfunctional state government back to respectability. (Possible final title Dreamer II).
10) FORE!!!! - Starring Elin Woods - It is about a women who discovers some interesting phone numbers on her husband's cell phone and her use of a three iron on those found at the other end of those numbers.
11) Whats Mine is Mine and Whats Yours is Mine - Starring Repoman - Its about a man who discovers a clause in the Constitution allowing him to fulfill his main goal in life by foreclosing on the White House and evicting its current occupants.
12) Good Burger II - Starring the soon to be former Queen of Moronica - Its about a woman who sees a commercial starring the Burger King and her fantasy about marrying him.
Moronica Pictures hopes you will support your King and enjoy these upcoming flicks in your local theaters throughout the coming year. Live long and Prosper!
1) Ocean's Fourteen - Starring Robert Morone as Dan Ocean. Dan Ocean and his band of fourteen stooges form a plan to ransack a county's treasury.
2) The Mouth that Roared - Starring Joe Biden - Its about a man, who has been placed under a curse by a witch, who cannot say anything that makes sense.
3) Five Came Back II - Starring Nancy Pelosi as the lone female of a small group of Democrats who are returned to Congress after the 2010 elections.
4) Free Willy II - Starring Ben Roethlisberger - It is about a man whose willy keeps escaping from his pants and wrecking havoc among an unsuspecting population of female barflies.
5) Porky's III - Starring Michael Steele - Its about the adventures of a group of Republicans who revert back to their teenage selves and have fun at the local strip clubs using money from unsuspecting donors.
6) Creepshow III - Starring Eric Massa - Its about a man who has a fantasy about getting the last 'Tickle Me Elmo' doll available.
7) They Were Expendable II(Working Title) - Starring Barack Obama - About a group of men who change their votes at the bequest of their leader to pass a controversial bill and the havoc that ensues (Possible final title 'Armageddon II')
8) Freak Show II - Starring Congress - description unavailable at this time but I am sure whatever we can imagine will be even scarier than the movie.
9) The Miracle Worker II(Working Title)- Starring David Paterson - Its about a poor blind man who has a vision of leading a dysfunctional state government back to respectability. (Possible final title Dreamer II).
10) FORE!!!! - Starring Elin Woods - It is about a women who discovers some interesting phone numbers on her husband's cell phone and her use of a three iron on those found at the other end of those numbers.
11) Whats Mine is Mine and Whats Yours is Mine - Starring Repoman - Its about a man who discovers a clause in the Constitution allowing him to fulfill his main goal in life by foreclosing on the White House and evicting its current occupants.
12) Good Burger II - Starring the soon to be former Queen of Moronica - Its about a woman who sees a commercial starring the Burger King and her fantasy about marrying him.
Moronica Pictures hopes you will support your King and enjoy these upcoming flicks in your local theaters throughout the coming year. Live long and Prosper!
King vs. Golf and Bowling Again
Well I drove down to Geneseo and golfed this past weekend at the Livingston Country Club. It is a nice course with a number of challenging holes. Your King had an adventure on the course. I did not start driving the ball like I know I can until the sixth hole. My whacks on the first five holes were rather pathetic but after that they were respectable. My putting game surprised me as I putted rather well for the first time out. I only had one or two holes where my putter had a cow as I made a lot of nice putts and left myself a bunch of tap ins on the others. If I can putt like that for the rest of the year I will be a happy King. Now, the clubs that did not show up to play were my wedges and the 7-9 irons. I should have left them home as they embarrassed me to no end. At least now, when I go to Buttonwood to practice, these clubs will be worked on and they will be slapped up if they do not respond to my charms. Only time will tell.
In this first week we did have the little tourney part of it and, being a sport, I said I would participate. It was tough on the wallet as I was up against the guys who had already been out six or seven times but I am not one to refuse a challenge. I still happily donated. The weather looks iffy for this coming Sunday but if the crappola holds off I will give it a go again even though it is only supposed to get up to 60 degrees.
Going back to my driving it was made tougher as the course is still very wet and my ball tried to make like a gopher a number of times and burrow itself into the ground. I was lucky to find it as only the very top of it was visible. A few times I carried the ball over 270 yards in the air and I can only imagine how far it would have gone if the fairway was dry. The first few holes it was not a problem as the only major error it was determined that I made was that I was standing too close to my ball after I hit it.
My season at Spencerport Bowl is winding down with only one week left. We were in third place before this past Monday's action and we took six out of eight from the 'We Don't Care' team. I think that they really do care from the ranting everyone was subjected to after we spanked them in the third game. I think we may have snuck into second place and if we did we do have a chance to win the league. Collectively, as a team, we are the best bowlers average wise in the league but that is why they have a handicap system, to bone the good bowlers.
My year has been a little better overall as I have learned how to adjust a little better to the torturous shot that they put out as the so called 'house shot'. The oil completely dries up during practice and I am on my horse moving left trying to find a semblance of a line that I can exploit for a few frames before I have to move again. You cannot imagine what a pain in the ass this is. I shot a 626 this week and I earned it but did not enjoy it as I was constantly thinking about how I may have to play the next shot instead of relaxing and enjoying the company. I think the way to score better there, and it is a weakness of mine that I have to work on, is to look down the lane at the break point instead of looking at the arrow area for the ball to go over. I believe that this is the best way to get your ball to the pocket if you can consistently hit the correct break point you can and will score well there. We shall see. The owners have promised improvements and it will be interesting to see if they come through with them. They have remodeled the bar and that has really improved my game of bowling on the lanes. I think they should make sure that they resurface the lanes and then invest in an oiling machine that wasn't used in Bedrock before doing anything else. But, again, it is not my choice. A happy bowler is a returning bowler and since I like pain, and if my eventual relocation of the Kingdom of Moronica leaves me in the area, I will bowl there next year. Man, am I a glutton for punishment or what?
Well, that is enough pontificating for tonight so this is your King wishing you a pleasant evening.
In this first week we did have the little tourney part of it and, being a sport, I said I would participate. It was tough on the wallet as I was up against the guys who had already been out six or seven times but I am not one to refuse a challenge. I still happily donated. The weather looks iffy for this coming Sunday but if the crappola holds off I will give it a go again even though it is only supposed to get up to 60 degrees.
Going back to my driving it was made tougher as the course is still very wet and my ball tried to make like a gopher a number of times and burrow itself into the ground. I was lucky to find it as only the very top of it was visible. A few times I carried the ball over 270 yards in the air and I can only imagine how far it would have gone if the fairway was dry. The first few holes it was not a problem as the only major error it was determined that I made was that I was standing too close to my ball after I hit it.
My season at Spencerport Bowl is winding down with only one week left. We were in third place before this past Monday's action and we took six out of eight from the 'We Don't Care' team. I think that they really do care from the ranting everyone was subjected to after we spanked them in the third game. I think we may have snuck into second place and if we did we do have a chance to win the league. Collectively, as a team, we are the best bowlers average wise in the league but that is why they have a handicap system, to bone the good bowlers.
My year has been a little better overall as I have learned how to adjust a little better to the torturous shot that they put out as the so called 'house shot'. The oil completely dries up during practice and I am on my horse moving left trying to find a semblance of a line that I can exploit for a few frames before I have to move again. You cannot imagine what a pain in the ass this is. I shot a 626 this week and I earned it but did not enjoy it as I was constantly thinking about how I may have to play the next shot instead of relaxing and enjoying the company. I think the way to score better there, and it is a weakness of mine that I have to work on, is to look down the lane at the break point instead of looking at the arrow area for the ball to go over. I believe that this is the best way to get your ball to the pocket if you can consistently hit the correct break point you can and will score well there. We shall see. The owners have promised improvements and it will be interesting to see if they come through with them. They have remodeled the bar and that has really improved my game of bowling on the lanes. I think they should make sure that they resurface the lanes and then invest in an oiling machine that wasn't used in Bedrock before doing anything else. But, again, it is not my choice. A happy bowler is a returning bowler and since I like pain, and if my eventual relocation of the Kingdom of Moronica leaves me in the area, I will bowl there next year. Man, am I a glutton for punishment or what?
Well, that is enough pontificating for tonight so this is your King wishing you a pleasant evening.
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