Kingdom's Favorite Hockey Team gets Fired

I guess this weather is making me extra grumpy lately. Firing the Royal Meteorologist didn't help matters much.  We just had another thunderstorm after a severe drought that lasted over 12 hours in Moronica. It was getting to the point where I was going to have to water my lawn as the sun, which actually made an appearance today, was drying the grass out too quickly. 12 hours without rain...Just too bloody long but I really digress.
Now back to the meat of this stupid blog. I have been a Buffalo Sabres fan from day one. Ever since that infamous coin flip that allowed them to draft Gilbert Perreault first overall, and Vancouver ending up with some slug, I have rooted endlessly for them. That is forty years of pain and suffering and having my heart broken. Well last night was it. They rolled over and died against Philadelphia in game seven of their series. It was so nauseating that I ended up changing the channel to watch "Deadliest Catch" on Discovery before the end of the game. They should have won in game six but a stupid penalty taken by, now banned from Moronica, Chris Butler gave Philadelphia a power play which they used to tie the game up and then went on to win it in overtime. I am now firing the Buffalo Sabres as the favorite hockey team of the Kingdom of Moronica. I am going to watch the rest of the playoffs and the beginning of next season before deciding on a new team to represent Moronica. It will be like giving the other 29 teams an audition to see who will represent Moronica. Now, there are certain teams that will not be considered. Teams such as Philadelphia, Boston, any New York City based team, the Detroit Red Wings and any team that is stupid enough to sign Tim Connolly this off season. Those teams have already been ruled out. Now it would be nice if the other teams remaining in my list would seize this opportunity to become Moronica's team. Maybe fly out your King, wine him, dine him and throw a few souvenirs his way to sway him. Hey, everyone has a price and so does your King. But the Sabres are out, caput, finis, done and whatever other word fits.
Your King is tired getting laughed at, especially at work. My Facebook postings for the Sabres have been treated as a joke(probably deservedly so) and I am tired trying to defend a team that lacks heart at the time where heart means the most. Philadelphia showed the heart and determination they had inside them to crush the Sabres in game seven. Buffalo is now off to see the wizard to get a heart but I think he gave the last one to the Tin Man.
This is your King wishing that you all have a pleasant evening my friends.

Royal Droppings

1) I was watching the Sabre's playoff games and a commercial I saw gave me quite the chuckle. It was a commercial for Independent Health and it featured a special kind of treatment. It was called the 'Red Shirt Treatment', and anyone being a fan of Star Trek, would have a laugh at this. We all know that if you were a 'red shirt' on one of Captain Kirk's landing parties your chances of returning to the ship were pretty remote. This leads me to believe that this "Red Shirt Treatment" of Independent Health may be part of the so called death panels that Sarah Palin was talking about. To me the red shirt means that you have a trip to visit the coroner on your upcoming schedule. I think I will pass on that treatment.
2) OK, since the New York State electorate pretty much voted back in the same batch of knuckleheads that has screwed up this state lately I do not find it hard to believe that they are now knocking heads on two very difficult decisions. The decisions that must be reached will have deep implications into the future of New York State. The two decisions are: Will it either be Corn or Onions as the state vegetable and what will the official state dog be. Man, I cannot think of anything that they can be doing that would take priority over these tough decisions. I just hope that the semi-bipartisanship that resulted in an on time budget, for once, comes into play here. I would hate to see the government of New York State held in a long deadlock whilst the two parties wrangle over these choices. Only in New York State.
3) They helicoptered in a prisoner from some woe begone prison in Greene County a few days ago to Strong Hospital. Mr. Kenneth Piker, raper and sodomizer of a 13 year old girl, needs a heart transplant. I say let him die and reduce the surplus, useless population.
4) While the treasury of Moronica still has not returned to pre-Queen levels your King has decided to take a vacation. Sometime in the future, at a time to be determined, I will be off to Myrtle Beach to rest and relax at a seaside resort soaking up some much deserved sun. The clubs will be with me so maybe I can leave a few divots there as a reminder of my visit. With this cold and rainy spring your King has gone stir crazy and needs to get out of Dodge for a week. I will give you a report of my trip upon my return.
Well, this is enough baloney for today. It is actually quite nice out but, I need a snorkel to go out into my back yard. This is your King wishing you a pleasant day.

Your King Gets Snubbed Again

I fully expected that I would be holed up somewhere in London today awaiting the festivities of the upcoming Royal Wedding. You see, as King of the monarchy of Moronica, I fully expected to get an invitation to the Royal Wedding. You would think that in this day and age we monarchs would stick together and invite each other to our royal shindigs. Well, I kept checking my mail for the last couple of months and the box was continually devoid of said invitation. I find it hard to believe that they would not invite me to this occasion. I even checked with the USPS to see if there was an issue and they said they had no record of anything like that being addressed to the Kingdom. So you can see my frustration as to being, probably, the only royal figure not invited to this festive occasion. My monarchy may be small but it should not be ignored and that irks me. I hope it rains on their parade tomorrow. It has most certainly rained enough here.

Sacrifices Must be Made

Ages ago certain civilizations made sacrifices to appease the gods in hopes that they would provide what they needed to survive or even prosper. We in the modern era still make sacrifices but in a totally different way than our ancient brothers. If gas is expensive we sacrifice trips in the car. If our cholesterol is high we sacrifice fatty foods. Not in the ancient era. In the ancient era the high priest would select a person to be sacrificed to appease their gods. Usually it would be a beautiful young female virgin that would be placed upon the altar and sacrificed to their gods. They believed that this would bring them rains for their crops, victory over their rivals or just to make their gods happy or so they thought. Now has come the time for us to make such a sacrifice. Firing my royal meteorologist, then rehiring and firing him again did not work. The weather still blows in this neck of the woods. It is time to dig deep, like our ancient brothers and make the ultimate sacrifice to appease Mother Nature and bring about our spring. We need spring. Spring makes people happy. Birds sing, plants grow, the sun shines more and women start to wear skimpier things but I digress there. We must select a human sacrifice. After giving this great thought as to who to sacrifice, and no it will not be a pretty young female virgin as your King is now single and he does not want to risk sacrificing someone who may think he is hot but again I digress, and it will be someone who represents cold weather. The person to be offered to Mother Nature loves the cold and snow and his sacrifice will represent our desire to be returned to the sun and warmth that we expect from spring.  After consulting with a few people of Aztec descent we have determined that our sacrifice shall be meteorologist Kevin Williams of Channel 10. Anyone that puts a snowmaking machine, though it was a number of years ago, in his back yard should be sacrificed to appease Mother Nature. Sacrificing Kevin will show Mother Nature that we are serious about our desire for sun and warmth. Winter in Western New York and Moronica lasts far too long and for it to be extended as long as it has been is a crime. It is now April 18th and after looking out the window today and still seeing the white crap falling has made me, and a whole lot of other people, go crazy. This needs to end and it must end now. As I have said, sacrifices must be made and Mr. Williams is it.
It is now time for your King to take his medication to bring me back to reality. Until next time, and hopefully on my meds when I put up a new post, this is your King wishing you a pleasant evening.

Royal Mumblings from your Monarch

1) Well, your King did it again. After suffering through one of the most painful years bowling at Bedrock(Spencerport) Lanes I at least finished strong enough to win the 'League High Average' award for the second straight year. What is amazing is that it only took a 192 average to do it. Now, your King is not a 192 average bowler as anywhere else in the universe I can probably average around 210. Not at Bedrock. Dead pins, screwy oiling patterns and prehistoric machines lead me to wonder why I subject myself to this. I must be a glutton for punishment.
2) I had to chuckle when they put a video out of Czech president Vaclav Klaus slyly 'swiping' a ceremonial pen during a conference with Chile's president. I have the same problem at work with pen swiping. I had to put my name on my pens as a certain vendor of mine, when she would come early in the morning to drop off completed work, would bag a pen of mine each time. It really became comical for a while as it was always a guessing game as to what I would have left for writing utensils in my cube when I showed up for work long after she left. It could only happen to me.
3) How about the Buffalo Sabres??? From being the worst team in the league around Christmas they managed to come back and make the playoffs as the seventh seed in the east. If they play in the playoffs like they finished the season they may be a live underdog pick but knowing your typical Buffalo team they will be gone by the end of the first round.
4) I find it quite funny that Jane Corwin will probably be the next Congresswoman for the 26th district of New York. She has been a member of one of the most dysfunctional state governments for a while so I guess she can now bring that dysfunctional attitude to the Federal Government. BUT, I will give the state government kudos this time. They brought the budget in on time and actually reduced spending. Maybe Andrew Cuomo has brought in a new attitude to the circus in Albany. Only time will tell but so far he gets a plus.
5) Using the last of the foreign aid that the Kingdom of Moronica received from the United States Government this past March I again improved the infrastructure of the monarchy. Along with the new 46 inch Samsung LED TV your King also authorized the purchase of a new sofa-recliner. This replaces the couch that your King has tolerated for the last twenty three years. The old sofa did its job comforting your King but its was time to put it out to stud. It was depressing seeing it sitting out by the curb waiting for the Town of Gates to come and take it away as your King did have a soft spot for it but it had to go.
6) It is amazing how the weather started to turn better after the firing of the Royal Meteorologist but after much thought he was rehired last week. Now after the rehiring the weather is turning crappy again so maybe I made a mistake bringing him back. Hmm... Well that is enough garbage from my fingers for tonight. I was hoping to go golfing this Friday but they knocked down the predicted high temperature for the day by about ten degrees so maybe I will stay home. Your King wishes that you have a pleasant evening.