Your King Makes a Huge Decision

Faced with a better than expected windfall into the Moronican Treasury, thanks to my tax returns, I had a big decision to make. A lot of time and thought went into this decision and I did not want to look wishy washy, like someone in Washington D.C., when it came time to announce it. It came down to either taking a hell of a nice vacation or investing the money into the infrastructure of the monarchy. Great pains went into this decision. The pros and cons were tallied and compared to each other to help decide what would be the best use of these funds for the good of Moronica. After great thought I decided to use the funds for the betterment of Moronica. Infrastructure is a key component for a great society in this day and age and Moronica wants to be on the forefront of this. So your King went to Best Buy and bought a nice 46" LED Samsung flatscreen TV. This decision will put Moronica on the top of the map when it comes to the latest TV technology. While Hawaii sounded nice it would have come and gone after a week. Hopefully this TV will last a bit longer than that and provide your King with years of high quality HD TV entertainment that I most certainly deserve. Watching the Sabres and Bills screw up will be even more fun on the big screen and when it gets hooked up to my el cheapo surround sound system it should really be enjoyable. I am looking forward to it. Hawaii??? Maybe next year. This is your King saying I may not always watch TV but when I do I watch Dos Equis commercials. Stay thirsty my friends!!

Your King gets Crowned

Well, Your King visited the Seneca Niagara Casino today in an attempt to replenish the Moronican Treasury at the expense of the Seneca Indian Nation. Well, my friends, it did not go as planned as your King left the Casino with his tail firmly between his legs. It was such a disaster I did not even get my crab to munch on as I foolishly went into the buffet a little too early. I had luck on only one machine that I played and that only payed out piddly amounts, not really enough to really cash out and feel like a winner.
I called my friend Chief Raininthepuss and told him of my adventure with the Senecas and he just laughed at me, sort of like my wizard the other day when I asked him to lift the curse that was placed upon me. He told me that his fellow chief, Chief Haslotsofwampum of the Senecas, surely appreciated my contribution today. What could I say? I guess that Haslotsofwampum now has even more wampum to put into his account. It will be a long while before I dare try my hand in the casino again. Once or twice a year is more than enough for me. Unless, of course, I decide to go to Reno in May but with the way I am bowling I find it difficult to see myself lugging bowling balls 2,500 miles west to bowl in the USBC National Tournament. The only place I want to take my bowling equipment is to the nearest bridge over the Genesee River and drop it in. It would be the most enjoyment that I have had with my bowling equipment for a good long time. Unless I decide to roll the balls down Court Street in Geneseo, but again I really digress.
Well the Sabres are now on and it is time for me to sign off and watch the game. Have a pleasant evening my friends.

Royal Droppings

1) The number one peeve that I have about athletes is when I see an athlete not being able to play because of the flu. Tomas Vanek is out of tonight's Sabre game because of it. Now I ask you with the amount of money that these guys are getting payed by their clubs don't you think that the Sabres can afford to get their players flu shots before flu season so they won't catch the bloody flu?? You would think that they would be more than happy to have a nurse come in with twenty five doses of the crap to inject into the players. But then again that would be logical.
2) I had a good chuckle during my weekly nightmare at Bedrock(Spencerport) Lanes this past Monday. Early in the first game I hear a funny noise and the sound of Niagara Falls behind me. It turns out that something, maybe the ancient roof on the place, sprung a leak and all of a sudden we had a cloudburst near the counter. Only at Bedrock. Also their oiling machine had fit last night and laid out a flood shot. Of course I did not bring my oil ball there as they are chintzy in laying out the stuff. I would never expect to have the need to use it so why lug it around? It was a battle to keep my sanity all night but the team took all eight points. That is all that matters!
3) Well, my back survived this past snowstorm without too much damage to it. I still ended up using the blower twice on my driveway as it was the heavy wet crap that this time of year is famous for. I almost waited too long to do it the first time as my blower had a battle with it. It was only about three and a half inches but it was so heavy that the poor thing nearly died...as I would have if it did. I am so sick of this damned climate.
4) My young apprentice at work came through for your King last Friday. I have had a hankering for a real Philly Cheesesteak sandwich for quite a while. Ever since I saw the bit for Philadelphia based 'Pat's King of Steaks' on a Travel Channel show a while back I have had this craving. They make it just the way I would love it. He told me of this place on the corner of Long Pond and Ridgeway that was as close as you can get to it without going to Philly. I think the name of the place was, in fact, Philly Cheesesteaks. So I went there and ordered one. I was in heaven as it was just like I would have imagined that Pat's would taste like!! If it just had a tad more Cheez Whiz it would have been perfect as I love cheese oozing all over my fingers. I will definitely be back there for more.
5) Your King is planning a trip to the Seneca Niagara Casino in the near future. I got my taxes back and will take a small bit of it and have a day out. They had better order more crab for the buffet as that will be one of my targets. I asked Mary's magic eight ball, which has never lied to me, if I would win on my next trip to the Casino. It said 'most definitely'. I hope its streak of telling me the truth continues and I come back with a wad. But then again, since Merlin could not lift my curse, who knows. I am sure I will write about the trip...unless I lose big. Stay tuned.
Well, that is enough droppings for tonight. Maybe I will grab a Dos Equis from my fridge and watch the Sabres. Stay thirsty my friends, thirsty for more of my droppings. Have a pleasant evening.
Your King.

Your King Tries to Lift the Curse

Considering the black cloud that has seemingly been hovering over my head the last few years I decided to call in my Royal Wizard, Merlin, to see if he could lift the curse that seems to have me by the petunias. It was an interesting conversation.
"Merlin, I need your help. How good are you at lifting curses?"
"Your Royal Highness, curses are right up my alley."
"That is good to hear I can really use your help with this one."
"Okay sire, of course you know the higher the level of the curse the higher the fee."
"Hey, if you get rid of this one you will be paid handsomely!"
"You have a deal sire. What I need to know is the exact wording used by the person that placed this curse on you."
"The exact wording?"
"Yes."
"It was 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'"
"Sorry bub, there is nothing I can do to lift that curse...You are on your own. I am out of here."
I guess I am cursed for life.

The Rain, The Park and Other Things

It has been such a lovely day here in the Kingdom of Moronica. Rain all day soon to be followed by 6-12 inches of white death. It was Channel 13's weatherman, Glenn Johnson's, turn to get on my nerves this week. On Friday he was showing that Sunday's storm had two possible tracks, one good for us, the other sucky. He was leaning towards the track that was good for us Friday night which would have meant only flurries and gradual clearing on Sunday. The big chicken left it for the poor weekend weather sap, Mark McLain, to lower the boom on us while he sat home out of the limelight. I have only three words to say to Glenn..."bock, bock, bock!!"
Considering that Moronica may be snowed in tomorrow I went out to eat today and decided to go to Red Lobster. Nothing like a plate full of crab and other seafaring goodies to make your King purr while awaiting the impending dumping. I still had a gift card from my 50th birthday party, which shows you that I really do not get out that much, for the place and finally got around to using it. I am now out of Red Lobster gift cards so if you readers really love your King feel free to send me new ones.
I hope that this storm proves to be a dud, which I highly doubt, as my back has finally recovered from last Friday's nightmare. It is now March. We in Moronica are supposed to be thinking of warm weather, golf and even seeing the sun on occasion but this is beginning to get ridiculous. We have already had more than enough snow this season and frankly, I am just about sick of it and I am sure all of you are too...save for my favorite snow and cold lover foil, Channel 10's Kevin Williams.
As you can tell I am really bored tonight to devote a whole blog on the weather. The Sabres played this afternoon and I forgot about that so I am stuck as Time-Warner, as usual, really has absolutely nothing on all of its channels. I could have written about how much I hate Time-Warner but I want to be in bed before midnight. I will save that for an extra boring night.
This is your King wishing you a pleasant evening. Have a Happy!!

Moronica News Wire - King Dinglefritz Reporting

1) It is hard to believe but I think the guy that runs the oiling machine at Bedrock Lanes has finally read the owner's manual and listened to the tech that delivered the machine to them. The tech told them to use light oil in the machine so what did they use until five weeks ago??? Heavy oil. The wicks did not saturate and the shot they put out sucked. The shot now is playable and my 'Great Recession' drop in my average has ceased and is now going up. I have been averaging well over 200 during the month of February. Is it enough to bring me back next season? Probably not at this time. I am getting too old to be frustrated all of the time.
2) New York State continues to make me laugh and shudder at the same time. Now they want to put license plates on bicycles, for a fee of course, make them get inspections, for a fee of course, and make certain riders get insurance. OMG what will this state do next to get a buck?? Tax my blog per word I write? I would not put it past the jerks. What this state needs is a Tunisia like revolt with people marching into Albany and toppling this state government and putting in a new one. We need to see what budget smart states are doing and start doing what they do.
3) One thing I do like though is their idea to put a cap on Teacher Superintendent pay. They make far too much money for what they do. They should be paid in regards to the size of their districts. But in the end the state will cave and teachers and state workers will continue to rape the taxpayer for their benefits so they can get their glorified state pensions. OR get another job while collecting their pension to really stick it up our chutes. You should be ineligible to collect a state pension if you continue to work. Also you should not be able to fatten up your pension by working tons of overtime in the last three years prior to your 'retirement'. Those are the real scum sucking dogs.
4) This past Friday sucked. My backed ached for days as I had to shovel quite a bit of my driveway as my small royal snow blower could not handle the amount that nature dumped on us. It tried its best but I spent an hour heave-hoeing the snow where it was too deep for it. I could just picture our pal, Kevin Williams of Channel Ten, smirking as I was dying screwing around in my driveway. You want snow, Kevin??? Move to Antarctica!!
5) I miss the Royal Mutt.
6) As you can see by the title of this blog I have to do all of my reporting. The depletion of the Royal treasury by the ex-queen has resulted in my canning the entire Moronica press corp. Maybe I can hire one back after I get my tax return. It is either that or a trip somewhere warm this spring. Right now the trip is leading all Moronica opinion polls by wide margins. My friend Mike wants me to go to Reno this May. Unfortunately that would include bowling. Talk about ruining a trip to the Worlds Biggest Little City. I have been to Reno twice and have enjoyed it both times...but that was when bowling was fun. It is not fun anymore.
7) I am happy that we are now in March. Good bye February and good riddance!! Last year we did not get a flake of snow the entire month. Can we get that lucky this year or will Mother Nature make up for last year. I have a bad feeling about this month. But there is always hope.
This is your King wishing you a pleasant evening. Have a happy!!!

More Mumblings from your Monarch

1) Woke this morning about 3:30 and rolled over in bed. As I was rolling over it felt like someone shot your King in the lower back. As of now it still hurts like hell so maybe it is time for me to get one of those Teeter hang ups. If anyone, who reads this nonsense of mine and, has one I would appreciate an opinion on this product. I need a new back. Ouch.
2) I was looking at an old magazine of mine, I am a pack rat when it comes to keeping old mags, and one of the articles asks "Is evolution making us dumber?". It discusses how our brains have been shrinking a bit over the past thousand plus years or so. It is said we only use ten percent of it anyways so what is a little shrinkage among friends? Anyways we are getting dumber as a society and I will tell you why. The cause is technology! Kids nowadays have too many diversions technologically wise that I did not have as a kid. They have all sorts of video games they can rot their minds on among other things. When I had nothing to do I read books and learned things. Just ask the people I work with as my mind is a vast container of useless knowledge. Kids today do not read but they sure as hell have the strongest thumbs around. The only reading they do is reading the latest text that is sent to them by their friends. No need to even learn how to spell anymore when using 'textese'. Ugh.
3) Did I say that my back is killing me?
4) The weathermen are predicting a warm up this week for this area. Temperatures may sneak into the upper forties by Friday. I can't wait. Gonna get my bathing suit and tanning lotion out for this occasion. Oh, I forget, it is going to take months before all of this snow melts. Poor Kevin Williams must have had a tear in his eye when he saw the weather models predicting a warm up.
5) The Bills made a 'big' signing a couple of days ago. They resigned linebacker John Corto. Wow, that will help plug that huge hole in the Bill's defense called the entire linebacker position. It makes me want to start a countdown to training camp...if there is even going to be a season this year but I will wait to talk about that until later.
6) Rumor had it that former Congressman Chris Lee is hiding out in Florida after his resignation. I guess he got sick of the weather in Washington and figured out a way to get out. Unless there is more to come I do not feel what he did warranted his resignation. Others have done far worse and stayed on the job. I just would not want to be him when his wife gets a hold of him. Whoa Nellie will the fur fly then!!! Maybe she can borrow that 3 iron from Elin Woods. Mr. "Buff Boy" will not be so buff after his wife takes a few divots.
Well that is enough garbage for tonight. Time to try again to find a position to put my body in so my back will stop aching. I would give my kingdom for a cute Swedish masseuse right about now. Oh the pain....the pain.

Oh No, Not Again

It is beginning to seem that once you are elected to Congress from Western New York you are required to take a stupid pill. It all started with Democrat, and chief tickler of the 29th District, Eric Massa who resigned last year amid allegations of sexual impropriety. Well, it has happened again. You would think others would learn from a previous Congressman's mistakes but I guess not. Representative Chris Lee (R) of the 26th District ingested a few stupid pills of his own in a Craigslist scandal where he misrepresented himself to a young lady and sent topless pics of himself to her. Rumor has it the Mr. Lee contacted Brett Favre to find out the best ways to contact young females. Well, we at least have to give him credit for sending naked pics of only the upper half of himself to her and not taking Brett's full advice.
A site called Gawker, I believe, reported this earlier today and he resigned his seat in Congress less than two hours ago because of this. OMG, how stupid can people get nowadays??? What is going to happen next?? Are we to find out that Louise Slaughter supplements her income at the Tally Ho??
Supposedly this man was happily married but, I guess, family values meant nothing to him. Is the pressure of working in Congress so much that people lose their common sense? Maybe the actual winners of last years elections were the ones who did not get voted in. They get to keep their sanity as a reward for losing. I think it is time for we in Western New York to demand more from our elected officials instead of them turning our area into a circus. The only thing missing now from Western New York is P. T. Barnum. Mr. Barnum is most remembered for saying "There is a sucker born every minute" but in our state I guess that includes everyone that voted for Eric Massa and Chris Lee. I was a sucker for voting for Eric in 2008 and at least I wasn't suckered by Chris Lee this time. I feel for the poor saps in his district that did vote for him believing they were going to get solid representation from him. Boy, were they wrong. We just cannot win in New York. Excuse me but I have to leave now as I must patrol Lyell Avenue in order to raise money to pay my NY State tax bill that keeps on getting bigger every year. I have to make sure that all of those state workers and teachers get their pensions so they can retire at 55 and move to Florida but I digress. That discussion is for another day. Good night.

Your King is On The Beach

Your King decided to watch an oldie but goody movie that got me to thinking, and anyone that knows me realizes that usually means trouble. The movie was "On The Beach" which is a drama about the aftermath of a nuclear war between the USA and the USSR and the people of Australia awaiting the slowly approaching radioactive aftermath of this war. It stars Gregory Peck as the captain of a US nuclear sub that manages to make its way down to Melbourne but that is besides the point.
Watching this movie gets me to thinking why do we need these atomic weapons of mass destruction? Who in their right mind would ever use these in a war? Russia and the USA have just signed and ratified the newest START Treaty which limits our two respective countries to 1550 atomic weapons each. That is 3100 of these dastardly weapons between us and that is not even counting what China, England and the rest of the nuclear fraternity have in their stocks. How many times over will 3100+ weapons destroy this world? Is there any need for even one of these devices of doom to exist let alone the number that actually do exist??
The big question is who has the wherewith all to actually use one of these devices? Pakistan, India...maybe but I doubt it but if I were to lean towards one it would be Pakistan. North Korea?? The thing is I do not think they would. They want attention from the developed world and what better way to get that attention than by having a few of these bombs in their arsenal. The country on this planet that we have the most to fear from if they obtain one of the devices is Iran. This is a country that is populated by a group of people whose radical elements would not hesitate to strap on an explosive device, walk into a crowd of innocent people and detonate it. Their government is led by idiots who could possibly be stupid enough to unleash this weapon if they ever get a hold of one. We need to get together as a world to keep these morons from getting the bomb.
The thing is do the peoples of this planet need to be equipped with weapons that would leave this Earth a radioactive wasteland, uninhabitable for many years? The answer is no. These weapons need to be eliminated from the arsenals of all countries that have them. All it takes is one moment of stupidity, one misidentified blip on a radar, one overzealous nut that just happens to have his finger on the button to make a mess of things. I am sure if the Earth had a choice it would try to cleanse itself of this mess called humanity. We, as a species, do not deserve this planet. We kill each other wantonly, pollute this planet beyond belief and destroy species that have every right to try to survive here along with us. AND we have the ability to render this planet uninhabitable unlike the mountain gorillas or the bottle nosed dolphins.
The ending of the movie "On The Beach" is powerful and it is a movie that needs to be watched. "Fail Safe", starring Henry Fonda, is another movie that shows what can happen when something goes wrong atomic weapon wise. Just sit back and think about the folly of nuclear weapons and you will realize that they are a disease that is waiting to strike. Can you imagine what you would be thinking about if you were stationed in Antarctica and were among the last, temporary, survivors of such a war awaiting the slow southerly march of the radioactive fallout cloud knowing that your time is nearly up?? It boggles the mind to even ponder that this could ever happen. I hope we are smarter than that.
Your King has spoken.

Mumblings from your Monarch

1) Your King took January off to relax his mind and gear up for a new blogging season. There is plenty to write about. NY State Senator Jim Alesi comes to mind as a prime idiot..I mean example. Being in the NY State Government disqualifies him from being enshrined into my MHOF, as I will not allow any individual representative to contaminate the honored individuals the have been inducted, but I will give him an honorable mention anyways. Besides I have already inducted the NY State Senate as a whole. He will get his deserved write up in time.
2) Your King was out of the country on a goodwill trip to Northern Africa this past January, specifically to Tunisia and Egypt. We all now see how well that went. I think I will stay home for a while.
3) I hate this climate. At present it is snowing like a banshee outside. My back aches and my left thumb has tendinitis from shoveling the white crap. At least it looks like there will be enough to run the royal blower this time. I hope we have the season that we had last year when it stopped snowing at the end of February and March was snow free. We deserve it but I have a feeling we will have a late spring this year. Some dumb upper level high pressure has planted its ass over Greenland and refuses to budge thereby putting us in the freezer. Ugh.
4) Thank goodness that blowhard Rex Ryan and his band of idiots, the NY Jets, did not make it to the Super Bowl. I can just imagine the sideshows there would have been with their big mouths running full tilt. It is not often I root for Pittsburgh but I thank them for disposing of them. Now they can make me even happier by losing to the Green Bay Packers. Go Pack!!
5) The Royal Mutt payed a visit to Moronica a couple of weeks ago for the first time in six months. It was like she never left as she remembered all of her boundaries and the little games she loved to play. She even remembered me. She is a brilliant dog who I miss greatly. Too bad she now resides with the Burger Queen.
6) With the Moronican Treasury being as depleted as it is, I wonder why, your King as worked hard in the royal kitchen refining his elaborate skills. Two weeks ago it was spaghetti sauce, today it was chili. Both turned out absolutely delicious. Just cannot go out like I used to but I do enjoy my efforts in the kitchen. It is like crafting a work of art, each dish a masterpiece in its own right.
7) Of course, for the first time in ages as I am trying to write this nonsense, the Sabres decide to go on a scoring binge. You know full well the moment I stop this and go back to watching the game full time they will not score another goal. I may as well see if I am right. I will let you know as I wish all of you a pleasant evening. Stay warm and dry my friends.
Your Royal Monarch Dinglefritz, King of Moronica.

"Time off" for your King???

Well I had some paid time off to burn or else I would lose it. That would have been a sin as it is rather quiet now at work....before the expected oncoming storm, so it gives me a chance to clear my mind and prepare for it. You think I would rest and relax but NOOOOO!!! As I am lying in my bed Sunday night I look at the walls and ceiling of my Royal Bedroom and they reminded me of what a Royal Dungeon should look like. Grungy! So on Monday I raided what was left of my depleted Royal Treasury...well what do you expect the treasury to be just past Christmas, and bought some supplies. I went to Home Depot and bought some paint and accessories to make the Royal Bedroom look royal again. To make it fit for a King again, so to speak. I did a bit of trim work Monday afternoon so I could blast it with the roller today. Well it has turned out to be a royal pain in the ass. Too much taping, too much covering, too much moving crap around and too much paint not doing what I want it to do. I must have forgotten how much I actually hated painting but it came back to me in a sudden rush as I commenced my project.
After a bit of work, finishing the trim for what I wanted to get done today, I reached a point where I had to stop and take a break before I could continue. So I went out and got my newspaper to read and went to Bill Gray's for lunch, you know for personal reasons that I would never go to Burger King, for a couple of burgers which I assimilated quickly as they were very tasty. You cannot go wrong with a Bill Gray's burger unless you do not have a coupon. If you don't have a coupon a stop at the local bank for a quick withdrawal would be a good idea. They may be the world's best cheeseburgers but they are also the world's most expensive cheeseburgers but I digress.
I then went back to work and finished about 80% of the project leaving the balance for tomorrow which I dread as it involves moving my bed. That will pretty much suck as I may as well make my appointment with my Chiropractor right now. This is your King, awaiting his expected bad back with impunity, wishing you a pleasant evening.
PS: The Governor of Pennsylvania is an idiot because the NFL did the right thing in moving the game to Tuesday. Besides giving us something to watch on a usually crappy night of television what a mess it would have been with 70,000 fans trying to get home through the blizzard at midnight. I would rather be a nice, warm and safe wuss than a cold, trapped in a snowbank, football fan trying to get home. I wonder if Governor Moron had tickets to the game. If he did not he should keep his big yap shut as fan safety is paramount.

Merry Christmas

This is King Dinglefritz, Royal Monarch of the Kingdom of Moronica, wishing all of you a Merry Christmas. I hope that Santa fulfills all of your wishes.
I will try to give him a call afterwards, that is before he leaves for his Bahamas vacation, to see how he is doing and how his trip around the world went. Feel free to track him @ Noradsanta.com even though he is not keen about having that tracking device attached to his sleigh. Though I do hear he is compensated quite handsomely for it.
Hopefully he will answer my call as the last I knew he was still recovering from the Secret Service incident at the White House.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

Ruminations from your Royal Monarch

1) I was checking out the weather section of today's paper and I happened to come across the snowfall totals for the region. What I see leads me to believe that Lakes Erie and Ontario should be filled in. Of course seasonal wind direction plays a big part in this but these totals are interesting as of yesterday:
Buffalo - 29.9"
Rochester - 46.1"
Syracuse - 71.7"
Albany - 4.2"
Toronto - 3.8"
What stands out the most is Toronto's total of only 3.8 inches so far. With their location, even though they are right on the lake, they almost never get any lake effect snow. We would be right on par with Toronto if Lake Ontario was filled in.
2) Well we got our tax bill signed despite the best efforts of the GOP to keep this stalled until their millionaire and billionaire buddies got their cuts too. This bill also had relief for the unemployed as it extended their benefits but the GOP held out. Here is an 'interview' with Senator Mitch McConnell-R, Kentucky courtesy of the Moronica AP:
"Senator, why are you holding up the bill for tax relief from the poor and middle class and assistance for the unemployed?"
"We are not supporting this bill until they include tax relief for my millionaire and billionaire supporters. Those poor souls need it too."
"But Mr. McConnell, what about the poor and unemployed who really need this relief to survive?"
"Are there no prisons? Are the workhouses out of business?"
"Sir, the prisons are full of convicted criminals and all of the workhouses are now in India and China."
"Harrumph. This interview is over."
He then stormed away from our reporter. Senator Harry Reid was heard mumbling as he walked by: "At least we now know what GOP stands for: Greed Over the Poor." (Remember, my GOP friends, that this is just a blog of moronica)
3) It is now only a week before Christmas and, lo and behold, I have seen the first vestiges of Valentine's Day candy now making their appearance at the local Wegmans. It was just a small little display but c'mon, Valentine's day is in February. We still have two weeks of this miserable month to get through. Let us at least make it to the new year before we start seeing valentine candy. Jeez.
4) I do not know what is more moronic, T.O.'s mouth and TV show or Ryan "Grizzly Adams" Fitzpatrick's beard. We have come to expect anything from T.O. as his team stinks and he is not afraid to place the blame where it belongs. I will give T.O. a break on this for now but that beard of Ryan's has to go. My god, from what I have heard the beard even has a twitter account. If he lets it grow any longer he can dye it white, put on a red suit and be a department store Santa. It is beginning to get comical to watch his interviews from week to week just to check on the beard. He is supposed to shave it off at the end of the year but he may have to put that on hold as a pair of robins have built a nest in it.
Well it is almost time for my weekly torture of watching the Bills play and lose again at the last minute. This is your King wishing you a pleasant day.

Fifteenth Inductee into the Moronica Hall of Fame

Continuing the tradition that your King has created in the Kingdom of Moronica of enshrining those who go over and above the call of duty when it comes to being a moron we now have our historic fifteenth inductee into my MHOF. This inductee has a cushy job as an assistant coach of an NFL team. This boob instructed the inactive players to line up as close to the sideline as possible in order to possibly get in the way of the gunners of the team punting the ball. This moron actually took the step of kneeing, and injuring an opponent, as he was heading down the sideline to cover a punt. My new inductee is none other than the Strength and Conditioning Coach of the New York Jets, Sal Alosi. This boob sets back sportsmanship fifty years and puts the evil eye on the coaches who are above him in the Jets hierarchy.
Going back in time I remember watching old time NFL videos where players along the sideline would half in jest stick their foot out when an opponent would run by but there is one instance where a player came from the sideline and actually tackled the guy. This was ages ago and my thinking is, in this day and age of video scrutiny, that this stuff was a thing of the past but no. Sal Alosi has brought back those 'fine' memories of the lack of sportsmanship.
According to his players, inactive tight end Jeff Cunningham in particular, he has had them line up all year along the sidelines during a punt just as they did against the Dolphins this past Sunday. This time he took it one step further by actually sticking out his knee and sending Dolphin's gunner Nolan Carroll flying and Nolan ended up being injured on the play. At first the Jets suspended Sal for the rest of the year when they thought this was just an isolated incident but when they found out that the players were actually instructed by this moron to do this he was suspended indefinitely without pay and fined an additional $25,000. This guy must be a complete idiot figuring that he could get away with this without big brother catching it. I was watching the game and just shook my head in disbelief when they showed the replay of him taking Nolan Carroll down with his knee. I tell you cameras are everywhere in an NFL game. They even caught Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez wolfing down a hot dog, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, during a game last year while he was sitting on the bench. I guess when you are hungry you have to eat and since he was a number five draft pick last year I guess he could afford to buy a concession stand hot dog. I wonder where he was hiding his cash...
Because Sal Alosi has proven himself to be a total moron he was unanimously inducted as the fifteenth member of the MHOF so if you see Sal Alosi please let him know of his enshrinement and the honor of which that has been bestowed upon him.
This is your King wishing you a pleasant evening!!

Fine Print Moronica Spotted from the Royal Observatory

Well, your King went out to get today's mail from the old box. It had one thing in it and that was the regular monthly Valupak envelope of coupons for me to peruse. I got to the coupon for Palermo's Subs and Pizza shop and I just had to shake my head after reading through it's various offers. Among the offers they had a coupon for a large pizza with unlimited toppings for $9.99. As always these coupons have the dreaded fine print and the fine print for this one stated "additional toppings extra". I am trying to figure out what more I can put on the pizza besides the unlimited toppings. What additional toppings are there to include on the pizza after you have already told them to load it up with the unlimited toppings? Maybe I should call them and find out what the additional toppings are that need to be charged for when I ask for an unlimited topping pizza. Maybe it is the cheese and sauce that need to be added on to the charges. I can imagine the conversation going thusly...
"I would like to order the large pizza with unlimited toppings please for $9.99."
"Would you like everything on it?"
"You bet I would, you can't beat the price of $9.99 for a loaded pizza."
"Would you like sauce and cheese included on your pizza?"
"Most certainly!!"
"Your total will be $26.99 and you can pick it up in 30 minutes."
"$26.99???? What happened to $9.99????"
"That is the price when you include the sauce and the cheese. If you look at the coupon it says 'additional toppings extra'."
"Huh?? What??? Isn't that included already?"
"C'mon, what do you expect for $9.99?? On this pizza the sauce and the cheese are extra."
"Please cancel my order..goodbye."
Oh man. The fine print will get you every time.
It is now time for your King to watch the Sabres get their collective butts whipped. Have a pleasant evening.