Lately I have noticed something that has been bothering me quite a bit . Tonight I went shopping for a few items so I could make myself a nice spicy Chinese dinner. At one of my stops I noticed a fresh sourdough boule in the bread rack. Now Dinglefritz has a soft spot in his heart..I mean stomach for boule type breads, sourdough, and Neo Tuscan are my favorites. Tonight I just have to say something. In a short span of time the size of these loaves has shrunk by at least 1/3rd and the price has either remained the same or has gone up. This is moronica in epic proportions. Its one thing to slightly shrink the bloody thing but to shrink it so that it is so noticeable?? I know companies are hurting but to charge $3.59 for a piece of bread that is slightly larger than a softball is ludicrous.
I have also noticed other things shrinking as well. I always had my morning pop tart at work but even these silly things have shrunk. Everything seems to be shrinking, well except for my belly but that's for a later blog.
People work hard for their money and they deserve a fair shake. While I have not been out to eat to often lately I know there are some restaurants that still offer an honest value. Fratelli's in Lakeville is one. Even I could not finish my more than ample portions of delicious fish and pasta and I had to bring it home where it served me well again the next night. I have heard the fish fry at Martino's is a sight to behold and the size of a whale but now I am really digressing and getting very hungry.
If there is some way to raise a stink about the incredible shrinking food we should do it. It is moronic to spend the same amount of money or more to end up getting 2/3rds of what you used to enjoy. It seems food is shrinking faster than today's job market. I wish my gut would shrink as quickly.
PS: Did anyone see the disappointment in Channel 10's weatherman Kevin William's eyes when he was talking about the potential Nor'easter that may head up the coast on Tuesday? He said the models are now predicting it to be farther east and less of a factor in producing snow for us. He genuinely looked sad. But his eyes did perk up when he said they could be wrong. He is a peach.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Fifth Inductee into the Moronica Hall of Fame
I told you the inductions were going to be coming fast and furiously in the next few weeks, now if we only had a building to house their busts to honor them. Maybe someday but I digress. The newest inductee to the Moronica Hall of fame is better known as the Milli-Vanilli of the survival-outdoors TV show hosts. A couple of years ago his survival show appeared on the Discovery Channel and one of his claims he made in the opening credits was that he did not receive help from his camera crew, well that lid was blown off as we discovered that he has had plenty of help from his camera crew. His older shows have now been re-edited to note this and his newest shows acknowledge this fact. It has also been discovered that when we thought he was out braving the elements on a harsh night in the woods he was actually in a nice warm hotel room until morning. While I do not express doubt about his knowledge of survival, his show while entertaining, was shown to be a sham until the re-editing. This man is Bear Grylls.
Bear has a history by which he should be proud of, being in the British Special forces, climbing Mt. Everest and other feats but to try to pull the wool over our eyes in his show was highly moronic. At least now he admits that he has had help and in the Scotland episode he freely admits, and the more I think about it the more I believe it was edited in after its first showing, in the narration and I will try to briefly try to paraphrase him 'that while I will not be spending the night out here I will show you how to'. I can also survive quite nicely throwing a few sticks together knowing that I will be soon eating a nice hot meal in the local hotel.
There was no need for Bear to do this. If he was open right from the beginning I would have a lot more respect for him and still would have enjoyed his show just as much. Now when I watch his show it leaves me wondering and thinking funny comments to myself about his situation and that is a shame. Like when he is supposed to be eating some kind of snake, maybe the camera guy slips him a tasty flank steak to cook and he cuts it up to look like snake. Who knows.
Sorry Bear, but Les Stroud you are not. Les is out by himself for 7 days without a camera crew. Les has to lug 55 pounds of camera gear around wherever he goes, Bear does not. Bear has let me down and this fact sealed his induction into the MHOF. If you happen to see Bear, and last I knew he was in hospital after falling down and getting a boo boo to his shoulder in Antarctica, please let him know of this induction and the honor that has been bestowed upon him.
Bear has a history by which he should be proud of, being in the British Special forces, climbing Mt. Everest and other feats but to try to pull the wool over our eyes in his show was highly moronic. At least now he admits that he has had help and in the Scotland episode he freely admits, and the more I think about it the more I believe it was edited in after its first showing, in the narration and I will try to briefly try to paraphrase him 'that while I will not be spending the night out here I will show you how to'. I can also survive quite nicely throwing a few sticks together knowing that I will be soon eating a nice hot meal in the local hotel.
There was no need for Bear to do this. If he was open right from the beginning I would have a lot more respect for him and still would have enjoyed his show just as much. Now when I watch his show it leaves me wondering and thinking funny comments to myself about his situation and that is a shame. Like when he is supposed to be eating some kind of snake, maybe the camera guy slips him a tasty flank steak to cook and he cuts it up to look like snake. Who knows.
Sorry Bear, but Les Stroud you are not. Les is out by himself for 7 days without a camera crew. Les has to lug 55 pounds of camera gear around wherever he goes, Bear does not. Bear has let me down and this fact sealed his induction into the MHOF. If you happen to see Bear, and last I knew he was in hospital after falling down and getting a boo boo to his shoulder in Antarctica, please let him know of this induction and the honor that has been bestowed upon him.
Fourth inductee into the Moronica Hall of Fame
Yes he did it and by a 59-0 vote in the Illinois Senate, Governor Blagojevich, a democrat, is now Ex-Governor Blagojevich!!! As promised in a previous blog this man, also by a 59-0 vote, has now been inducted into the Moronica Hall of Fame! The MHOF is proud to make this announcement as this man has more than exceeded the standard by which inductees are judged.
Briefly going over a few of his credentials is the fact that he broke the law in the hiring of state workers, tried to sell Obama's senate seat to the highest bidder for which he was arrested for on December 9, 2008, having a horrible potty mouth, having a wife with a horrible potty mouth, and eventually embarrassing the national Democratic party by making an appointment to the senate, when he was advised it was in the state's and nation's interest that he not, thereby putting the newly elected president on the hot seat and making the governor's office in the state look like it was headed by a clown. Senator Burris seems like good man but he will forever tarnished by this debacle.
As I stated the Illinois senate voted 59-0 to impeach and remove him from office. I loved the quote by State Senator James Meeks after the fact using Blagojelingo "We have this thing called impeachment and its bleeping golden and we've used it in the right way". Perfect.
To try to say the all of the tape recordings of his BS were misinterpreted is highly moronic as it certainly seemed as though the seat was going to be sold to the highest 'bidder'. We all knew he said the the seat was #^$*($ valuable and he wasn't going to give it away. You cannot misinterpret that unless you are a fool.
Last I new this man had an approval rating of 13% in the state. That makes former president George Bush look like a beauty pageant winner when Mr. Bush's rating is compared to Blagojevich's. What is it about the Governor's office in the state of Illinois that make men turn into idiots?? The last governor is in the clink and I believe a few others have also enjoyed time in the Illinois 'Hilton'. Lets hope the newest entry into the office of Governor avoids the moronica legacy left by the previous few. Blagojevich has set a new level of moronica that will be hard pressed to beat by anybody in any state thereby clinching his induction into the MHOF. If you happen to see Ex-Governor Blagojevich please let him know of this induction and the honor that has been bestowed upon him.
Briefly going over a few of his credentials is the fact that he broke the law in the hiring of state workers, tried to sell Obama's senate seat to the highest bidder for which he was arrested for on December 9, 2008, having a horrible potty mouth, having a wife with a horrible potty mouth, and eventually embarrassing the national Democratic party by making an appointment to the senate, when he was advised it was in the state's and nation's interest that he not, thereby putting the newly elected president on the hot seat and making the governor's office in the state look like it was headed by a clown. Senator Burris seems like good man but he will forever tarnished by this debacle.
As I stated the Illinois senate voted 59-0 to impeach and remove him from office. I loved the quote by State Senator James Meeks after the fact using Blagojelingo "We have this thing called impeachment and its bleeping golden and we've used it in the right way". Perfect.
To try to say the all of the tape recordings of his BS were misinterpreted is highly moronic as it certainly seemed as though the seat was going to be sold to the highest 'bidder'. We all knew he said the the seat was #^$*($ valuable and he wasn't going to give it away. You cannot misinterpret that unless you are a fool.
Last I new this man had an approval rating of 13% in the state. That makes former president George Bush look like a beauty pageant winner when Mr. Bush's rating is compared to Blagojevich's. What is it about the Governor's office in the state of Illinois that make men turn into idiots?? The last governor is in the clink and I believe a few others have also enjoyed time in the Illinois 'Hilton'. Lets hope the newest entry into the office of Governor avoids the moronica legacy left by the previous few. Blagojevich has set a new level of moronica that will be hard pressed to beat by anybody in any state thereby clinching his induction into the MHOF. If you happen to see Ex-Governor Blagojevich please let him know of this induction and the honor that has been bestowed upon him.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Random Thoughts
1) Not too long ago I was scanning the channels and noticed 'Loony Toons' on the Cartoon Network. As I went by I lamented the to myself that they never show the good ones with Bugs and Daffy, just the crappy ones. Being a Loony Toons fan I long to discover if I could locate them to enjoy them again. One of my favorites was the one in which Bugs took on Pete Puma. I had not seen that one in, say, twenty years so I googled what I believed was enough info to see if I could find it. Lo and behold I found it along with a few of my other all time favorites on Youtube. I could not believe my luck. I now enjoy Bugs giving Pete his 'three or four' lumps at my leisure. Thank you Youtube!
2) When it comes to weather Rochester sucks eggs. During the winter it is always cloudy, cold, dreary, snowy and totally depressing. What makes matters worse is weatherman Kevin Williams. He actually enjoys this crap, the rest of us just tolerate it. He has a twinkle in his eye when he is able to tell us about a winter storm warning. I like Kevin as his forecasts, I believe, are the best in town, but I wish he would tone it down when it comes to his love of snow. Spring cannot come too soon.
3) I have had enough. It seems that the schools are turning our children into little peddlers to raise funds for whatever that latest thing they need funds for. I am sick of Niagara candy, entertainment books, magazines and whatever else they decide they want to try to have the kids pawn on us. What is even worse is that we will probably be seeing more of this crappola as the State is lowering aid for school districts leaving them to try to peddle more crap unto us.
My son brought home a bill from school not to long ago. It was for his yearbook. I nearly had a stroke. It is bad enough that they are charging $70 for a stinking yearbook now and then they have extra charges for the bloody thing too. Want autograph pages??? add another two bucks to that total. I think I paid $15 for mine and that even included my name embossed on the front of it...which would be another two dollar charge for today's yearbook. Ugh.
4) It is a shame Les Stroud has decided that season three of his series 'Survivorman" will be his last. I have enjoyed his survival adventures immensely since I discovered the show a few years ago. His show is much more honest than Bear Grylls "Man vs. Wild" as he does not have a camera crew helping him and he has to spend seven days alone out wherever they decide to stick his butt. I hope we see more of Les in other things on TV in the future.
5) David Paterson can take his extra taxes and fees and stick them where the sun does not shine. Our State's legislature, which has and continues to be dysfunctional and a joke, had better get off its duff and cut spending quickly. Last I checked there was not a commandment that stated "Thou shalt tax and spend". If he thinks his soda tax is going to fly, well, he is in for another headache. I'll start drinking more water and maybe get healthier just to piss him off. Living in New York is quickly becoming a pathetic joke. I was planning on staying here after I retire, but now, that probably will not be the case. I cannot imagine what the taxes and fees will be like then as they are ridiculous now.
**MORONICA FOR MORONS! UBER ALLES!!**
2) When it comes to weather Rochester sucks eggs. During the winter it is always cloudy, cold, dreary, snowy and totally depressing. What makes matters worse is weatherman Kevin Williams. He actually enjoys this crap, the rest of us just tolerate it. He has a twinkle in his eye when he is able to tell us about a winter storm warning. I like Kevin as his forecasts, I believe, are the best in town, but I wish he would tone it down when it comes to his love of snow. Spring cannot come too soon.
3) I have had enough. It seems that the schools are turning our children into little peddlers to raise funds for whatever that latest thing they need funds for. I am sick of Niagara candy, entertainment books, magazines and whatever else they decide they want to try to have the kids pawn on us. What is even worse is that we will probably be seeing more of this crappola as the State is lowering aid for school districts leaving them to try to peddle more crap unto us.
My son brought home a bill from school not to long ago. It was for his yearbook. I nearly had a stroke. It is bad enough that they are charging $70 for a stinking yearbook now and then they have extra charges for the bloody thing too. Want autograph pages??? add another two bucks to that total. I think I paid $15 for mine and that even included my name embossed on the front of it...which would be another two dollar charge for today's yearbook. Ugh.
4) It is a shame Les Stroud has decided that season three of his series 'Survivorman" will be his last. I have enjoyed his survival adventures immensely since I discovered the show a few years ago. His show is much more honest than Bear Grylls "Man vs. Wild" as he does not have a camera crew helping him and he has to spend seven days alone out wherever they decide to stick his butt. I hope we see more of Les in other things on TV in the future.
5) David Paterson can take his extra taxes and fees and stick them where the sun does not shine. Our State's legislature, which has and continues to be dysfunctional and a joke, had better get off its duff and cut spending quickly. Last I checked there was not a commandment that stated "Thou shalt tax and spend". If he thinks his soda tax is going to fly, well, he is in for another headache. I'll start drinking more water and maybe get healthier just to piss him off. Living in New York is quickly becoming a pathetic joke. I was planning on staying here after I retire, but now, that probably will not be the case. I cannot imagine what the taxes and fees will be like then as they are ridiculous now.
**MORONICA FOR MORONS! UBER ALLES!!**
Third member of the Moronica Hall of Fame
Membership into the MHOF will be fast and furious in the next few weeks with all of the potential candidates flouting their credentials. Governor Blagojevich will be inducted as soon as his last credential is met...his guaranteed impeachment but until then the newest member of the MHOF is not a person...it is a place.
Now Dinglefritz considers himself to be a very good bowler, in fact in my last season of ultra competitive scratch league bowling back in 2002-03, before I took a much needed break from the game, I averaged 226 in that league and set a league high with a 76% winning percentage. I also have had 4 league high average awards, a ton of 700 series, two 300 games and an 800 series, for which I received an Association Achievement Award for the high series in the Perry Bowling Association for that year from the ABC. I am very proud of these accomplishments and have learned to adapt myself to whatever lane conditions I face in order to be competitive. Some conditions are tougher than others but usually you can find something that works, either in terms of a line to the pocket or the use of certain equipment as in different types of balls. So I came out of retirement this year to chase my final goal... to complete my 'Grand Slam' I needed to bowl a 299 game... and the fact that my wife wanted me out of the house once in a while for my own good also helped me to unretire. I decided I did not want to bowl at a hall where I could close my eyes and shoot 700(e.g. Gates Bowl) but I wanted a little bit more of a challenge. With my tail firmly between my legs I now admit that I have more than met my match. Walking into the newest MHOF member's building is like walking into the Time Tunnel and going back to the 1970s. The lanes have more divots than a hackers golf course, the lane oiling machine is a relic from the turn of the century and I do not mean the year 2000. The machines break down more than my wife's willpower to not spend at the mall and the lane machine maintenance guy would rather be in the bar or staring at the girls than down with the machines. The place that has earned membership into the MHOF is Spencerport Lanes in Spencerport, NY.
Now, there are a lot of good points about the place but the overall aspect has earned it the unqualifying honor of this induction. The person that runs the place is a great guy and I feel for him because he gets hardly any help from other members of his family, the league I bowl on is filled with good people, the place has great wings and pizza and the scoring machines actually can keep score.
But the good points are overshadowed by the moronic points. The lane conditioning(oiling) machine is supposed to put out what is called the house pattern for leagues. This pattern is normally a very scorable pattern in order to keep the league bowlers happy but the oiling machine itself could have been inducted into the MHOF as it runs up and down the lane but leaves the lane dryer than the Gobi Desert. I am an experienced enough bowler to know how to adjust to lanes as they are breaking down(as in the surface oil pattern after use) but this machine does not have the ability to put out a good shot and should be retired to the nearest museum. To have to make an adjustment every other frame is incredible. I have bowled in places where maybe I make one or two moves a night to stay with the shot but not here. Even my plastic ball that should go straight hooks like a banshee. I have to use it by the third game for my first shot as the lane conditions have degraded so much to render my good ball unusable. I have even tried to flatten my wrist at the point of release and the ball still hooks. uff! My son, who does not have the slightest clue as to how to bowl, warned me that the shot sucked...He was right.
Now for the machines...Alley 14 is a classic. Every other frame the 5 pin decides it does not want to show up in a full rack... Alley 15 likes to eat balls...alley 13 will not pick up a 2 pin if it is left by itself after the first shot and so on and so forth.
The heating bill can't be high because the only place it is warm is in the pizza oven. When we are on 15-16 we hope they break down so we can move to 7-8 and be nearer to the oven...and the exit.
The lanes themselves are old and unfortunately past the point of resurfacing. They need to be replaced but in this day and age that can not and will not happen as league bowling has lost its luster and thats a shame. It sucks when you want to be there because of all of the good points but the moronic points just overwhelm them. It would probably take over a $500,000 investment to eliminate most of the moronica but the income potential is just not there to justify such an investment. I have worked in a bowling alley so I know what needs to be done and approximately the costs involved so I am not talking out of my arse on this point. As I say you can bring a dead horse the best food and water but its still dead and will stay that way.
The overall moronica of the place, and it really hurts me to admit this, has earned Spencerport Lanes enshrinement into the MHOF as its third member. If you see the owner please let him know of the honor that has been bestowed upon his establishment.
Now Dinglefritz considers himself to be a very good bowler, in fact in my last season of ultra competitive scratch league bowling back in 2002-03, before I took a much needed break from the game, I averaged 226 in that league and set a league high with a 76% winning percentage. I also have had 4 league high average awards, a ton of 700 series, two 300 games and an 800 series, for which I received an Association Achievement Award for the high series in the Perry Bowling Association for that year from the ABC. I am very proud of these accomplishments and have learned to adapt myself to whatever lane conditions I face in order to be competitive. Some conditions are tougher than others but usually you can find something that works, either in terms of a line to the pocket or the use of certain equipment as in different types of balls. So I came out of retirement this year to chase my final goal... to complete my 'Grand Slam' I needed to bowl a 299 game... and the fact that my wife wanted me out of the house once in a while for my own good also helped me to unretire. I decided I did not want to bowl at a hall where I could close my eyes and shoot 700(e.g. Gates Bowl) but I wanted a little bit more of a challenge. With my tail firmly between my legs I now admit that I have more than met my match. Walking into the newest MHOF member's building is like walking into the Time Tunnel and going back to the 1970s. The lanes have more divots than a hackers golf course, the lane oiling machine is a relic from the turn of the century and I do not mean the year 2000. The machines break down more than my wife's willpower to not spend at the mall and the lane machine maintenance guy would rather be in the bar or staring at the girls than down with the machines. The place that has earned membership into the MHOF is Spencerport Lanes in Spencerport, NY.
Now, there are a lot of good points about the place but the overall aspect has earned it the unqualifying honor of this induction. The person that runs the place is a great guy and I feel for him because he gets hardly any help from other members of his family, the league I bowl on is filled with good people, the place has great wings and pizza and the scoring machines actually can keep score.
But the good points are overshadowed by the moronic points. The lane conditioning(oiling) machine is supposed to put out what is called the house pattern for leagues. This pattern is normally a very scorable pattern in order to keep the league bowlers happy but the oiling machine itself could have been inducted into the MHOF as it runs up and down the lane but leaves the lane dryer than the Gobi Desert. I am an experienced enough bowler to know how to adjust to lanes as they are breaking down(as in the surface oil pattern after use) but this machine does not have the ability to put out a good shot and should be retired to the nearest museum. To have to make an adjustment every other frame is incredible. I have bowled in places where maybe I make one or two moves a night to stay with the shot but not here. Even my plastic ball that should go straight hooks like a banshee. I have to use it by the third game for my first shot as the lane conditions have degraded so much to render my good ball unusable. I have even tried to flatten my wrist at the point of release and the ball still hooks. uff! My son, who does not have the slightest clue as to how to bowl, warned me that the shot sucked...He was right.
Now for the machines...Alley 14 is a classic. Every other frame the 5 pin decides it does not want to show up in a full rack... Alley 15 likes to eat balls...alley 13 will not pick up a 2 pin if it is left by itself after the first shot and so on and so forth.
The heating bill can't be high because the only place it is warm is in the pizza oven. When we are on 15-16 we hope they break down so we can move to 7-8 and be nearer to the oven...and the exit.
The lanes themselves are old and unfortunately past the point of resurfacing. They need to be replaced but in this day and age that can not and will not happen as league bowling has lost its luster and thats a shame. It sucks when you want to be there because of all of the good points but the moronic points just overwhelm them. It would probably take over a $500,000 investment to eliminate most of the moronica but the income potential is just not there to justify such an investment. I have worked in a bowling alley so I know what needs to be done and approximately the costs involved so I am not talking out of my arse on this point. As I say you can bring a dead horse the best food and water but its still dead and will stay that way.
The overall moronica of the place, and it really hurts me to admit this, has earned Spencerport Lanes enshrinement into the MHOF as its third member. If you see the owner please let him know of the honor that has been bestowed upon his establishment.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Cardinals??? In the Super Bowl?????? And other not so random sports thoughts
I find it very funny that one of the worst teams in the NFL for the last five or so weeks of the regular season has made it to the Super Bowl. As the King of the Moronica and all things moronic I have always rooted for the underdogs to succeed when they had a chance to. Ever since I was a little snot nosed kid I liked the Bills, Saints and most any other team that sucked eggs for what seemed to be an eternity and this includes the ever so rotten Arizona Cardinals. I even root for the Columbus Blue Jackets in hockey as they seem to be requesting eternal citizenship in Moronica. I must be a glutton for punishment as I detest the teams that constantly win and flaunt it like the Patriots, Cowboys, Yankees, Lakers and, of course, this years AFC super bowl entry the Pittsburgh Steelers. I could not stand Bradshaw, Harris, Swann and the 'Steel Curtain" from their teams of the seventies, though Joe Greene did move up a few spots in my heart with his famous Coca Cola commercial. I chuckled when Jim Haslett stepped on Bradshaw's head, though he did get ejected for it, and I enjoyed it even more when they showed it in slow motion. I even bought Jim and his pals a pitcher of beer when I ran into him at the Hummers Inn after a Sabre game, though I did not tell him it was in honor of his famous stomp.
There are some teams that I cannot stand due to their geographical location. Any team based in New York City(and that includes any NYC team that plays in NJ) runs afoul in the land of Moronica. The Yankees stink, the Mets blow, the Rangers suck ice and so on. Also, any team based in New England sucks eggs too. The Patriots stink, The Bruins stank and the Celtics stunk(with apologies to the Grinch).
There are some teams that I cannot stand due to the sport in which they play...as in Baseball. Whenever I am tired and need a quick nap I check the channels and see if there is a baseball game on. If so, I turn it on and in five minutes or less I am in the Land of Nod. Baseball players are the greediest sacks of garbage this side of the planet Mars. The money they get for playing this stupid game equates to the crime of the century. I applaud the fact that the greediest of all, Manny Ramirez, has not been signed yet(his agent, Scott Boras, is a candidate for induction into the Moronica Hall of Fame). I guess even the moronic baseball general managers sometimes have a sense of what is right. Maybe there should be a rule in this country where no pro athlete can make more than the President of the United States. NO athlete, especially a baseball player, should be paid more than the president and it does not matter who is in office. I can sort of live with the fact that football and hockey players may be allowed an exception to this rule due to the punishing nature of their sports. Where is the punishment in baseball? Its pitch and catch and once in a while some idiot gets a stick on the ball. The only modern baseball player worth his salt was Cal Ripken as he never begged off saying "I'm so 'tired'..I need a day off" ala Manny Ramirez. What if other people in areas of importance shared that view of their jobs. I can see it now...'Mr. President...The Canadians have just invaded Montana you need to do something now'...."Sorry, but today I am tired today and I am taking the day off so go talk to the Vice President.' I could write a paragraph or two about basketball, ugh, but my finger is getting tired.
I have a lot of respect for hockey players, Sean Avery excluded, as it takes a lot of balls to play a game in which every player has a 'Ginsu knife' on the bottom of each foot. I am amazed there are not more serious injuries from skate cuts due to the speed in which they have to play at in this game. Getting conked on the noggin from sticks is far less of a factor since they finally adopted the helmet rule years ago. I still am amazed that goalies actually played without masks for so long. Now they have a rule that if the mask comes off the goalie during play they whistle the play dead immediately...Gump Worsley must be rolling in his grave over this rule but it is a good rule.
In conclusion, the Kingdom of Moronica fully backs the Cardinals as they strive to prove they they are the best team in the league. They management of the team have been honorary members of the Kingdom of Moronica for so long that its puts tears in the old King's eyes to see them playing for the championship. Lets hope they bring the Lombardi Trophy back to Moronica where it belongs.
There are some teams that I cannot stand due to their geographical location. Any team based in New York City(and that includes any NYC team that plays in NJ) runs afoul in the land of Moronica. The Yankees stink, the Mets blow, the Rangers suck ice and so on. Also, any team based in New England sucks eggs too. The Patriots stink, The Bruins stank and the Celtics stunk(with apologies to the Grinch).
There are some teams that I cannot stand due to the sport in which they play...as in Baseball. Whenever I am tired and need a quick nap I check the channels and see if there is a baseball game on. If so, I turn it on and in five minutes or less I am in the Land of Nod. Baseball players are the greediest sacks of garbage this side of the planet Mars. The money they get for playing this stupid game equates to the crime of the century. I applaud the fact that the greediest of all, Manny Ramirez, has not been signed yet(his agent, Scott Boras, is a candidate for induction into the Moronica Hall of Fame). I guess even the moronic baseball general managers sometimes have a sense of what is right. Maybe there should be a rule in this country where no pro athlete can make more than the President of the United States. NO athlete, especially a baseball player, should be paid more than the president and it does not matter who is in office. I can sort of live with the fact that football and hockey players may be allowed an exception to this rule due to the punishing nature of their sports. Where is the punishment in baseball? Its pitch and catch and once in a while some idiot gets a stick on the ball. The only modern baseball player worth his salt was Cal Ripken as he never begged off saying "I'm so 'tired'..I need a day off" ala Manny Ramirez. What if other people in areas of importance shared that view of their jobs. I can see it now...'Mr. President...The Canadians have just invaded Montana you need to do something now'...."Sorry, but today I am tired today and I am taking the day off so go talk to the Vice President.' I could write a paragraph or two about basketball, ugh, but my finger is getting tired.
I have a lot of respect for hockey players, Sean Avery excluded, as it takes a lot of balls to play a game in which every player has a 'Ginsu knife' on the bottom of each foot. I am amazed there are not more serious injuries from skate cuts due to the speed in which they have to play at in this game. Getting conked on the noggin from sticks is far less of a factor since they finally adopted the helmet rule years ago. I still am amazed that goalies actually played without masks for so long. Now they have a rule that if the mask comes off the goalie during play they whistle the play dead immediately...Gump Worsley must be rolling in his grave over this rule but it is a good rule.
In conclusion, the Kingdom of Moronica fully backs the Cardinals as they strive to prove they they are the best team in the league. They management of the team have been honorary members of the Kingdom of Moronica for so long that its puts tears in the old King's eyes to see them playing for the championship. Lets hope they bring the Lombardi Trophy back to Moronica where it belongs.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Near death experience
The world nearly lost Dinglefritz a couple of weeks ago. It would have been a tragedy of epic proportions. Let me recount what happened....It all began a few years ago when my wife and I were at a restaurant and I ordered a ham and cheese omelet to eat. I asked my wife if she knew how to make one and she said yes. I then asked her if she could make me a ham and cheese omelet at home for me sometime and she said she would be more than happy to make me one. I was a happy man.
Whenever I go to Denny's I always order their Ham and Cheese Omelets as they are light, fluffy and very tasty. I saw the opportunity to captilize on my wife's "knowledge" about omelets after we had a delicious ham for Christmas dinner. I did not want any crappola ham in my omelet and since we had tasty leftovers my wife volunteered to make me an omelet using them. At the time I believed I was going to be in seventh heaven after breakfast, not being sent to heaven but let us continue.
I had just finished watching one of the Travel Channels food shows 'Best places to pig out' which featured a twelve egg omlete from a Seattle restaurant called Beth's Cafe and seeing the light, pure yellow, delicious looking but absolutely gigantic omelet it got my taste bud juices flowing for the coming treat. I should have gotten my first warning when I heard my wife comment while she was making it that she botched the flip. It'll be ok I thought, just a minor error, a quick fix and no problem to derail my taste train to heaven, little did I know that the tressel had collapsed.
Soon, my wife said she was done but the result was not quite what she had expected...that should have been warning number two. I stepped into the kitchen and prepared myself to eat the expected taste treat. "How can an omelet be destroyed" I thought to myself, It would be impossible. Then I saw it.....Instead of being yellow, light and fluffy it was ugly, ornery and looked like a pancake that had been left on the griddle way too long and folded in half. Unfortunately I had to do my duty, I sucked up every ounce of pride and guts I could muster and I ate it to please my wife. I tried to keep the derisive comments about it to a minimum to make my wife happy but even she could see the terror in my eyes. I spent the rest of the day on the couch battling my rolling stomach. How I made it through the day I will never know. Today, while lying in bed I heard my son say that she should make me an omelet for breakfast and as soon as I heard that I screamed NOOOOOOOOOOO from my bedroom and hid under the blanket. Lesson learned.... be careful in what you ask for....you may get it.
Whenever I go to Denny's I always order their Ham and Cheese Omelets as they are light, fluffy and very tasty. I saw the opportunity to captilize on my wife's "knowledge" about omelets after we had a delicious ham for Christmas dinner. I did not want any crappola ham in my omelet and since we had tasty leftovers my wife volunteered to make me an omelet using them. At the time I believed I was going to be in seventh heaven after breakfast, not being sent to heaven but let us continue.
I had just finished watching one of the Travel Channels food shows 'Best places to pig out' which featured a twelve egg omlete from a Seattle restaurant called Beth's Cafe and seeing the light, pure yellow, delicious looking but absolutely gigantic omelet it got my taste bud juices flowing for the coming treat. I should have gotten my first warning when I heard my wife comment while she was making it that she botched the flip. It'll be ok I thought, just a minor error, a quick fix and no problem to derail my taste train to heaven, little did I know that the tressel had collapsed.
Soon, my wife said she was done but the result was not quite what she had expected...that should have been warning number two. I stepped into the kitchen and prepared myself to eat the expected taste treat. "How can an omelet be destroyed" I thought to myself, It would be impossible. Then I saw it.....Instead of being yellow, light and fluffy it was ugly, ornery and looked like a pancake that had been left on the griddle way too long and folded in half. Unfortunately I had to do my duty, I sucked up every ounce of pride and guts I could muster and I ate it to please my wife. I tried to keep the derisive comments about it to a minimum to make my wife happy but even she could see the terror in my eyes. I spent the rest of the day on the couch battling my rolling stomach. How I made it through the day I will never know. Today, while lying in bed I heard my son say that she should make me an omelet for breakfast and as soon as I heard that I screamed NOOOOOOOOOOO from my bedroom and hid under the blanket. Lesson learned.... be careful in what you ask for....you may get it.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Do they feed their hockey players in Ottawa?
I was mildy amused to see the video of Ottawa Senator Jarko Ruutu snacking on the thumb of Buffalo Sabre Jason Peters. First of all was Peters' reaction as Ruutu chomped down on it. Now we all know that the average hockey player has as many teeth in their mouth as Popeye the Sailorman has so it surprised me that it bothered Peters at all. It was funny to see him skating around shaking his hand and looking at his thumb and then showing it to the referee like a little kid would show a boo boo to his mother. What really gets me is that Peters was the only player to get a penalty during that altercation, maybe it was for unsportsmanlike conduct for acting like his hand was shot. I checked the rule book and I did not see any penalties listed for gumming an opponent so, of course since he was not a Sabre, Mr. Ruutu got off scott free.
Now, if he was that hungry it leads me to ask the question "do they feed their players in Ottawa?" I do not know what the NHL players contract has in it for teams to feed, or provide money to feed, their players but it was obvious that Mr. Ruutu needed a snack. He saw Peter's thumb as a tasty morsel(pig) wrapped in a blanket(his glove) and took the opportunity to have a bite when he had the chance. Personally, I would have passed up that type of snack. The last thing I would want in my mouth is another hockey players piece of equipment. Playing soccer in college I had the occasion to share my locker room area with the hockey teams overflow players. The smell of the equipment was something to behold and cannot be described in this column using acceptable language.
Buffalo has a lot of nice places for a team to go for a pregame meal. After all it is the home of Chicken Wings(which, come to think of it a wing is about the size of Peter's thumb). Could the team's manager not find a place to take them? OR were they being really cheap??
Dinglefritz had a chance to interview Mr. Ruutu on the phone the other day in regards to his illfated snacking but I cannot transcribe any of that conversation because Mr. Ruutu made Caroline Kennedy sound like Daniel Patrick Moynihan. After the third 'you know' in the first sentence I had to hang up the phone.
The NHL did take action and suspended Mr. Ruutu 2 games for being unsanitary in his choice of foodstuffs. Lets hope the next time Ottawa visits they take the time to feed their players so they do not try to feed on ours.
Now, if he was that hungry it leads me to ask the question "do they feed their players in Ottawa?" I do not know what the NHL players contract has in it for teams to feed, or provide money to feed, their players but it was obvious that Mr. Ruutu needed a snack. He saw Peter's thumb as a tasty morsel(pig) wrapped in a blanket(his glove) and took the opportunity to have a bite when he had the chance. Personally, I would have passed up that type of snack. The last thing I would want in my mouth is another hockey players piece of equipment. Playing soccer in college I had the occasion to share my locker room area with the hockey teams overflow players. The smell of the equipment was something to behold and cannot be described in this column using acceptable language.
Buffalo has a lot of nice places for a team to go for a pregame meal. After all it is the home of Chicken Wings(which, come to think of it a wing is about the size of Peter's thumb). Could the team's manager not find a place to take them? OR were they being really cheap??
Dinglefritz had a chance to interview Mr. Ruutu on the phone the other day in regards to his illfated snacking but I cannot transcribe any of that conversation because Mr. Ruutu made Caroline Kennedy sound like Daniel Patrick Moynihan. After the third 'you know' in the first sentence I had to hang up the phone.
The NHL did take action and suspended Mr. Ruutu 2 games for being unsanitary in his choice of foodstuffs. Lets hope the next time Ottawa visits they take the time to feed their players so they do not try to feed on ours.
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