When last I spoke with Santa he was going to Washington D.C. to try to see President Obama about obtaining stimulus funds to keep his workshop fully employed. Well, I finally got a chance to speak with him and the poor guy went through one hell of an ordeal. Please refer back to the news article excerpt I posted on 9/15/09 for additional information in regards to this ordeal. The funny thing is that I had to call him on his cell phone as he is not at his workshop. He is home but under medical care at this time but should be back to work soon, we hope. Here is that conversation.
"Hello?"
"Hi Santa this is your friend Dinglefritz, I have had a hell of a time trying to get a hold of you but at last I finally have."
"Well hi there Dingle! Its good to hear a friendly voice again. My wife finally gave me my cell phone back after the Doctor said it was okay."
"Doctor? I assume this has something to do with your visit to Washington to see President Obama and what happened. It did make all of the newspapers."
"Oh, I will tell you Dingle that I never want to go through that again. Some people do not respect their elders. It was the ordeal from hell"
"The paper said that the Secret Service agents had to taser you five times.."
"They said only five times???? I was just sitting there waiting and they zapped me at least fifteen times, maybe more as I may have briefly passed out. When I regained my senses there were at least ten goons on top of me beating the ever living crap out of me. Now look at me Dingle, I am old and fat, I was no threat to anybody. All I wanted to do was to speak with the President."
"Didn't you try to make an appointment?"
"Yes but they laughed at me and hung up when I told them who I was and what I wanted to see him about."
"They also said that they took you to Bellevue Hospital for observation and treatment."
"They said that, huh? Well, If I went to Bellevue I am the Easter Bunny. I went to some place, I do not know where as I was blindfolded, and spent fifteen days undergoing the worst imaginable torture.'
"Why did you not use your famed abilities to get away?"
"I was under constant guard and chained to the wall. And the few times they unchained me they took me to this room where they put me on some kind of see-saw type board and dunked me repeatedly in water and they then kept asking me questions about some guy named Bin Laden when I surfaced. I kept telling them who I was but they kept on dunking me. Then they took me to another room where they attached electrodes to places that I cannot imagine anyone would ever attach electrodes to. Oh Dingle, It is an experience I would not wish on the Miser Brothers."
"But you finally did get away."
"On the fifteenth day they finally relaxed their guard and left me unchained and I was able to get out. I then spent the next three months at a rest home in France recovering from my ordeal and then the Doctors there allowed me to come home for further rest and treatment. Only now has my personal Doctor lightened the rules and allowed me to have my cell phone back and hopefully by the end of April I can start spending some time at the workshop, only an hour or so at a time, but I have Hermy running it in my absence and he does a good job as he runs it when I take my yearly trip to the Bahamas after I make my worldwide delivery on Christmas. I am still a nervous wreck but I am getting better."
"I just cannot believe what happened to you Santa could happen here in the USA. How can they even think that you may have been associated with Bin Laden?"
"I do not know but there are people in the US Government that will not be getting any visits from me on Christmas anymore. They are on my permanent bad list. Well, Dingle, the wife just walked in the room and she is letting me know it is time for me to get some more rest. And she can be more of a pain than the Doctor is. I have to go now and please give me a call later this summer when I should be somewhat back to normal. Jessica, Jessica, at least let me say.....click"
Well, though I did not have a chance to say goodbye, it was good hearing his voice again. Hopefully by December he will again be that jolly old man that we have come to know and love. At least we have all learned a valuable lesson, never try to see the President without an appointment.
This is your King wishing you a pleasant day from the Kingdom of Moronica.
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