Happy Halloween from Moronica

1) The Palace had 99 visitors seeking treats tonight. seven more than last year but, I just wanted that one more to crack 100. Oh well, maybe next year.
2) I caught part of the Montreal vs. Toronto hockey game tonight on the Hockey Channel. In this game Montreal was wearing one of their throwback uniforms. This uniform has to be one of the most godawful things ever designed. It looked like Toronto was playing the Montreal Correctional Facility inmate team. It is even worse than the Sabre's Banana Slug design and that is saying a lot.
3) The Palace set a record today in political mailings. I received nine of the bloody things. I normally hate them but the one I liked the most said probably the most truthful thing that a political mailing has said..That Sue Swanton supports cuts to our Police Dept. Electing her will be a big error. And once again, in another mailing, our hero Steve Tucciarello managed to pass a law limiting spending increases. Sounds like he is a one man show on the County Council. Another one said that Frank Muscato was guilty...I never knew he went to trial. Another one had Bob Duffy supporting Frank...This is Gates and I could care less who Bob Duffy supports. Stick to the city Bob where I think you probably have enough headaches of your own. Another one said that Mark McIntee, Sue Swanton and Donald Hunter have a plan. The last time someone had a plan was in the movie 'Tremors' and Fred Ward had a plan..or was it Kevin Bacon, well whoever it was at least they had a plan. So if Gates ever has big worm creatures attacking it I will definitely vote for the democrats, but until then, I do not think so.
4) I am in the middle of the last big leaf raking job of the season. I would have finished it today but it was too bloody windy but I did use the wind to my advantage for once by raking with it. It was easier but there was no way that I could have laid a tarp down as I would have been chasing it all across Gates. I am not in shape for that. The trees are now bare enough so that I can go on the roof and clean out the gutters for the winter. Boy it sure would be nice if I had a royal gutter cleaner but I am a cheap bastard and will do it myself. So, if you see a big dummy on a roof in Gates with a big hump on his back it will probably be me wearing my royal parachute.
5) Your King had his visit to the Royal Gastroenterologist on Friday and came out of the exam with a perfect colon. It was probably the easiest thing you can ever do..except for the day before when you cannot eat and you have to drink that special witch's brew to clean out your system. The last time my colon was this clean was fifty one years ago when I popped out. At least now I get a pass for ten more years before the next one. What a joy it was when the Queen had a Palermo's sub waiting for me when I got home. I think I set a time record in eating it as it was gone in a heartbeat. It needed more mayo which drives me nuts. I always ask for extra mayo and wherever I get a sub they never put enough extra on. Is there a mayo shortage that I am unaware of? Are we rationing mayo? If someone asks for extra mayo why can't they give extra mayo? DiRosatos is famous for skimping on the mayo. Their subs would be excellent if they put enough mayo on them but Palermos would still beat them. Give me my mayo! Boy did I do one hell of a segway on this one. Its probably the first time in blog history that someone wrote about having a clean colon and wanting extra mayo in the same paragraph.
6) Well, your King has remembered to set his clocks back tonight so that is why you are getting this extra special late blog tonight. I hope you all remembered to set yours back. Nothing like spending that extra hour in bed.
Speaking of bed, your King has now run out of garbage to write so I am wishing all of you a pleasant night and a happy Halloween...BOOOOOO!

Your King Supports the Gates Police

Being in the Kingdom of Moronica, which lies within the boundary of the Town of Gates, I have had a chance for the last eight plus years of observing the various ideas and stances of the two political parties within this town. It seems to me to come down to a basic choice for Gates residents. Either keeping our Police force intact or getting a new Library. The GOP is in favor of keeping the local Police but the Democrats, while they will not come out and say it directly, would like to reduce or disband the Police Dept. leaving more money for Sue "Pelosi" Swanton's dream of a brand new library for Gates. While I am not against a library the Kingdom of Moronica believes it would be a huge error to allow the Democrats to get control of the town. I do not want 'Metro Police'. I do not want a fifteen to twenty minute wait for an officer to show up, if the officer does show up depending on the type of call. While Mark McIntee will NOT come out and say this directly but electing him supervisor will mean the eventual destruction of the Gates Police Dept. His idea of getting money from the County is a bunch of hooey and anyone with a brain will see right through it.
The Kingdom has had a few, how can I say it, opportunities to have the police come for some reason or another, the Queen's car has been entered twice, and they have always been prompt and courteous. Our local police have always had a special relationship between the residents of Gates and themselves, a relationship that we would lose with metro police.
Sue Swanton wants to spend ten million dollars for a new library. Where will this money come from? I would like this question answered truthfully. It would probably come from making cuts in departments and services and everyone knows that she is totally for the dismantling of our police Dept. and going metro.
The Democrats complain about the tax rate, which is moronic when you look at the amount that we are really taxed. Our tax levy is the lowest for any town with a police dept. Do we really want to save a few bucks by cutting out a vital service? Well, I believe that the tax rate probably will not go down as we will be paying off the new library. In my eight plus years living in this town I have to say that for the money we pay in taxes we get the biggest bang for our buck around. Mark Assini will continue to provide excellent leadership to continue this. Mark McIntee will not. I have said before that I have voted for Mark for the Town Board but I will not vote for him for supervisor because of what I feel is the unspoken objective of the Democratic party in this town....The elimination of the Gates Police Dept.
Your King requests that you think deeply before casting your vote this Tuesday in the Gates Town elections. The vote you cast may decide whether or not we keep our fine Police Dept. intact. Your King supports the Gates GOP and Steve Tucciarello in the upcoming election and will probably vote democrat for the rest of the offices in contention. Remember, think before you pull that lever as your vote will count!
Good night from your King.

King vs. Leaves and Other Moronic Things

1) Well yesterday was the nightmare that I thought it was going to be. Mother nature threw her best shot at your King and left him very weak in the knees. I raked my back yard and nearly died doing it. I could not believe the number of piles I had to drag out on the tarp to the road. I believe I ended up with fourteen tarp fulls. The previous record was, maybe, nine. Plus, to make matters worse, they were wet from the rain that fell on Friday. Ugh. This leads to #2.
2) Prince Spoiled Brat showed up during my raking looking rather ugly. Your King asked him to help out with the raking and the look I got, man, he looked at me like I had a bad case of the swine flu. He said no and went on in. Now, compounding the crime I had a fish dinner left over in the fridge that I was looking forward to eating after I finished raking. Prince Brat took care of that as I went to the fridge, after four hours of very hard work a very hungry King and found all that was left of my fish dinner was the Cole slaw. The fries and the fish vanished. Prince Spoiled Brat made short work of them. THEN he has the audacity to ask me for five dollars for him to go out with for the night. Now, if he had helped me it would have been no problem but between his lack of help AND devouring my fish dinner, well the answer to his request was a no brainer---ask your mother for it, this bank is closed for the day. The absolute nerve of the Prince.
3) Your King fibbed when he said that he put his clubs away for the year. I went out and played today and actually walked the course. Maybe I should have put them away for the year as I played probably the worst round of the year. My arms were dead from the massive raking from yesterday but I still managed to have fun which is what it is all about. I hit a couple of very nice shots and that was about it. My shot from behind a tree on eight would have made Sergio proud but I did not have the strength to run down the fairway to watch it like he did. That was definitely my last round until spring. I wished my buddies a great winter and told them I was looking forward to Spring. Hopefully next year I will play better as I really did not play much good golf this year. I did have one major problem though. I was squeezing the old butt cheeks for the last two holes as I felt my intestines rumbling and grumbling. I knew I was in big time trouble but I knew that there was a bathroom behind the eighteenth hole so I quickly putted out and ran to the toilet...just my luck it was closed for the season. So I squeezed harder walking down eighteen and made a mad dash for the restroom after completing my round. Not to be disgusting but your King did leave the room uninhabitable.
4) In one of the political mailings I received yesterday I read something that I have to remark about. It said that 'Steve Tucciarello will deliver NO property tax increase in the 2010 County Budget'. Man that guy must have some stroke in the County Council in order to personally do this himself. I wonder what Maggie and the rest of the council were doing at the time Steve did this. Anyone capable of doing this himself has my vote. It reminds me of Albania's leader Enver Hoxha standing up to Nikita Kruschev during one meeting way back when. But we all knew that ol' Enver had no stroke when it came to dealing with the ol' USSR.
5) I cannot bring myself to spend a whole blog on this subject today so here goes. The Bills won. The defense played very well and Free Safety Jairus Byrd looks like a great draft pick for the Bills. He has five interceptions already and its not even halfway into his rookie year. The Bills have nine picks in the last two games and that is impressive. BUT the offensive continues to be very stinky. They did very well to convert turnovers into points but really did not have any great drives. Fitzpatrick was very ordinary but that was still better than the usual Trent Edwards show. The pass to Evans for the touchdown was a rifle job. It was impossible for Lee Evans to drop that ball as it was lodged deeply into his navel. The running game has been abysmal since the return of Marshawn Lynch. The Bills ran it much better without him and it seems that Mr. Mind needs to play Fred Jackson more. Still, it was nice to see Mr. Mind actually moving and breathing on the sidelines for a change. But then again, as we get closer to Halloween, zombies do come to life at this time of year. The countdown now stands at tee minus nine games and counting until Mr. Mind gets launched. The last two games notwithstanding.
Well, its time to go watch the last game of the night. Your King has had a busy weekend and it is time to relax. Good night.

More Idle Moronica from the Palace

1) Its almost the end of October and neither Mark McIntee or Mark Assini has visited the Kingdom of Moronica in their bids to become Gates Town Supervisor. In what figures to be a close election in Gates this year the Moronican vote could be the key swing votes. Its always good to gain the support of the Moronican Royal Family.
2) I was channel surfing tonight out of boredom again, as the Queen is out at a hayride with one of her good friends, and I happened to stop at Headline News with Nancy Grace. They should rename it 'Missing White Woman News'. Every time I watch it they are having some kind of a 'breaking news' story about a missing white woman. Now don't get me wrong as I feel bad for the families but don't black women go missing now and then? Chinese American women? Indian American women, et al?
3) I dread tomorrow as every time I look out my kitchen window at my back yard I cringe. In all my time in residence here at the Palace I have never seen such a dumping of leaves in the span of one week before. As of Sunday there was hardly a leaf on the ground but now there is not a blade of grass to be seen and I thank my lucky stars that I live here in Gates. I thank Ralph Esposito for keeping the weekly leaf pickup because if the town only picked up once or twice during leaf season I wouldn't know where I would put all of the leaves as the front of my yard, along the road, fills up quickly even during the light leaf dumpings. I just cannot imagine how my shoulders will feel after tomorrow's effort, weather permitting.
4) The Buffalo Sabres are 5-1-0-1 so far this season and they are playing rather well. They are playing good defense and are starting to put the puck in the net more regularly than they did at the start of the season. Of note at this time they have only one regulation loss so far this year. Your King has been to only one game this year. Guess which game your King attended.......... Congratulations, you are right.
5) Its getting cold now so your King has decided to pack up the golf clubs for the season, unless there is an absolutely knockout day that I cannot resist the call of the Titleist. What stinks is that now that I have a club that I know I can clear that stupid pond on hole number ten at Brook Lea my ticket there has decided to pack in his membership. Now what is more important, keeping your membership at Brook Lea or saving for your kid's education. To me its a no brainer.
6) Trent Edwards is out of Sunday's game versus Carolina, thank god. We may actually now see Lee Evans and Terrell Owens play this week. The two of them have been expensive window dressing in Buffalo's fine offensive showings so far this year. Too bad Carolina's strength is Buffalo's major weakness so this game should be a rather quickly played affair as I expect Carolina to try to run it down Buffalo's throat. That should not be too difficult as Mr. Mind probably has the Bill's defense prepping for Jake Delhomme's "superb" passing game.
7) I must really miss my Queen more than I realize as I am spending my Friday night doing this stupid blog, twice in fact. Boredom reigns in Moronica this evening so much that I even did a political blog tonight, which I abhor unless a point needs to be made. Even the Royal Mutt is sitting quietly and not bothering me for a change but that is because there is nothing good on the telly. If I was really interested in something she would be driving me nuts wanting to play. Speaking of the Royal Mutt it goes without saying that she is a good judge of character. She loves just about everybody except for Prince Spoiled Brat's friends. She knows slugs when she sees them.
8) Now that your King has reached the golden age of fifty I get to see the Royal Gastro-Intestinal specialist soon to have my lower pipes checked out. Boy, am I looking FORWARD to that. I cannot wait to start drinking that special kool-aid the night before to clean out the pipes. I hope that la-la juice they give you before the procedure is as good as the doctor says it is.
Well, I guess that is enough moronica for one evening. I can't give you all of the exciting tidbits in the life of your King or else there will be nothing to write about. I tried calling Santa to get the lowdown on his White House experience but he is too busy at this time to speak with me. I guess that is good news for a change. So this is your King signing off and wishing you a pleasant weekend. Mine will suck with my leaf debacle. Good night.

Troubled Gates Beavers Sadden Your King

Its that time of the year where plenty of trees are taken down, converted to paper and then used in political mailings. Fewer trees means plenty of unhappy beavers but I digress. I have to say the number of mailings that I have received here at the Palace is amazing. Every day I receive between two to six of these things in my mail. Mostly they are for the race between Frank Muscato and Steve Tucciarello. Today's count is two for Frank, one for Steve and one general GOP mailing. I normally use these to line my guinea pig's cage but even she is getting nauseated.
Lets take a look at Frank's mailings for today. In the first mailing he again brings up Robutrad and rakes Frank Allkofer and Elaine Tette over the coals again. These two people are victims and it is a shame that their names are brought up again and again in these mailings. I am sure that if they knew what was going on, when they hired out their work, they would have searched elsewhere to have their needed work done. And what does Robutrad have to do with the race for Monroe County Council anyways. The mailing makes it look like the only thing Robutrad did was house jobs for family, friends and fellow Republicans. That was not the case. Robutrad is a Barbaro (i.e. dead horse) so stop whipping it. Besides, even though Robert Morone was the GOP chairman of Gates that has NOTHING to do with the officials that were elected in Gates that had the unfortunate luck of knowing that Mr. Morone had friends who could do PAID FOR work for them. Friends of Morone that, at the time, were on the County payroll unbeknownst to them.
In the second mailing he actually brings up a point in saying that Steve voted for Maggie's un-F.A.I.R. plan. Maggie rammed this through and then got it booted by the Appellate Court. Steve could have really impressed me by voting against it but he did not. It would be nice to see some GOP and Democrat members of the council that have an independent mind instead of always voting along party lines. Bipartisan work, I guess, is just a figment of our imagination. So in terms of Frank's mailings he is two for two in attacks on Steve.
Now lets take a look at Steve's mailing for the day. It points out that he supported programs that brought jobs to Gates. It says that Adecco USA, Inc. brought 200 new jobs to Gates. I guess that is good. It also lists Johnson and Johnson which is crappola as Johnson and Johnson has been in Rochester before Steve was elected to office so that is a strike there. The same with Sentry Group with 400 local jobs. He supported programs that protected these jobs. Can someone tell me what the programs were that protected these jobs? But to give Steve credit there was nothing attacking his opponent. Kudos.
Lets take a look at the general GOP mailing for Mark Assini, Elaine T. and Frank A. It did not attack anyone which is good and pointed out a few things in their favor. OK, I can live with that.
Lets look at the score - two attack mailings by the democrats none of which even stated any kind of issue other than scandals and the infamous un-F.A.I.R. plan. Two normal mailings from the GOP attacking no one and striving to put out a positive atmosphere. Hmm, as a life long middle of the road lefty I must say that I am sick of these attack mailings so please send me a mailing that gives me a reason to vote for you Frank instead of giving me reasons not to vote for Steve. Robutrad reasons that have no bearing on Steve's record in the Council should not be brought up in any future mailings.
Now getting back to saving trees for our troubled Gates beavers, maybe its time they put out some barrels on the corner of the streets in Gates so we can deposit out mailings so that they can be recycled properly or at least they can give us some return to sender bags so we can send them back from whence they came so they can reuse them again next election time. Hey, lets see how many miles(years) they can get out of Robutrad.
Ugh, I hate these political blogs as they make me nauseous, but then again, not as nauseous as watching a typical Bill's game this year. This is your King, just stating the facts, ma'am. Good night.

King Dinglefritz Witnesses a Miracle

Now that I have had a couple of days to digest what I saw the Bill's victory on Sunday can only be described as a miracle. The Jets ran for over 300 yards but, thank goodness, we had quarterback Mark Sanchez on our side. He threw more completions to Bills players Sunday than Trent Edwards did. Speaking of Captain Check Down, part of the miracle was that he got conked on the head again resulting in Ryan Fitzpatrick taking over. Fitzpatrick was not THAT effective but at least he TRIED to get it to Evans and Owens. I do not believe that if Edwards remained in the game the Bills would have won. The Jets would not have had to throw since the Bills would not have crept back into the game.
One group of players for the Bills that I have not assailed this season has been their secondary. Except for five minutes against New England they have been very good. It is a very deep unit and with all of the boo boos that that unit has had everyone has been needed. But then again, when the other team runs wild against you the secondary always has good numbers.
Mr. Mind tried his best again to give the Jets a chance to win by his horrible game management at the end of regulation as, like in last year's Cleveland game, he did not try to run plays that would have gotten Lindell closer to the goalposts in the bad end of the field as time ran down. I could see the miss coming just like last year. At least we had the fallback position of going into OT if he missed it BUT....
As expected, the Jets won the overtime coin toss and predictably went down the field. It looked like they had a chip shot field goal set up when out of nowhere the referee saw a blatant holding penalty and ACTUALLY called it. I was beside myself as this game was in New York and you do not see these penalties called against the home team unless, of course, you are in Ralph Wilson Stadium. That was another part of the miracle.
Then the teams played giveaway and it sure looked like, and it would have been a deserved result, that the game was going to end in a tie. Neither team deserved to win, just like last weeks Cleveland game, but Lindell came through and won the game with his foot. The last part of the miracle.
Mr. Mind plays not to lose instead of going for the win. You cannot survive with that attitude in today's NFL. Its like playing the 'Prevent' defense with the game on the line. It only prevents you from winning. It is now tee minus ten games until Mr. Mind is launched into the Netherworld of ex-coaches. He may find a job as a Gatorade holder for some other team but if he ever becomes a head coach again I will abdicate my throne.
All in all this game was not the waste of life that last week's game was but still the Bills do not entertain. Hopefully with a week's worth of preparation Ryan Fitzpatrick will be better this week. He was decent for Cincinnati last year as the season wound down, still he is no Carson Palmer let alone a Jim Kelly. A few decent games from Fitzpatrick and maybe Edwards will have his butt kept on the bench but I would like to see Trent back in as that would guarantee Mr. Mind's launching at season's end. Unfortunately, that is all we have to look forward to this season as any hopes for playoffs were lost during the opening kickoff of the Patriots game way back in September. Mr. Mind must go. So let it be written, so let it be done.
Your King.

Wings, Kings and Other Mundane Things

1) The Royal Mutt must have been upset with me today as I took her to the vet yesterday. She got her shots and other things and her exam was perfect, However, payback was tonight. Within a span of fifteen minutes she managed to pop me in my left eye and squash the 'crown jewels'. I think she is pretty proud of herself.
2) The Bills suck!
3) Rush Limbaugh is getting to be pretty amusing. He offended black players with his comment on Donovan McNabb four years ago and now wonders why the black players will not have anything to do with the team he was interested in buying with a group of investors. He has since been booted from that group. Now really Rush, did you expect to be greeted into the NFL family by a parade of happiness? He is even reaching by saying the president is getting involved with the situation that resulted in his expulsion. This guy is delusional and yet he captivates a considerable number of people in this country. To each his own I guess.
4) The Bills Reek!
5) It is amazing the crap that Senator McConnell of Kentucky is spouting. He has told members of his party to stay in line and not vote for the Health Care Bill as he does not want to help the president gain a major victory. While this bill is nowhere near perfect it is a start. I like Senator Olympia Snowe's idea where if the private insurance companies start raising their rates after a period of time then a government option may be palatable. Maybe the threat of it will keep them in line. Who knows.
6) The Bills Blow!
7) The King celebrated his 51st birthday at home yesterday. Complete peace, quiet and serenity was the much needed present that I gave to myself. I wanted to golf but the weather sucked. I at least made the Queen happy by putting up the Halloween decorations. My Queen's happiness means more to me than anything and it was nice to put a smile on her face.
8) The Bills Stink!.
I guess that is all I can think of tonight. Nothing of note but just a bunch of crappola. Have a nice evening!
PS: Rumor has it that Santa has escaped from his room at Bellvue and is now back at the North Pole. I know he is busy now but maybe, just maybe, we can squeeze in a call to him and get his side of the White House adventure soon.

King Dinglefritz Throws Away Three Hours of his Life

This afternoon I had the misfortune of watching the Buffalo Bills play the Cleveland Browns. Watching this game was like getting a colonoscopy without getting the la-la juice injection. The final score was 6-3 and that score was very indicative of the excitement generated by both wretched teams. How I could have sat through three hours of this mess is beyond me. Players on both teams should have been arrested for impersonating actual NFL players. There should have been an announcement run during the game that said "any resemblance between these players and real NFL players living or dead is strictly a coincidence".
Buffalo's Linebacking corps now has three players starting that would not be starting for any other team in the NFL. The Bills were always looking for someone to replace Keith Ellison and now is is the veteran of the group thanks to, what looks like, two season ending injuries to his line mates. The Bills should call in a MASH unit and have them set up shop at the stadium during the game with the injuries that they have been getting. Stinky players are getting replaced by stinkier players and that is NOT good.
Getting back to the three hours of torture, I cannot imagine a game being played any more poorly by both teams. It is a shame that someone had to win and it would have been perfect justice if this 'game' ended in a tie. Roscoe Parrish played like a total dog as he pretty much, singlehandedly, gave Cleveland the game. His handling of the punt with five minutes left in the fourth quarter was classic moronica. I swear it looked like he deliberately muffed it so they would not have to play any overtime. Ugh! Now, looking at the score you may say that both defenses played great and that is truly not the case as both offenses were totally inept. For crying out loud Cleveland's quarterback threw for only 23 yards for the entire game and that is a new record low for that franchise. It was not because of the Bill's 'great' defense as it was more to do with his receivers playing fumble fingers with his passes or they were totally off their target. For a while it looked like T.O. was actually going to be part of the offense today in the first half as he made four quick catches but he was forgotten again in the second half as Captain Checkdown, Trent Edwards, was true to form in the second half. Even his check down passes were horrible. Lee Evans should write a book that is entitled "The Invisible Receiver" as he was again completely forgotten. Mr. Mind looked frozen in time again every time the camera would be focused on him. Obviously Ralph ignored the Royal Order that I signed this past week and did not exile him. Maybe he will see the light after this past game that his team is horrible and Mr. Mind must go. Anyways, it is now tee minus eleven and counting until Mr. Mind gets launched and we can only hope for a premature ejection from Western New York for this inept coach. There is absolutely NO way that he will stay on past this season.
Hey, I said in my last blog that I could see Cleveland beating the Bills and I was right again. First I called Rio for the Olympics and now Cleveland beating the Bills and I do not even have a Ouija Board. Mr. Mind has no personality and neither does his team. Teams usually reflect the personality of their coaches and this team is a perfect example of that. The coach is a zombie and so are his players. I have been a Bills fan since I was a little prince and it saddens me to see the current state of the franchise. Fans are now wearing bags over their heads in the stands and I do not blame them. Boy are the fans in Toronto in for a treat when they get their game. If Canadian Customs Agents are smart they will not let the Bills come across the border and, if they do, lets hope that U.S. Customs Agents do not let them back in.
Now I have to end my tirade as I have to find more Pepto Bismol quickly as the dose I took earlier has worn off and I am getting sick again. Time for me to get to the toilet and fast as I feel my intestines rolling. This is your King signing off.

King Dinglefritz Signs Royal Order to Send Mr. Mind into Exile

I could not stand it anymore, so much in fact that I turned the station to watch the Broncos - Cowboys football game, that I had to do something. Your King has signed a Royal Order hereby ordering that Ralph Wilson send Mr. Mind into exile. I hear Elba is nice this time of year. I have never, well maybe not for a long time, seen a performance by the Bills as sickly as the one this past Sunday versus a depleted Miami team. Watching Mr. Mind on the sideline was like watching paint dry. Hey, did anyone see him breathing? Maybe he is a zombie and that would not surprise me one bit if he was as the Bills played like zombies Sunday and teams are often a reflection of their coach. The cameras would switch to him after a bad play and he just stood there, like a stinking statue, frozen in time. AND, to top it all, he is getting three million dollars a year for this. Imhotep, the Mummy, could probably do a better job coaching the team. At least he has a real mean streak in him.
The Royal Order states that as of the moment that it arrives into Ralph Wilson's possession that Mr. Mind be immediately exiled out of Buffalo. Mr. Mind shall then issue personal refunds to all Buffalo season ticket holders. Mr. Mind is not to set foot in Western New York for a period not less than forty years. Mr. Mind is also to provide funds for medical treatment to all people that required it after being made sick by the Bills performance on Sunday. I will take advantage of that one.
Your King demands change. Your King demands a team that is worthy of the fans in Western New York - the best fans in the country! Whether Ralph Wilson abides by my Royal Order is questionable as for it to be completely valid Buffalo would have to be part of the Kingdom of Moronica which would put them under my rule. While some people would probably agree that the Bills would qualify as being highly moronic it does not make them citizens of Moronica which would make my Royal Order mandatory, and that is a bloody shame. I have also signed an addendum to the order in which Mr. Mind is not to be allowed into my Kingdom, at least I can enforce that. The penalty for a violation into Moronican territory by Mr. Mind would be that he would be duct taped to a chair and forced to watch episodes of Caveman.
Trent Edwards stinks, the offensive line stank and the defense just plain stunk. Has anyone seen the first round pick Aaron Maybin play? I think he has been on the field but he must have a personal Romulan cloaking device as nobody can see him. The run defense is like bad Swiss Cheese. The passing game is non-existent and the running game is not too good either.
Can anyone turn around this mess? There is some talent on the team but the leadership up top is missing. They need to clean house big time starting with getting a new GM who would then hire good football people. I can think of three coaches right off the bat that could possibly help but will Ralph want to pay them....probably not. It is now tee minus twelve games until Mr. Mind is officially launched. I have looked at the Bill's schedule and I cannot see them being any better than 3-13 and that is pushing it. Can they beat Cleveland and Kansas City? Probably not the way they are playing right now and those are the two remaining games that I put into their win column. I can see Cleveland beating them, I really do which would make the Bills 2-14 as I think they can still beat KC.
Let us hope that Ralph sees the wisdom of my Royal Order and heeds it's terms. The Royal Order looks after the best interests of the fans of the team. No zombie can be allowed to continue to 'run' this team. Zombies are scary and so are the Bills prospects for the remainder of this season. They players say they love Mr. Mind but they do not play like it. Mr. Mind has had one winning season in his many years of being a head coach and he has not earned his keep here. The Royal Order has been written...so let it be done.
This is your King, and an avid Bills fan, saying thats the way it is this fifth day of October, 2009. Goodnight.

Mundane Moronica from the Palace

1) Well, it looks like President Obama struck out in his first at bat for the Olympics. It would be interesting to hear why the Olympic Committee voted they way they did and why. It did not take long to eliminate the suspense as Chicago was the first one booted out. Oh well, Maybe Barack should have had his Wheaties before addressing the Committee. But hey, look at my post from September 30th and see who I picked to win it! Damn right I called it right on the nose! I will now take special requests to look into my crystal ball to see what the future has in store for you.
2) I received a mailing from Frank Muscato who is running for the Monroe County Legislature today. I was not too pleased with it as I was not happy with some of its wording. Now I may be wrong but doesn't a jury or a judge have to come back with a verdict in order for someone to be called convicted. The thing said that, in regards to the Robutrad 14, that "to date, eight have been convicted of defrauding taxpayers". Lets look at his statement and I hope I am right. First, the eight in question accepted plea deals and promised or came through with restitution. They did not have a trial as they did the right thing in accepting these deals. I would not call that convicted. Second, the plea deals were for petit larceny and not, even though technically they did, defraud the taxpayers. This mailing has another case of 'picking bits of a statement to fit the crime'. I am talking about the Gates Town Politicians that he brings up. Now it is known that the people who had work done for them are innocent pawns of this scandal. In particular in this mailing is Irene Matichyn, who is the Financial Director of the Monroe County Republican Committee, who is again cited as receiving this work. The people involved all paid for this work to be done while they were entirely unaware of the situation regarding the people doing the work. Innocent people do not need to be raked over the coals again. I am sure Ms. Matichyn feels used by the people involved and does not need another knife stuck into her back. He probably will not get my vote.
3) October has arrived but it sure seems like November. Has anyone seen the sun since the month changed? The bulk of September was one of the best weather months that I have ever seen. Now it seems like the weather will be in 'suck' mode until spring. Ugh.
4) How in hell can a fourteen year old girl share the lead in a women's professional golf event?? Will someone please tell me what she has had for breakfast, lunch and dinner while she was growing up. People have said I have one of the sweetest swings but does it get me anywhere?? NOOOOoooooooo! Maybe its time for a sex change so I can use the red tees and get that big advantage. Queen Dinglefritz??? I don't think so. I guess I will remain stinky.
5) My Queen gave me a big surprise today. She ordered pizza and wings from the shop today for Prince Spoiled Brat and his friend. I know Prince Spoiled Brat's eating habits and knew that he would probably not be home to eat it hot. Now what really bugs me, and I hate it when I am always right, is that it is now past seven o'clock and the pizza still has not been touched. Prince Spoiled Brat came and went and now the pizza is starting to freeze. I ought to give it to the dog. I am such a happy King.
That is it tonight from the Kingdom of Moronica. may the bird of paradise not poop on your freshly washed car. Good night.

King vs. Stupid Commercials

Your King loves good and funny radio and television commercials. The latest string of commercials for Rochesterhelpwanted.com are a perfect example of great commercials. The one with the Romanian baby is priceless and the one with then 'stinky' boss with the bulbous nose is not far behind. What really drives me nuts are the stupid commercials. The current commercial for a product called Hydroxytone is a prime example. It make all sorts of claims as to how good it is, so good if fact it was even included in gift bags at some stupid Hollywood function. To claim THAT as a reason to buy the product is down right moronic. If you give a group enough FREE samples of anything to put into 'gift bags' they will. I could put dog turds in a nice little box, put a nice fragrance on it and wrap it and put a cute bow on it so it looks downright pretty and they would be more than happy to put them into gift bags as long as they were free.
Commercials are meant to get people to buy their product. A stupid commercial does the exact opposite as it drives me away from their product no matter how good it is. When MCI was in business I hated their commercials so much I vowed never to get their product. Since they only exist in another form today it looks like a few other people thought the same way I did. I love the new commercial with Tiger Woods, with a big smile on his puss, as he tries to use one of the big tournament checks to buy something and the cashier says "we only take little checks". The Direct TV commercial with William Shatner saying 'again with the Klingons' was also another great commercial. Being that I already have Direct TV it did not matter but it was funny none the less.
If someone could come out with a hilarious commercial for bat vomit they could probably sell that too but stupid commercials, even if it is for a great product just do not work. We are force fed enough ads during an average TV show and they should have a certain level of intelligence about them. Right now you get 16 minutes of ads during an hour show, 40 years ago it was only 9 minutes. If you are going to give us more crappola at least make it entertaining.
So much for tonight's blog of moronica. This is King Dinglefritz wishing you a good evening.

Your King Returns to the Lanes and Other Mundane Things

1) Well last Monday it happened. The thing that I dreaded the most occurred. I dread it because it signals that winter is soon to follow. I dread it like a hemorrhoid. The thing I am talking about is bowling season at Spencerport Bowl. My league switched to Mondays this year as our Tuesday night league shrunk too much. What is nice about Mondays is that the remnants of our league, combined with the Monday night league makes it a full house. Its always good to see the place filled. But I still hate bowling on Monday. Tuesday was nice as it helped to break up the week into halves but Monday???? Ugh.
Now that the litigation problems with the lanes seem to be over the owners have 'promised' to make much needed improvements. The machines are running very well right now which is great and there is oil on the lanes. Last year they ran out and the shot turned to hell. Unfortunately my game is not so hot right now as I am so used to throwing the ball so hard I cannot get the needed touch back to be consistent on slicker lanes. I know the touch will come back and for once I will have lots of handicap when it does and its about time. Yippee.
2) Once again Mother Nature decided to cancel my Sunday golf outing with rain. It figures that the first time it rains in three weeks it would rain Saturday night into Sunday morning. Ugh. I did not report on my efforts from the previous Sunday but they were very 'Grinch' like. Ugh again.
3) The Bill's defense put on quite a show for fifty minutes last Sunday but then died because the Bill's offense was absolutely putrid. Mr. Mind's offensive unit played like pooh. Why they signed Owens is beyond me as it seems Edwards does not want to throw him the ball. And why they gave Lee Evans a fat contract is beyond me too for the same reason. The offensive line was just plain offensive as Edwards got to know the Saint's defensive line on a first name basis. Mr. Mind's unemployment countdown stands at tee minus thirteen and counting.
4) If anyone sees my Queen can you please bring her home and reintroduce her to the royal kitchen. I am now royally sick of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. If not, please reintroduce her to Wegmans and show her how to buy food. Not ice cream, not goodies, not crappola but food. What is the purpose of making and freezing spaghetti sauce when there is no macaroni to put it on but, then again, there is ice cream for Prince Spoiled Brat.
5) Its nearing election time again! Why is it that the Republicans are smart enough to come around when you are at home while the Democrats always seem to leave stuff in your door? If the Democrats do not want to make the effort to come and say hi when we are home why would we want to vote for them? It does make an lasting impression on you when someone like County Councilman Steve Tucciarello (I hope I spelled it right Steve, not that you will ever read this but I pride myself on my spelling) visits and spends a few minutes chatting with you. I am big on impressions. I have gotten to like Mark McIntee as I have had chats with him on a few occasions so if Mark Assini wants my vote for Gates Town Supervisor he should stop by the Kingdom of Moronica when I am at home and say hi. Hey, I voted for Ralph, and I am glad that I did, so if you want to keep my vote in line...but then again I do have 'other' reasons to vote for Assini.
Boy have I spouted a lot of moronica tonight. I may have to ice down my typing fingers as they are starting to ache. Heaven forbid I get that tendinitis again and have to take some time off but then again, as nobody reads my crap anyways, I guess it just does not matter. As always, your King.

Mike Steele - He Opens his Mouth and Instantly Becomes a Candidate for MHOF Enshrinement

You know what really bothers your King? Its when people open their mouths and spew moronica out of it. In today's Democrat and Chronicle I read where Mike Steele, the Republican National Chairman, came out against President Obama going to Switzerland to lobby for Chicago to obtain the 2016 Olympics. The only thing I agree with is that the President may have other things that are more pressing on his docket at this time. But if his lobbying effort succeeds in netting Chicago the Olympics then it was well worth the trip.
Coming out against the Olympic trip shows that neo-conservatives like Mike Steele will stop at nothing to condemn anything and everything that the President tries to do no matter what it is. Its just plain stupid. Even most moderate Republicans know that obtaining the Olympics is a win-win situation for the United States. Lets look at the positives that would result from a successful trip by our President, positives that Mike Steele and his ilk do not want to see President Obama obtain at any cost.
1) National Prestige - Its always good to be in the limelight and for the U.S. it is no exception. Its a chance to show the world the positives about our country and this is the weakest reason I will list. It would also show Americans that President Obama can deliver the goods and increase his prestige, something that neo-conservatives like Mike Steele would dread like the plague.
2) Jobs - Building venues and improving infrastructure in and around Chicago will put people to work. Look at the infrastructure jobs that Salt Lake City required to be created so that it's infrastructure would be ready for the Olympics. I lived near SLC for a couple of years and it needed plenty of work to improve the traffic around that city. Traffic that it would not have been able to handle during the Games without the required improvements. SLC now has a beltway around it that it did not have before. Route 215 needed to be built as routes 15 and 80 were insane during rush hour.
3) Money - Money that would be flowing out of the U.S. by people traveling to either Rio or Tokyo will be kept in the United States where we would rather keep it. Money staying here keeps jobs here.
4) Tourism - People from other countries will flood into the U.S. during this time period and what will they bring - money. Money that would be spent in other countries would be spent here and that is always a plus. While the economy in and around Chicago would improve greatly I am sure that there will be people coming to the U.S. that will stay and take the time to see some of the other sites this country has to offer spreading the wealth a little bit.
5) Anacondas - Brazil has them. Do we really need to hear about some little gymnast being wrapped up and snacked on by some large snake? No, we do not.
These are things that Mike Steele is obviously against our President trying to obtain. Mike Steele is against the flow of money into our country. Mike Steele is for well fed Anacondas. Mike Steele is against the jobs that would be created by the games coming here. Mike Steele is certainly against any prestige that the President would obtain by a successful lobbying effort. Mike Steele is an idiot for this. As I said previously, he is just another neo-conservative moron out to tarnish anything our President tries to do. Now, I am not saying our President is doing a perfect job, far from it, but he is trying his best with the cards he has been dealt with. He understands the power of having the Games in the United States. We stand a better chance because of his efforts. If anyone can sell Chicago it is President Obama. The Olympic committee knows that having the Games here is a cash cow for them. The strike against Tokyo is that Seoul just had the games and the strikes against Rio are infrastructure concerns and the still dreaded security issues as, for instance, sometimes there are shootouts on the expressway between the airport and the city. But why Rio is probably the favorite right now is that Brazil has become the economic powerhouse of South America and the Olympic Committee may feel that South America's time has come to host the games. But then again, Chicago has had a colored history of concerns too, as we all remember the 1968 Democratic National Convention and Democratic Mayor Richard Daley's moronica. Right now Chicago is a clear number two. I expect Rio to get the Games but the Olympic Committee always loves being schmoozed by heads of state. Can Obama pull off THE upset?? Mike Steele sure hopes not.
For once I would like to see both sides show unity in trying to do what is best for our country. Mike Steele is obviously a divider. The Republicans do not need him at their helm. While I am not saying that they should lock step with the party in control right now they should do more in terms of unity when the President is trying to something that would OBVIOUSLY benefit our country.
We need to hear from more moderates from both sides and the wacko wings of each party need to be heard less from. But the thing is that the moderates always seem to remain quiet and the wackos always seem to remain loud. Unfortunately that is the way it is and that is the way it will stay until someone steps forward, someone who can stand up and be heard above the din of the morons. Someone who can take both the left and the right and make a middle out of them. Who is that someone? Is that someone alive today? It was definitely not Bush and it does not seem to be Obama. Until the crap stops our country will remain weaker than it should be. That is too bad.
And thats the way it is Wednesday September 30, 2009 This is King Dinglefritz saying goodnight from Moronica. Hopefully next time my spewing will be a little more lighthearted as I detest having to write about stupidity.

Fox News makes me Sick to my Stomach

I have tried to keep an open mind as my brother has encouraged me to try to watch Fox News more often. I have made a few concerted attempts but each time I am left shaking my head at the moronica that is spewed. Once again I turned it to the O'Reilly Factor and it turned out that he was interviewing two more of his right wing trash spouting buddies. I believe the name of one of the people he was 'interviewing' was Bill Scolfield, though I may be wrong as my brain decided it was not worth registering. He was continuing the birther argument in regards to President Obama. Why are people allowed to spew this crap on national television? This guy is a complete moron who turned me completely off with his hatred of the president. Hasn't there been enough evidence produced to show that President Obama was born in Hawaii? Hell, I was born in Rochester, New York but I could not find my original birth certificate and all I had for the longest time was a hospital birth notice. Does that mean I was born outside of the USA? Of course not. I now have been able to obtain a certified copy of it but if I was running for president I may have had the same problem as President Obama. I am sick to death of these birthers continuing to flog a dead horse. Get over it jerks, our President was born in Hawaii plain and simple.
This is the type of crap that continually gets aired over the 'fair and balanced' news station that Fox claims to be. I do not blame President Obama for not allowing himself to be interviewed on Fox. If I knew I was not going to get a fair shake I would not do it either. Fox News is a den of rattlesnakes just waiting to sink their fangs into him the first chance they get. If Fox were to treat him fairly I am sure he would grant them time but they are so far off the deep end it is ridiculous. I am sure he would not mind being asked tough but fair questions but I am certain these questions would be skewed so badly as to make any answer he would give to them fodder for continued Fox talking head ridicule.
Fair and balanced means you have someone from the left and someone from the right being interviewed by someone who can see both sides of the story. From what I have seen that does not happen with Fox. All you get from Fox is a right wing love fest that continues to foment conservative hatred of anything that the President tries to do no matter how good it may be for the country.
What really makes me sick is seeing all of the signs being carried by narrow minded jerks nowadays in right wing protest rallies. The one that really made me sick said "My zoo has an African (Picture of a lion) and in the white house we have a lying African". Is this stuff we really need? I bet that woman is really proud to have a picture of herself and that sign floating throughout the Internet. And this is the stuff that Fox News seems to help foment indirectly.
Changing course a little, President Obama seems to be well liked in the international community, save for the usual suspects who hate us period. He is trying to take us away from the reputation that we gained for being the world's bully for the past eight years. President Bush tried but his Vice President held too much of his ear for too long and had way too much power. Who knows what kind of presidency he could have had if he had a more kinder, gentler and thoughtful Vice President other than Tricky Dick Cheney with his battery powered heart (his body rejected his real one). Cheney was the consummate Chicken Hawk and how George Bush could have chosen him to be his second is beyond me as President Bush deep down seems to be a really nice guy. Cheney is not. In fact, Cheney's back surgeon tried to operate on his spine the other day but had to close him right back up because he could not find it.
This is my opinion take it or leave it. I try to be moderate but sometimes I just have to tell it the way I see it. Tonight I bashed the right, maybe tomorrow it will be the left. Only time will tell. Goodnight from Moronica.

Heartsickness at the Palace as Prince Blamski Succumbs to Fox News Kool Aid

I was deeply saddened today as I have just discovered that my brother, Prince Blamski, has guzzled heartily from the bottle of Fox News Kool Aid. He must have been home from work one day and was bored. He must have been channel surfing and landed on the Fox News Channel and decided to stay there and watch. I had the bad news confirmed when I sent my brother an email with a news link about the California Water Crisis and he forwarded the link to Fox for them to review and to give him more input. There is nothing more dangerous than sipping Fox News Kool Aid except maybe sipping MSNBC News Kool Aid, which is just as bad.
Fox claims to be fair and balanced, well I gave Bill O'Reilly a try the other night and had to turn him off when he brought on two guests, both of whom did not like President Obama. Now how can you have a fair and balanced debate when everybody in the debate dislikes the president? Baffling. Your King steers clear of these news channels though if I need to watch a channel for breaking news I will watch CNN. Even though they tilt a little left I feel they present the fairest news coverage of both sides.
Back to Prince Blamski, I do not know what I can do to cure him of this malady. The last time I heard about Kool Aid this dangerous the Reverend Jim Jones was passing it out in Guyana and we all know what happened there. My God, he is even watching Glen Beck who you could probably call the Reverend Jim Jones of Fox News. O'Reilly can be palatable at times but Hannity w/o Combs???? Yeah THAT is fair and balanced.
I do have the Fox Channel in my list of favorite stations that I scan, out of over a hundred, but I do not have MSNBC in my list. Left wingers can be even nuttier than the righties. I prefer to try to drive down the middle of the road for the most part. On some issues I swing left, gay rights for example(I say let them get married so they can be as miserable as me) and on some issues I swing right, more rights for police and bring back the death penalty for certain cases. For example, the Garcia case here in the Rochester area is a prime example of someone that deserves a seat on Ol' Sparky but will end up getting housed and fed for the rest of his life at our expense. This guy is as guilty as our winters are rotten and should be gassed. And that is my opinion, take it or leave it. While you cannot give police carte blanche, still too much good evidence can get thrown out because of some little search technicality and heaven forbid it allows some sociopath to have his case dismissed and set out upon society again.
There are channels out there that supply news to all sections of society. Just because someone prefers Fox over MSNBC, or vice verse, does not make that person less intelligent. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that is what makes this country great. Look at Iran right now, heaven forbid you are a reformist as you could be arrested or attacked. Ex-president Khatami is a reformist who actually was attacked by the hardliners recently but thankfully was rescued before he was injured. You cannot express reformist opinions in Iran without the threat of hard line retaliation or arrest. How un-american. Here we can have people screaming at Congressman during Town Hall Meetings but they are not attacked or arrested because this is America. While they are rude, insolent morons they can still be heard though it would be nice if they would turn down the decibels.
In closing I say you can chose whatever Kool-Aid you want to drink but respect the opinion of others that choose to drink from a different bottle. I still respect Prince Blamski even though he drank heartily from the Fox News bottle. I choose not to. I would rather watch Man vs. Food and see Adam Richman try to devour some nuclear (Nuklar if you are a Bushie -LOL) chicken wings as it is far more entertaining or watch something on the Science Channel, as it is far more educating than watching talking heads spout out nonsense on any news channel. That is my opinion and since this is Moronica, which is a small part of America, you CAN take it or leave it.

PS: If you read the garbage that I spout in this crazy blog of mine I would like to hear from you. Please feel free to leave your King a comment as I would like to see what opinions others have. I respect all opinions, right, left or moderate. Thanks.