This past Saturday I happened unto what is probably one of the most moronic movies that I have ever seen in my life and I have seen plenty of them. I missed the first half hour and I consider myself lucky. This clunker of a movie is called 'Earth's Final Hours' and it was on the SyFy channel. It was one of those SyFy originals that they made for five bucks. This time they spent the five bucks, which goes nowhere near as far as it used to, on the special effects because nothing was spent on the script or any thinking that went into the script. Somehow, someway the Earth's rotation got stopped in a matter of hours by some kind of 'white hole' that passed through the earth. It stopped the Earth's rotation which stopped the Earth's magnetic field from working. Hmm, the last I knew it was the spinning of the Earth's molten outer core over our solid inner core that provided our magnetic field. But, thanks to a CIA agent, his partner, his son and his son's girlfriend they managed to save the world. It just so happened that many years ago this scientist, put away into a nut farm by the CIA, had managed to have placed by NASA two satellites for just such an emergency to save the whole world. And boy do these satellites move fast as they moved halfway around the world in seconds to get into position to do the needful later in the movie. The son managed to get control of this scientists assistant's computer, which was conveniently hidden, hooked up and ready to go but used language that was obsolete, in a matter of seconds as he managed to use a program that found the password. WOW!!! How amazing is it that the kid can handle an obsolete computer language but CIA scientists trying to take control of the two satellites from their hi tech control room couldn't. But the CIA did not want to save the world, just the USA part of it so after the good CIA agent broke the 'loony' scientist out of the nut farm the bad CIA agents managed to shoot the scientist as he was escaping BUT, as he was croaking he managed to get all the info out that was needed to find the hidden satellite control setup and other crap to the good CIA agent. Well, after the scientist died the good guys pulled right into the satellite control place so the timing there couldn't be worse for the poor Earth. They then start the process of saving the world but the bad CIA agents find them and moronica ensues. With a split second left, and with the bad CIA boss guy whacking away at their satellite dish with a rod, why he did not pull out the wires just baffles me, they manage to trigger the satellites into action which, of course, starts the earth spinning again and saving everyone. There were a lot of other moronic things that happened in this movie but I would sprain my typing fingers if I tried to list them all.
I know that this movie review is helter skelter all over the place but that is all this movie deserves. Now that I have gotten this crappy movie out of my system I will try to delete its memory from my mind. I hope this review will spare someone from ever having to watch this piece of crap and suffer like I did so I can consider it my good deed of the day. But if you do want to watch 'Earth's Final Hours' please park your brain in neutral or turn it off completely or you will be agonized. You have been warned.
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